Help! My 3yr old screams, shouts and hits me

[beki]

My eldest son has recently started full time school and since then it seems that my 3yr old son has pressed a switch and changed to a very aggresive child.
It is really starting to get me down as i don't know how to deal with it anymore.
He is constantly screaming and shouting at me and threatens to break things and hits me.
I have tryed several things, like ignoring him and putting him in his room when he gets out of hand, but have really just run out of ideas.
He can be the most sweetiest liitle boy and it breaks my heart to see him being like this.
Please, if anyone has any suggestions i would be very grateful to hear them. Thanks.

Hi BEKsmum
Thank you so much for your thoughts on the matter and like you said maybe we can help each other out!?
Maybe we're jinxed with our simallar names, who knows!!!!!!
It is very comforting when you can talk to someone who is going through the same thing, like you at the end of the day i just let it all out and have a good cry, dh is great with him and sticks to whatever i am doing with ds, but he is at work all day and gets home about ten-twenty mins before ds goes to bed. So apart from the weekends he doesn't really see what ds is doing.
I can't beleive poor you is having to go through that and cope with being pregnant.
And mad as it sounds i am extremely broody for number three!!!!!
Is your ds your first?
I only ask as i find it quite strange that ds1 didn't really go through it this badly and now ds2 could happily be given away some days.
I think that the idea of sitting the child down facing away from you is a good idea as you are in total control of the situation and that is what i need because of his asthma.
I am feeling quite good today, we've been to the park with a friend and her two children and it could have been alot worse-he pushed his friend a few times and kept running off, but better then the full throttle tantrums i've been seeing.
He is now at nursery untill five pm
And i have just found out that i am a auntie again!
I think the thing that really gets to me is from the moment he wakes up in the morning he is in a bad mood and his mission is to see how much he can piss me off through out the day.
Oh well listen to me moaning, at least i'm not the only one and i mean that in the nicest possiable way.
Hope we can stay in touch and help each through it!???
many thanks

Hi Beki can't believe how similar our stories really are, my ds also wakes up in a foul mood normally shouting and stropping before he even gets out of bed and is then on the same mission to whinge & moan and play up until he has thoroughly wound me up.

My dh is also brilliant with our son and leaves for work early so that he can be home by 5:30pm - 6:00pm so that he can spend a couple of hours with ds before he goes to bed, but the way he is behaving at the moment I'm surprised he's bothering. I think it's more for my sake at the moment than ds's.

I'm impressed that you are broody for no.3 , this will definitely be my lot, two will be ample. So as you can tell ds is the only one until November.

I asked in the November mums thread yesterday if anyone wanted a three year old, I said I'd supply all the equipment and there would be no cost just buyer collect I was that fed up yesterday I would have given him away with a £10 note

A lot of his friends seem to be going through a naughty patch too, but none of them are as horrid as ds appears to be at the moment.

Glad to hear you have had a slightly better day, do you find that your son is better when he is out rather than cooped up at home? My son seems to be and this has been the same since he was about 6mths old so we spend most days doing something just so I'm not trapped at home with him, but being pregnant I just can't be arsed at the moment which I think is making things worse.

Plus we'd just potty trained him and now he is going backwards which is adding to my irritation as I'm sure he is doing it on purpose.

Perhaps we should swap kids and see if our's really is as bad as we think

Got to go as I've got my nuchal scan this afternoon, I went last week but the little monkey was fast asleep and wouldn't budge so they're dragging me back for another one today.

Here's to lots more conversations and getting through this together, I find my nightmare patches last about 6 months at a time so hopefully I'm halfway through.

Speak to you later.

Sorry meant to say congrats on becoming an auntie again was it a girl or boy? Hope for there sake it was a girl !!!

It was a girl, their second one!
I'm finding it quite weird too that our children sound so alike.
I do try to take him out as much as poss and am looking forward to the sunshine coming out as i'm very lucky in that i live in dorset and the beach is two mins walk down the road.
I've decided my children are most def like chalk and cheese-sooooo different.
I was very lucky with ds2 he was potty trained very early, just under two and half years old and he's dry at night, but ds1 wasn't potty trained till three years old, but they are all very different.
I hope your scan goes ok today, is it a routine one?
Well got to go and spend some time with ds1 before having to pick the other one up from nursery, but looking forward to many more conversations and getting to know you.
take care and talk a bit later
by the way happy to swap!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Beki,

Congrats on the little girl, what did they call her?

It's strange that two children can be so different, my nephews are excatly like this, one is calm and measured in what he does and is happiest in front of the playstation. He very rarely gives you any trouble and is very polite and well behaved whereas the other one is manic, hard work, a lot more full on, always running around, loves to be outside and will do the opposite of what you tell him every time to the point where we tell him the opposite of what we want him to do just so that we get the result we wanted first time round!

Strange thing is we all love them equally but with the little one it's sometimes with raised eyebrows if you see what I mean.

Lucky you living in Dorset, I love it down there, dh's aunt lives in Bournemouth and another rellie lives in Corfe. We're hoping to get down your way for a holiday at sometime over the summer before I get too huge! A friend recommended a place called Sandy Balls but I'm not sure I could take a place like that seriously

The scan went well last night although we did have to wait around for two hours before we could be seen by which time ds was getting bored, hungry and tired, but he was an absolute star and didn't play up thankfully.

Think we've conquered the nappy thing now as he wants to be like the baby and wear nappies, but I explained to him that the baby is swimming around in the nude so therefore doesn't wear nappies and that he would be more like it if he gave them up too and went back to wearing his pants - seems to be working so fingers crossed!

How's things with your little one has he been any better this week?

Better go as ds is yelling for attention, speak to you later.

Hi beks,
Not sure what you would like be to call you by?
The baby's name is carys lilly, which i thought was quite a sweet name.
Glad your scan went ok, sorry to hear you had to wait so long and with ds too, well it's good he behaved. Do you know what you are having or do you keep it as a surprise?
Sandy balls is between bournemouth and southamptom, never been there so wouldn't know what it is like.
I'm further west then bournemouth, in a little village called charmouth, which is in between lyme regis and bridport.
I've had a bit of a better day today, ethan was quite good walking to the school today so i bought him a pencil and a little note pad book and he loves it. Everytime he has started today i have threaten to take his new pressie away and he has calmed down, so fingers crossed!?
Glad to hear the potty training is a step further, i think thats a brill idea how you explained it to your ds, i'll keep my fingers croosed for you.

Well got to go and eat dinner, but will check later to see if you have replyed.
Take care

By the way meant to ask how you are doing with your ds??

Hi Beki, Beks is fine, or my real name is Tracey so you can use that if you like, these names seem odd don't they! Same question back to you then?

What a lovely name for the baby, I like Carys and with dh being welsh it would feature on my list of names at the moment. Don't know what we're having this time and won't find out as I think you need some surprise after all that pushing not that a happy healthy baby isn't reward enough.

Ethan sounds very like Ben as he gets rewards when he is good but then I threaten to take them away when he misbehaves, he has currenyly lost 5 black bags of toys and is slowly getting them back one by one, I think he'll just about get them all back before the summer ends!

Glad to hear that Ethan is behaving better for you. It's so much easier when they are being good isn't it, this must be doubly true for you with two of them. Do you find you end up spending more time with the naughty one than the good one when they start? I'm not sure how I am going to deal with this when no. 2 arrives.

I bought the Suppernanny book yesterday as she seems to work in the same way we do, I think I just need to be more consistent and thought she might be able to help.

Ben seems to have reverted to the really nice boy I know he can be at the moment which is such a relief, I must have reached the end of his 3 month naughty phase without realising how long we had been struggling for.

We stayed for a weekend somewhere near Bridport last year with friends on a holiday camp in a little harbour, it was a nice break but hard work and also freezing as we went in October! Lovely part of the country though, you're very lucky, were you born in the area or have you moved there since you left home?

Well better go as dh & Ben are going swimming so I suppose I should be doing something useful like tidying or something. Have a good Sunday and we'll catch up later.

Hi tracy,
I am actually beki, couldn't think of another name at the time!
I think thats really good of you to not find out what you are having, it'll be a nice surprise!
I knew what i was having through both my pregnancies as i had complications and had alot of extra scans and they didn't exactly try to hide that part of the baby! if i had another i would like to think we could keep it as a surprise.
Well think my days are getting slightly better, but as the days are nicer there is more things to do outside, i've also been setting in a afternoon snack of some fruit which seems to be going down well?
How is it going for you with ben?
I can't beleive you stayed so near to me, bridport is only about six miles away from me. It sounds like you most likely stayed at west bay or chisell bay? ring any bells?
I've only actually been here for seven years this christmas, before that i lived in a village called pembury just outside of tunbridge wells in kent.
Much prefer it here though and of course this is where i met my husband and started my family and i love it.
Where abouts are you from?
Well hope you and your bump are doing ok too, have to go as going to cut the boys hair and bath them.
Hope to chat agin later, beki.

Hi Beki

Well done, we stayed at West Bay, nice place if a little stuck in a 70's time warp! Very strange mix of restaurants in that little bay, the pub would let us in only if the kids ate in the bar and not in the restaurant, this totally confused me.

I know Pembury too as we live in Bromley and dh & I went on our first real date to High Rocks in Tunbridge Wells!!! Frighteningly that was 12 years ago now, boy that makes me feel old.

I really hadn't taken low blood sugar levels in the afternoon that seriously before but you are right about the snack it makes such a difference and I also find that Ben will ask for his dinner earlier too if I miss the snack out. We try to eat together when dh gets home at 5:30 - 6 o'clock so that little snack really makes the difference to his behaviour as we seem to be missing out the late afternoon tantrum.

Glad the weather is improving where you are, I got soaked to the skin today picking Ben up from pre-school, we even had hailstones and it was really cold!

How brave are you cutting the boys hair, the last time I cut hair it was my own when I was about 6 and I lopped off my whole fringe and the hairdresser thought my mum had done it to me

Better go as dh worked late tonight and is just putting Ben to bed so I'd better show willing and go and make him some dinner, not that I can be bothered now. Speak to you tomorrow.

HI Beki maybe you can help me, i just joined this site to find some help please my granddaughter will be 4 in sep its just like i am reading about her when i read your message,s plus my grandaughter hits her mum this is new to me so if anyone out there can help i do not like seeing my daughter upset she is a good mum