Help

[LUCIA22]

I have just spent the last hour sat on the sofa in DD (2yrs) room whilst she stood in her cot and screamed at me until she fell asleep. Every night is the same, she wont go to sleep unless I hold her hand. We have tried the controlled crying, that didnt work and I was advised today not to hold her hand anymore but to sit in the room without responding to her. She wakes in the night too, shouts and wants me to hold her hand, she wont accept DP going in, it has to be me. I have a DS 6 weeks old too so sleep is already a bit thin on the ground. I know that she is probably responding to having a new little brother and being 2yrs old but any tips on how to deal with it, it is driving me mad. I desperately want her to go to sleep but also feel so guilty letting her get so upset.

why cant you cuddle her/hold her hand/read to her?

Health visitor told me today that I am just rewarding her shouting by going in and holding her hand. She is relying on it evey time she wakes up and unable to go to sleep without it now. I want a solution that is going to help all of us in the long term to get her sleeping properly again but tonight I just wanted to give in and give her a cuddle, it is so hard,,

oh dear

I would say do what you want.... the HV isn't the one in the room (and IME they don't know much usually!)

She is shouting as she wants you/ your attention....so look at it the other way....(maybe from her point of view) that what you are doing is not rewarding her bad behaviour, but by ignoring her you are punishing her, and she has no idea why!

I have 5 dc, and I know what is easiest for some will not suit others, but what will probably be 10 mins for a cuddle/story is surely preferable to ages of yelling and crying and falling asleep upset?

I feel for you, but would again reiterate.... go with what you feel, not with what you are told. She is your child and you know instinctively what she needs

Good luck xx

How many months is she? I had a similar problem with ds1 when he was about 2.5 as he had bad nightmares and was scared. Is she closer to 2.5 or 3? I found that finding as special teddy (we bought him a dinosaur soft toy which he chose) and having a nightlight helped him. But we found (thanks to a lovely lady on MN!) the best thing was saying to him that I would be back in 2/5 mins and going into him. When he knew I would come back, he relaxed loads and after a couple of days he was just lying in bed waiting for me to come back. After about a week, when I went back the first time after 5 mins, he was asleep. When I went in I just said night night and smiled at him then tucked him in and went out again. If he started to make a fuss, I just said I'll be back in 5 mins'.

It never felt like cc as after first few times he got it and at most just called me. I explained it to him and he understood but if your dd is just two she might not understand?

As cazboldy says if it does not feel right for you, dont do it. That said dont feel guilty for wanting dd to sleep better and wanting more sleep yourself.

My dd2 was 19months when dd3 was born last aug and we had/have problems with her being jealous of dd3. It is had for them to understand. A book which has really helped me is 'siblings without rivalry' as it helped me to understand things from her point of view.

Hope you find the thing that works for you both soon xxx

Can you both go and choose a fairly sizeable new cuddly toy that she can cuddle in bed? Jellycat do lovely soft heavy-ish ones that are brilliant for cuddling in bed. Do you think that might help? You could have a big caht about her new friend and that he lives in her bed and needs cuddles in the night etc? My two have one each: DD uses hers as a pillow and DS covers his face with his - instant hit with both and all other bears ignored

oops sorry - x-post!