Tell me this is a phase and shall pass. I need some moral support.

[DuffyFluckling]

Dd is such hard work at the moment. She is nearly 3. She never seems happy (unless she's watching television or sucking her thumb in a zoned out trance).

In theory she is bright, articulate, funny and imaginative. She is always so CROSS though.

If she sees her brother playing she races over to take his toys away. When I intervene she throws a tearful wobbly.

I put some music on at her request earlier, but it wasn't the right music apparently so she got furious and threw the cd player onto the floor.

Absolutely everything results in fury and tears. It's very wearing.

Just now I sat on the sofa next to her and asked if she would like a story. She hit me. We've already had a big showdown about hitting and kicking this morning. I don't really know the best way to deal with it, so I said "right, upstairs. To your room" which is a bit crap because I don't want being in her room to be punishment. Anyway. She thought this was a great laugh and thoroughly enjoyed scooting upstairs. She sat cheerfully in bed explaining that "sometimes Mummy, when you come and sit on the sofa and smile at me, I hit you".

We need to go out in a bit and I know she will be furious and not want to go, and when we get there she won't want to come home again.

I'm on the point of giving up her ballet lessons which she absolutely LOVES, because it is just destroying Saturday morning trying to get her ready and in to the car. She screams and cries and says she hates ballet and doesn't want to go. When we get there she adores it and talks about it all week and practices her dancing and tells everyone about it.

She never wants to go anywhere, but she likes it when she gets there. All she wants to do is lie on the sofa watching television with her comfort blanket. I really don't let her watch much television, but she watches a bit more than I would like ideally, because it's the best way I have of keeping her occupied while I put her brother for a nap. If the television is off while I'm settling ds, she comes and pokes him and shouts and wakes him up and hits us both.

This is ridiculous. She's only 2 (nearly 3) and sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just trying to have an hour without upsetting her because it's so exhausting having her so cross all the time.

Will it get better, or am I doing everything wrong?

Oh, honey! I feel your pain. DS is nearly 2 and sometimes I just want to rip out my hair. He's such a lovely little guy when he's happy and then the minute things do not go according to his agenda he hits, screams, headbutts...ARRGH! I have just been putting him in his high chair when he hits. I tell him firmly, "You DO NOT hit mommy. TIME OUT!" and then walk away. I only leave him there for a minute or so and then go get him and have him apologize. He HATES sitting there so it's been quite effective. (Affective? I'm sorry, I'm totally exhausted so my spelling has gone down the toilet.) Now when he looks like he's going to hit I just remind him- "You hit mommy, you sit in time out," and that's usually enough to stop him. As far as the ballet thing, when I was a nanny the little boy I worked with had to get ready for preschool every day. He would throw the biggest fit about it; I would have to pretty much sit on him and dress him. One day I said, "ok, you don't have to go then. You're being so grumpy you must need a nap instead." I called the preschool he attended and told them he wouldn't be coming and then put him to bed. The next day I said the same thing and he got ready in a flash. Maybe, too, you could use her TV time in your favor? If she's watching TV and she has some naughty behavior, you could tell her that she's lost her TV time and turn it off. Or maybe you could only let her watch TV after ballet class or another outing if she gets ready and behaves herself? I realize of course that nearly 3 is a bit young for all of this! Really, she is still a toddler so it's a bit hard to know what to do isn't it? I said the exact same thing about DS the other day- "The only things he likes are TV and playing outside!"

But in your own words, this is a phase and shall pass! Some kiddos are just a little more emotional about things. Good luck! Mumsnet is here for ya.

Haven't read it all, but you're not doing anything wrong. DD1 (10) is like that, and always has been. I just reassure myself that it's nothing to do with me, 'cos dd2 is nothing like that.

Not much help, but I hope it makes you understand it's nothing to do with you

with Ds we have to use rewards/naughty step to get anywhere....

to get dressed/out of the house quickly I confess I use sweets (so get dressed nicely he gets a fruit pastel)

naughtiness is dealt with supernanny style, one warning then the naughty step - better than the bedroom.

mine loved stickers at this age so you could do a sticker chart or a smiley face for if she is good putting her shoes on and a frown if she is naughty
so many smiley faces = a treat of some kind
does she get lots of exercise, going to the park etc, sounds
like she needs wearing out, also go to as many groups as you can so you can concentrate on the baby (how old is he?) while she plays with different toys
it's so hard with a younger one that needs a nap isn't it? maybe get him to nap in the pushchair so you can take dd out places?

She's totally normal - my DS1 has just turned 3 and complains about everything/everything is a struggle to get him to. He does love his groups when he's there though. Where I can I try to give him a choice - do you want to go to playgroup A or the park? Do you want to wear this top or this one? Its all about their burgeoning independence at this age I think. We've also introduced sticker charts so he gets smiley faces for listening, eating nicely, etc. And the naughty step gets a fair amount of action too if the positive reinforcement isnt working. Repeat - its just a phase, it will pass... eventually.

Yep completely agree. DS is 4 in June and has been an utter nightmare in his 3's. He screamed if we wanted to go out in the car and when we got there, screamed that he wouldn't get out. It applied to everything and life was a massive battle and a huge drain on energy. I called the HV in the end and she came and saw me and reassured me that we underestimate out little darlings and they are much smarter than we give them credit for!

Stick to your guns, put firm boundaries in place and tell yourself "its a phase, it will pass".....hard I know

Are you not in the UK? That's a lot of stuff to happen before 6am.

No, not UK. Am a few hours ahead. And our day starts at 5am, so there's plenty of time for tears and tantrums before the day begins!

Thanks all for replies.

Stickers and rewards don't really work for dd. She's really not bothered about them.

It's more that no matter what I do, what sort of day we're having, she is just looking for any reason to shout and scream and be cross and fed up.

Good to know that others can relate.

Know EXACTLY where you're coming from...I regularly walk those eggshells and feel utterly ridiculous about it because DS is only 2, but generally feel I have to, to avoid yet another confrontation.

Music is probably the most annoying one - put the 'wrong' music on and I get horrible screeches and rage until I change it or turn it off.

He is, alot of the time, completely lovely, but his reactions when the most random things aren't to his liking do get to me sometimes.

repeat calming mantra "It's a phase...It's a phase...It's a phase..."

Oh gawd you have my sympathies. We have ds1 (3.6) and ds2 (2.3) and they are both giving us enormous grief atm. DS1 was always pretty easy-going, no terrible twos, while ds2 has always been a bit erm, louder, but now they are both at it constantly. They shriek when they have to get ready to go out, shriek when they have to come back, and completely ignore pretty much any instruction they are given. Or do the opposite. It's very wearing, but I think the main thing is to stick to your guns - they're at an age where they are becoming more aware of themselves as individuals, I think, and will try to push boundaries to see what is allowed and what isn't. I remain hopeful that it is indeed a phase and once they realise that we mean business when we say 'no' things will calm down. They had better, otherwise I'll be putting the pair of them up on Ebay for a knock-down price.

Is she getting enough sleep? Maybe try putting her to bed earlier? after they drop their nap a lot of toddler get overtired and grumpy