Oh bum, ds2 pulled out some of ds1's hair at bedtime...which now means that

[oopsagain]

Ds1 will get the treat they were promised for going to bed nicely.
but ds2 won't

he's only 3yrs old- i don't know if he will cope with the delayed punishment

i didn't think he'd get a chance to kick off and I thought he'd go to bed easily- so he'd get the treat...

How to deal with it?
ds1 will get the thing and ds2 won't

Then so be it.

Don't go back on your word - DS2 does not get the treat.

It's the only way a child will learn from their mistakes.

I've always taught my DS that all actions have a consequence, he understands.

I understand that the punishment will be delayed but you'll have to explain to DS2 that what he done was naughty and he will therefore be punished.

I'm babbling, its late! Good luck

you are right- i just don't wan the fight tomorrow.
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wish i hadn't even promised the treat now
grrrrr

DS1(3) has had a priviledge taken away for the rest of the week for hitting another boy at playgroup.
I'm really hoping he "remembers" it tomorrow and realises why.

at 3 my ds understands when he doesnt get something good if he's been bold, ie a magazine when we do the shopping or sweets after tea. he understands that no problem.

Missing out on a treat is not a rational consequence of pulling hair! Do you want him to grow up thiking 'I won't pull hair because otherwise I won't' get treats' or 'I won't pull hair becuase it's unpleasant'? Daft punishment IMO!

Just say sternly 'we don't pull hair' and leave it at that. He'll learn eventually.

the deal was that he would go to bed nicely and stay in bed.

But jumping on his brother and pulling his hair out wasn't in the "nicely" definition.

I usually do the consequences thing- ie messing about will cut down story time, etc.

And on a day to day basis the consequences of their actions are the wayI go for "discipline"

But what to do at bedtime?
ie not to get out of bed a million times or start throwing stuff?
in the lst 2 weeks I have started to reward them for staying oin bad and going to sleep without fighting/throwing/running around.

And it has worked!! until last night of course