Am I the ONLY person looking after their toddler full time?

[sushistar]

Hi all
I've barely been on MN for months - I got a lot of encouragement from here when DS was tiny, and then sort of drifted away, because things were going fine. I'm finding things hard again now though, and wondered if anyone could give me some advice?
DS is just 17 months old. We co-sleep most nights, he's still breastfed on demand, and DH and I feel it's imposrtnat to be very responsive to his needs (he's never left to cry etc). This approach to parenting works well for our family, and we have made considerable sacrifices so I can stay at home with DS and not use childcare - I work from home every evening so I can stay with him during the day.

At first I made lots of other mummy friends with babies the same age, but now most - all - of my friends with babies the same age have gone back to work at least part time. I'm the only one still breastfeeding, the only one who's baby doesn't sleep through, the only one cosleeping, and the only one who doesn't have their child in nursery. They all think I'm mad, and I feel like I'm all on my own here. I don't know anyone with a similar approach to parenting as me, and it's really getting me down - especially as most of my frineds thing putting DS in nursery would be 'good for him'. How can I meet some people who do things in a similar way to how DH and I have chosen to do them? I don't mind my frineds having a different approach, but I'd really value hanging out with likeminded people now and again.

Don't worry, there are lots of us on here.

You haven't tried the NCT, have you? It tend to self select for SAHMs or those who work part-time and also for breastfeeders.

I look after my DS, 14mths, full time too and will be until he starts school I guess because a) I don't want him in childcare and b) I am due DC2 in October. Similarly, we co-sleep and DS still has a night bottle so doesn't sleep through, and I have a similar parenting philosophy to you.

I'm from the West Midlands though

Aww, thanks for all the encouragement. And it's amazing to see so many night-owl workers on here - I thought I was the only one trying to live this crazy lifestyle!

The NCT round here is great, but seems to have mainly baby-focused activitioes,. not suitable for a boistrous 17 month old. We go to lots of play groups, so I guess I will just keep chatting to people trying to find some full-timers like me. I DO believe in what I'm doing, but it's always easier if you know some others in the same situation.

Bababelle we sound spookily alike! What work do you do? I do think it seems that there are less SAHM in some areas, I guess partly because cost of living is higher and partly because people's expectations are higher too. One of my friends said she went back to work because she wanted foreign holidays every year.

Sushistar I tried to send you an individual message but you're not set up to receive them! I'm a freelance translator. Agree with you that I believe in what I'm doing but wish I knew a few more!

hi i two am in a similar situation ds1 is now three and we c slept it suited us and he would always have a good sleep.he has now started to go to bed in his own room but will always come and get in bed with us at about 1am.i was very hands on with him and he to was never left to cry but this has made things hard for us now that we have had our second son.

because he was never left to cry he now expects things when he wants them even if the baby needs feeding,changing etc. we have done things slightly diffrent with ds2 and he is such a happy baby.i think that teaching them to wait is sometimes a good thing but if you are the same as me it hurts to feel judged by other mothers. all you have to remember is that as long as you and your child are happy it doent matter what others think.how you choose to parent your child is your own business

just wanted to send big support to you sushistar, you are not alone! i'm a full time sahm with ds (nearly 3), always tried to be responsive, never did cc/cio, we coslept as and when he needed it until he got his bigboy bed last summer, but he still usually joins us sometime in the dawn hours - i don't even realise it sometimes and wake up to find him snuggled under my chin, yummy! Unfortunately i couldn't bf due to illness after giving birth but otherwise we are quite similar.

I have found lots of support in my local NCT but i am in north scotland and it just seems to be a bit more usual for people here to stay at home more (or work 1 or 2 days a week rather than fulltime) and my choice to be full sahm and sacrifice the luxuries is not deemed to be odd at all. DS has only just reached the stage of being able to be left at his "2"'s group without me now, and that is only for an hour per week. It took 2 terms for him to be ok with me going away. I never felt nurseries/childcare were the right choice for us and i don't feel its disadvantaged ds in anyway. In fact most people comment on the fact he is a very chilled out and happy boy, with a great vocabulary and a caring nature. (proud mummy preen ).

It is SUCH a short, precious, never get it back time in our lives. Be strong, enjoy it, and think of all the memories you will have!

I bf, co-sleep, babywear, practice AP-style of parenting etc but somewhere along the line, the thread seemed to get "Oh I want to meet SAHMs only" and I'm not a SAHM as need the money!!

But nevertheless, I would also suggest you go along to LLL meetings. Most of the mums at my local LLL follow exactly your style of parenting. Our local group is quite sociable and there are meetups 2 or 3 times a month.

I am on this page too. Naturally fell into attachment parenting without knowing what it really was first time round.
Now have a 17 month old, bfing on demand, not sleeping through, co-sleeping, still occasionally in a sling. I live in North London and returning to work is the norm for sure. I have met some lovely nannies though and made a good nanny friend. There are mums with younger babies though they won't stay at home forever.
I trained as a breastfeeding counsellor and meet lots of people that way and go to drop-ins and do home visits (with daughter).
If you go on your local board you may be able to set up a meet and get together with some like minded folks. I have met a friend through another site with a local board.
When your children are younger it seems hard to imagine having good friends who make drastically different parenting choices. As MIA says the key thing is that you find the right people you click with regardless of parenting choices.
I would like my daughter to have a year of pre-school experience before she starts school (as my son did) but that means she isn't going anywhere until she is very nearly 4.