I am starting to feel burnt out

[karyncake]

I am a mum to a very busy and active 18 month old. I dont work and take care of her nearly all the time and my husband takes her out for the day when he can on some weekends.(he works very long hours and we dont live near family) and over the past few months I have been starting to feel really drained. My daughter has always been a very high spirited baby going from screaming for the first 4 months to walking at 10 months and now at 18 months she is everywhere, on the dining room table, in the washing machine, on windowsills,it seems everytime I blink she is up to mischief. I try to keep her busy but even at toddler groups she can be quite aggresive with other children or she throws toys around and climbs on chairs. She hits me alot and pulls my hair whenever she doesnt get her own way and has basically worn me out. I am still breastfeeding her which seems to be one of the only ways I can sit down and relax (when shes not twiddling or kicking me in the face) but even that is now making me feel used as she is always sticking her hands down my top or pulling on me to feed her as soon as I do sit down.
We are cosleeping and luckily she sleeps through now although she has her nights of waking up screaming for no reason.
Anyway, I am feeling really bad as I wanted to raise her in a happy loving home and although we do have fun and she makes me laugh a lot my patience has really worn thin with her aggression lately. For the past 10 months since she started hitting me and others I have been consistant by telling her no, putting her down on the ground and either walking away/ giving attention to the other child but it hasnt made a difference. The past month i have been so tired I am ashamed to say twice i tugged her hair back when she pulled on mine, I threw a book across the room when she threw it at me and i have shouted at her quite a lot.
Has anyone else felt like this at all?

Of course. There are times when they all drive you to distraction and when you're constantly being climbed, mauled, fed from, or attacked you just get desperate for a bit of time when your personal space is for you alone.

Having said that, I'm sure your best intentions will win through once this 'I rule the world' stage is passed. You are correcting her and helping her to understand when her actions are unwanted so she will come out of it ok.

The major question is 'How can you be ok now?'

If I were you I'd keep going to the toddler groups. I'm sure, given your vigilance regarding her behaviour around other little ones no-one will have a problem with you. A lot of children go through patches like this and whilst her energy will continue, the unwanted behaviour will not. You need the social interaction as much as she does.

Other things to consider are activities which will allow her to burn off some energy. Get outdoors if you can (the sunshine will be good for you too) and perhaps try some of the active classes / activities that are around.

Good luck and don't feel alone.

I agree with the toddler group thing - just to give you a break.

Most parents understand some children go through a phase of hitting etc and most don't mind if they see you are dealing with the behaviour.

Have you tried swimming with her? Getting her to walk miles? Baby gymnastics?

Can you go out in the morning and stay out?

It's a very difficult time, looking after a fiesty toddler alone full time at home. You need to accept that you are doing a good job and that it is not possible to be perfect.
Homebird has some good advice, I would add:

If your Dh is at home, try and go out in the evening to a gym, swim, class etc to give you some time away on your own.

Try to get out into the outdoors as much as you can, into spaces that are large, open and your LO can explore freely.

Break up your day in to chunks of time and plan something for each chunk, to keep your LO busy and make the day fly past for you.

If you feel yourself getting wound up, make sure your Lo is safe and walk away and take a deep breath, count to ten and return!

Things will get easier and as homebird said your approach will pay off in the end.

xposted with smallorange, but also agree that you should definitely continue with toddler group, everyone understands what it is like (or should!)

Fully agree with outside suggestions, ds2 is 19 mths and sounds very similar, but whenever he is outside , at a park, the garden or a local farm, he is much easier to manage and a lot happier. He is also a lot calmer when we get home and sleeps a lot better at night. Ds1 is the same. I know how tiring it can be and how tempting it can be to show them the anger you are feeling. I try to think of a funny memory of ds' when they are testing my patience, it is much harder to be angry when you are smiling.
Remember this stage will pass.

I feel burnt out too whilst hanging on by my fingernails.
I have to be strong for my family because I love them soo much.
Everyday is a struggle and a blur.
I work 32 hours a week (when I can) I fear I may lose my job because Im really crap at it atm I love DP, DSD and DD
Work have been relativly understanding but I fear they will lose patience

Thanks so much everyone for the advice. Something was really bothering me and making me feel quite guilty and reading all your tips made it all so clear. My daughter is very very active and needs a lot of time and space to run around. We went on 2 long walks together today and she was so happy. I am so glad it is getting warmer, we had a lovely day and i hope this is the start of a new routine.
Thanks again!

Hope things are getting better for you

My DS1 was very similar - must say things got better when I weaned him at 2 as he loved his food and I made sure he had lots of finger food that took ages to eat - helped to eastablish a routine to the day as well that feeding on demand couldn't

If its raining - my ds loved dancing and music - hard to be cross when you'r jigging around

outside is fab - sandpits are very engaging and alough you can join in you can also just sit and have a min