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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

'normal' 3 year old?

9 replies

oneofakind · 01/05/2009 18:38

I would welcome some advice on my ds. he is 3.4 and has always been extremely clingy (but very affectionate and funny). he has always been a bit fussy but lately we have noticed several other behaviours which are starting to cause us some anxiety because we do not know whether they are 'normal' or not. he point blank refuses to share anything,he is very fixed in his routines, is 'obsessed' by dinosaurs,color red, will only wear certain pants, plays alone at nursery or tries to play but wants to play his games only or roar like a dinosaur, needs to be directed to play things etc etc. it is very wearing for us and we feel sad when we see ds playing alone although he does'nt seem too bothered. in other respects (cognition, motor skills) he seems to be developing normally.

I've spoken to the senco at the nursery today (but get the impression she thinks i'm an over anxious mum - which i am!) she will do a couple of observations next week and report back. he is due to start a private nursery leading to a pre prep in sept but if he has 'special needs' then i am minded to put him in a state school as the support seems better - but am I jumping the gun?? any advice on what is normal behaviour at this age?

OP posts:

basementbear · 01/05/2009 18:43

Sounds like my DS2 at the same age - I had the same response when I asked the nursery teachers, and I think they were right that he was still very young. Many children seem to show these kinds of behaviours at that age, but in DS2s case these are still continuing - he's 5 now and we are in the process of getting a diagnosis (or not)! I am not an expert by any means and I am sure you will get lots of good advice here, and please don't worry!

asteamedpoater · 01/05/2009 19:02

I agree with the other poster - your ds is still very young and all the behaviours you describe COULD be a normal stage in his development. Things are only likely to become clearer when he is a bit older, although you are not wrong to be flagging it up with the SENCO at his nursery, now. For what it's worth, my ds1 didn't want to play with other children until he'd started reception class at his local primary school (age 4.5). He was also prone to obsessional behaviour at your son's age and was very clingy. Going to primary school made a colossal difference to his social skills. He is now almost a different boy - hugely more happy and outgoing.

Barmymummy · 01/05/2009 19:09

Just about to put kids to bed but I can really relate to some of your points, will post when they are in bed

Olifin · 01/05/2009 19:26

I think obsessions can be quite a normal thing at this age (as is not sharing). Certainly, I've met a LOT of 3 year-olds who are obsessed with dinosaurs.

My DD likes to be a bit different so she's obsessed with bars of soap and spoons

coppertop · 01/05/2009 19:55

Your OP could have easily applied to all of my 3 children. Two have autism and one has no SSN at all.

I think they key is the intensity of the behaviours. Dd (no SN) is obsessed with the colour pink and motorbikes. At pre-school she's happy to do her own thing. She prefers to wear certain clothes and likes to follow a routine. However, she can be very easily moved on to do other things. If her routine has to be changed at the last minute she's perfectly happy about it as long as someone explains what the problem is.

Her brothers were very different in this respect. A change of routine would result in raging meltdowns. Any attempts to dress ds2 in something other than his usual clothes would end with screaming meltdowns and him stripping off completely, no matter where he was. Ds1 barely noticed that other children existed and it took a lot of effort to involve him in activities even though he was a very placid child.

You know your ds better than anyone. If you think there might be a problem I would go with your instincts and ask for him to be assessed by a Paed. They can either reassure you that everything's fine or give advice about what might help your ds.

Original poster

oneofakind · 01/05/2009 20:52

many thanks for all of your replies - his behaviour really is starting to worry us - for eg just now he is refusing to wear anything other than pyjama bottoms which he has been in for the past one year (full of holes!!) when we put them in the wash he literally cries until he is sick. will see what the senco says and hopefully take it from there.

OP posts:

Gillyan · 01/05/2009 21:02

No advice really but it sounds hard for you.

It could just be his age and when he goes to school he will just have to learn to fit in with the others etc.

Good luck

Gillyan · 01/05/2009 21:02

No advice really but it sounds hard for you.

It could just be his age and when he goes to school he will just have to learn to fit in with the others etc.

Good luck

Barmymummy · 01/05/2009 21:18

Hiya, just wanted to post about my experience so far but I do agree with coppertop that you know your ds best and there is no harm in asking a GP for his opinion on a referral.

My DS was v v clingy and became hysterical when left (whoever he was left with). Even now he is still a very clingy boy despite being nearly 4 years old but IS getting better at last. Have even deferred him from school til Jan 2010 to let him get more practice at this. Am really hoping he takes after 'asteamedpoater' DS and comes out of himself at school. Anyway! He has only just begun (last month or so) to play with other kids. Up til then he parallel played and everything was HIS! He is still very keen on everything being his but will reluctantly share now.

He too used to roar at kids. They would run around chasing each other and DS would go up to them and roar v loudly in their faces. This upset me alot tbh so I started role playing with his toys and this has helped loads. Now greets them properly, asks to play etc and joins in well plus has stopped all the roaring.

Kids have funny obsessions/interests. Mine likes trains ALOT but not Thomas the Tank Engine , loves railway crossing gates, car park barriers and traffic lights........ BUT he doesn't go on about them unless he sees them when we are out. Being interested in dinosaurs is a typical boy theme so not surprising I guess.

What I am trying to say is kids change alot in this 3-4 year age range and what might seem odd now may well turn out to be fine after all. But trust your instincts, if you suspect a bit of a problem then seek a referral, it really can't hurt.

Good luck,xx

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