seperation anxiety

[lackenstrand]

I have twin girls (almost 6) who started school last September. One of them hates change. She also hates my leaving her. Recently, the routine of dropping her off in her room (where there had been no problem) has changed to lining up outside with the rest of the school. She now refuses to get in line with her non-plussed sister and has to be dragged, crying, into the classroom by her teacher. She's fine a few seconds later and is not isolated or being bullied. In her previous montessori school, she would sometimes cling on, but they had a barrier so I could make a quick escape without her following me and she would calm down then. Star chart was started today but made no difference this morning. Do I go down the road of no chocolates or treats? It's doing my head in.......

Ah, don't punish her. I can see your frustration, but her upset sounds genuine doesn't it? Can't you talk to the teacher about it and see if they've any ideas. Or what does your daughter say about it/ why it's happening? Is she embarrassed about being so upset in front of the others? I'd bet she is poor thing. I'd say reinforce kindly that she has to line up and that it's non negotiable as is your leaving her, but ask her how it could be alright. Maybe a big hug in the car or outside the school gates, so the actual farewell is quicker? Or a treat at the end of the day if she manages it maybe? I'd bet between you, you can think of something.

Thanks, softie! No punishment then. She's a very affectionate girl and I think she has just got into a habit. The star chart was her teacher's idea and maybe I should give it a bit of time. And I'll talk to her again about how we might improve things together. Thank you for your help and more gentle approach.

I have most definitely been there lackenstrand, and yes I am a softie mostly but have been pushed to snap by DS over similar things. Thing I've found is that if I try and make him do something, it always makes things worse. You have to be clever...