My DS2 has receptive language delay. He's 3.8 but understands language only as well as a child a year or so younger. Consequently there are various professionals in our life and I'm a regular on the SN board. .
I used to insist that DS2 had good socials skills at home because he would welcome other kids on playdates, and he has an absolutely gorgeous (couldn't be better) relationship with his adored older brother (2.7 years older and similar interests). I thought DS2 was good at "sharing" because another child would come round and he would say "one for DS2, one for X" and give X one of two items then play in parallel. But there was always a "hero-worship" element to his relationships with the other children though. He liked following their lead to the quite literal extent of positioning himself behind them during physical turn-taking games, as if they were big brother then slavishly imitating what they did.
Over the last two months he has developed a different kind of friendship with a neighbour's son. The seek eachother out and he tells me that he specifically wants this boy rather than other kids (particulary girls!!) to come to our house. He can answer the question "what do you like best, X or Y" and in this way he can tell me that being with this boy is his favourite activity. The boy is very fond of him (as others have been) but never describes him as "little" or "cute" (as other kindly children only a few months older than DS2 have done, often expressing pleasure at how much DS2 laughs at their slapstick "jokes").
What's interesting about the new friendship is that some of the "sharing" - especially during informal indoor activities - has now been replaced with tussling and rivalry. There are occasional tears and lots of shouting. Yesterday DS2 was furious because he wanted his friend to move his train over their track layout in a particular way and the other boy naturally refused. DS2 stamped and screamed and issued instructions and got very cross and I had to remove him from the room.
I felt a bit down about this (DH and I feel a bit "hunted" by professionals and as if we are always having to defend our child) but then I remembered nursery teacher saying that they all have to go through the "mine mine mine" phase - such that DS2's apparent cooperation before was actually a bit suspect in her eyes. It was fascinating to see how DS2 wanted the friend to play to his rules and was perhaps starting to see that that "aint gonna happen" - not in this life anyway
What do you think? Is this greater assertiveness with his new friend depressing or an encouraging sign that he's starting to "cross the next bridge" when it comes to social skills?