What to do when distracting/ignoring/saying no doesn't work! DS only 17mnths!

[grumpymummysaysno]

Please offer me some words of wisdom.

I'm a single Mummy to my 17mnth old DS. I work 4 days a week and my Parents looks after him whilst I work. He sees his Dad every Sunday.

Basically, his behavior seems to be getting worse, but only for me.

I feel like I'm really doing something wrong.

Even simple things like changing his nappy have become a battle. I dread doing it. He screams and cries and really kicks me.

I've tried distracting him/ ignoring and firmly saying 'no kicking Mummy' but he then thinks it is a game. I can feel myself losing it with him and I really don't want to shout- he's only 17 mnths fgs.

He is such a lovely boy but I am really struggling to manage his behaviour.

It doesn't help that I am so tired and so probably not as patient as I should be.

Its just so hard.
I feel like he doesn't really like me.
I really am trying my best but it seems he is much happier away from me

It's really common for a toddler this age to have a problem with nappy changing. It really isn't you doing anything 'wrong'. He's enjoying dashing around too much and doesn't fancy being pinned to the ground - who can blame him? Around this time I switched to pull-ups for my son and he was much happier standing up. I also had a box of small toys and handed them to him one after the other. My daughter (who is now 17 months) is happy as long as I sing.

He isn't happier away from you and I bet the other carers have plenty of times when they find things a struggle.

Please don't think this is a reflection on you. Just consider each problem area separately. You've mentioned nappy changing - what else is there?

This isn't about finding one new method but gaining some confidence and finding solutions. Which you WILL do.

Toddlers struggle and don't do what we expect. They can be strong-willed and that is a positive thing. He loves you to bits I know.

Thanks Samjamsmum.

I know how he is behaving is probably normal toddler behavior but I just don't feel like I'm managing it very well.

He wants to walk everywhere now which can obviously be a pain and when I let him, he won't walk the way I need him to. He then lies on the floor screaming.

With the nappy thing, it's the kicking that really stresses me out. I will try the pull-ups idea though. Thanks

I have asked his Dad and my parents if he does these things with them but they say not.

Maybe he does but they don't see it as such a big deal.

I really wouldn';t worry about it, both of my DD's were absolute horrors with me at this age (DD2 still is) not listening, fighting at nappy change, screaming, tantrums. My mum and Mil didn't have this problem and Dh could control them quite easily (one slightly cross word and they both dissolve into tears)
I always thought of it as you are their main carer so if they are goign to be pushing their boundaries (which is all they are doing) it will be you they do it with.
Just be firm. Pick him up and move him physically away from thigns he shouldn't be doing. It will take awhile to sink in but be consistent.

Trychanging him lying sideways to you with one leg over his chest and his bum between your legs. It looks horrific to others but it really stops them wriggling off.

And most improtantly don't sweat the small stuff! DD2 is allowed to bounce on the sofa (soft landing if she falls) but not the chair. she is allowed to rattle the handles on teh drawers and play drums on the table, DH hates it but I don't want to stop her doing everything

Have you tried reins when you are walking? they hate it but it is a good way of making sure they go where they need to without having to hold hands if they wont.

Don't read too much into him not doing it for others, like I say, he knows that you will always be there, so he can push you and see what he is allowed to do. It is actually a good thing he does it with you (that's what I tell myself)
Also, try distracting. A box of raisins or a drink gets DD2 into her buggy fast with no fights if I need her to.

Thanks JackB.

Have got reins which help as he doesnt want to hold my hand but I end up just dragging him around on the reins which obviously isn't ideal!(He still won't walk the way I want him to)

I think I am probably just over-reacting.
I just really want to do the right thing by him and when we are together I want him to be happy and have fun (like he does with Gran and Daddy!)

Just worried that his behavior is a negative response to me.

It isnt a negative response to you, it is a normal response to being 17 months old.
this has some good advice as well

What does he like to do? DD's love it if I buy a roll of lining paper from b and q for about 2 quid, unroll a couple of metres on the floor and chuck some crayons on it, Keeps them quiet for hours. Do you have a garden? Let him have a bowl of water and get as soaked as he likes.
Or just lie down on the floor and tickle him.

You don't sound as if you are ver-reacting, you sound as if you are a worried tired mum who wants the best, so just like the rest of us then!

Oh, (sorry, don't mean to bombard but have dd's climbing over me and am forgetting things) I watched a friends DC the other day and she says they are horros for nappy changes, running off, kicking etc. They were absolutley fine with me as they weren't used to me so just lay there with faces on. nothing to do with them loving me more, they barely know me!
I'm just not their mum. that's what the difference is.

You could have been describing my DD at 17 months, and I got very stressed that I was the only one she really misbehaved with. It sounds mad but just a month later she's so much better. She's using a few words now, which helps her to make herself understood and all of a sudden she's much more affectionate with me too (which makes the bad behaviour easier to bear!).
She's still very strong-willed, and gets frustrated really easily which is understandable when you look at the world from a toddler's point of view. I tend to explain things to her more now - "DD we're going to do xyz in a few minutes" and tell what needs to happen to give her some warning rather than just picking her up from what she's doing. Apart from that I think all we can do is use a firm voice, distract them, remove them and on occasion just blush and wrestle with them when they kick off in public!

I think you do have to spend a lot of time at this age pinning them down, and taking things from them, and picking them up and taking them where they do not want to go, and putting them in the buggy when they don't want to
(top tip: when they are screaming and arching their back, wait for when they have to draw breath- that's the moment you push their stomach in and strap them into the buggy)

don't take it personally, keep going, do whatever you need to do

it will pass

Thank you all so much for your messages.

Just to be told these behaviours from DS are 'normal' and not a reflection on how he feels about me has made me feel so much better.

Since Wednesday (when I posted) DS has been so good. I'm pretty sure he was playing-up more because I was stressed and tired. (As in- he was being his usual toddler self and I was over-reacting)

Thanks again.