Am I such a heartless mother???????

[joburg]

I have been reading many of the posts here and frankly speaking many times i didn't dare to reply to some of them because i was afraid i would be called a heartless mother ... which i might be, so please give me some help.

I started teaching DD at 4.5yo how to help mammy brooming around, at 5 she had to start washing her lunch box and even sometimes asked her to clean her own toilet when she would forget she is still peeing while getting up and spreading all the pee on the floor. Sitting with her and teaching her and asking her to follow me and little by little doing it on her own.

Then she went through her 5 year old rebelion time when she would refuse to eat absolutely everything. I insisted she needs to eat her lunch/dinner or she can have banans instead. After less than a month she started eating again. Anything. But then, my friends blamed me for having a heart of stone. Same with juices/ fizzy drinks. I told her she can have them for desert and only water during the meals. She still gets a sprite as a treat from time to time but she is happily drinking water with her meals.

I could probably find more examples like this, but don't want to bore you. I am probably tough on her but am i such a heartless mama after all?

do you give her lots of cuddles and affection ?

ALL children cry and think their parents are being mean!

I'm not such a monster!!!! Of course i cuddle and hug her, if she deserves it. Many times, even if she doesn't deserve it

I think it sounds like you are doing a great job!
No monster behaviour at all!
stop worrying and enjoy your lovely girl.
Don't listen to others who choose to be less firm. Do it your way.

Joburg, I don't have any children yet but you are like the parent I want to be when I do have them. As long as your child knows she is loved, and smiles a lot, then you know you're doing the right thing. I think you are preparing her very well for her life ahead of her and I think she will go on to become an independent, confident, sensible young lady in her teenage and adult years.

Bigted and Lola thank you for encouraging me. I still need to learn a hell of a lot but after thi discussion at least i don't feel so bad. I love my little girl and don't want to hurt her but i don't want to spoil her either; life is not so easy nowadays and she will have to face a lot more hardship than i did in my youth. I just want her to be ready for all that will come.

I think you're doing a great job too, what a clever little girl. You have given her responsibilities and she is obviously rising to them. IMO you can ask/teach your child to do anything (within reason) as long as it is done with love and fun and laughter, loads of unconditional love and positive reinforcement.

I would possibly not warn her of how hard her life could be though, she doesn't need to worry about what might never happen.

I never look at other children's behaviour and go with the majority. I expect ds to behave even if all the others aren't. Suppose that makes me 'heartless' whereas I have always considered reasonable and loving in setting boundaries so ds feels secure.