Guns ... what do we think?

[Smilewearingthin]

I am seeking advice here from any mumsnetter with older boys. My four and a half year old is (and has been for sometime) obsessed with pretend guns -- sticks, lego, old plastic bottles ... you name it, it's a gun. He 'shoots' complete strangers in the street, his sister, friends, aliens hiding in the bushes, anyone. All with wild yells of delight. Sticks are another passion of his. He collects them, carries them around with him, stores them. Loves them. And he also quite enjoys kicking his sister, and hitting out at 'annoying' other children, or me. (Sometimes he seems genuinely angry when he does this. At other times I feel he is just acting.) Are there two things going on here: a natural tendency to pretend-weapon play on the one hand and normal childhood frustration/aggression that he needs to learn how to handle on the other? Or does one feed into the other? He has an older sister (6; who doesn't fight back often) and a younger brother (6 months; to whom he is, incidentally, never anything but perfectly gentle and kind). With my DD, we had the aggression but not the weapon play and so we dealt with the anger and all is (mostly) well. But I'm not sure how to handle this male impulse towards play fighting. I find myself getting embarrassed in public when he gives full vent to his imagination ... but should I just relax and let him play out his natural tendencies while preventing him from actually fighting when he gets cross? (My mother thinks I should snatch any weapon from him and dash it to the ground with a lecture about wars and killing people. But then she had two girls ...) Views please.

DH played guns and swordfights as a child. He plays figurine battles and 'shoot 'em up' computer games as an adult. He is the least agressive man I know.

Sorry, haven't read whole thread but here's the expert advice from a parenting/ teens counsellor friend.

(apols if I'm repeating someone else's words here)

Boys have an innate need to exercise their aggressive impulses. Apparently it's typically greater than a girl's need (though girls of course can also be aggressive) because of their different biological make-up. Generally, boys who are not allowed to exercise this will go on to be more physically aggressive in later life, whereas boys who are given this freedom basically burn it out of their system and become calmer adults.

Prob a poor paraphrase, but hope it helps!

In Poland the 'gun noise' that people make is a very delicate "pif paf".

I swore blind i would not buy my little boy 3.9 a gun or encourage violant play at all, i am a complete pacifist however have been thwarted by sticks becomiing bows n arrows then shooters etc etc and finally have succombed to a water pistol as have become more concerned at the deprivation (?) breeding more issues later and they were such fun when i was a kid...... and also the apparently unstoppable nature of this from my complete softy of a child ...love the love gun idea will try that myself and keep fingers crossed is all a phase !

cat 64 - you are most probably right. I just really hate guns. Also, it's like when you get computer games with guns like grand theft auto and stuff. You get shot dead, but then you get another life in the game. Sometimes I don't think that kids understand that when someone gets shot dead, it's final and the person never ever gets another life. I am aware that I sound like a mum who hasn't got a clue because my ds isn't at that age yet, but that's just my views right now.

Jeffvadar - I think that children should know what guns are, but I just think that guns should be treated with respect rather than as toys. But as others have pointed out, I am new to this parenting malarky and my views may well change in the future as my ds grows older.