I am at a loss.

[kjpompey]

Still new to this, so please excuse the lack of abbrieviations etc.

I am at a complete loss as to what to do with my nine year old boy.
When he gets frustrated (which is often) he hits himself, I had become immune to reacting to this behavior other that to say "that is going to solve nothing" when it happens. However last night he did it when we had company, and to see the shock on my guests face was very upsetting.
My child has always had problems of one sort or another, he is slow at learning and has poor motor skills.
I have an appointment with the doctor this afternoon, but i'm not really sure what im going to say.
Im certain these problems run deeper that just him being an angry kid, he suffered problems when he was born, one of which was being starved of oxygen, but i dont really understand where to start wih explaining these issues to a doctor.
The last thing I want is for him to be diagnosed with having a problem, however - to know that this is not my fault would ease the guilt.
Does anyone elses child suffer with similar issues, is there a problem I am not picking up on? Is there anything I can do to help?
Thanks for reading.

Hopefully, someone with some experience will come along to advise as I'm sure I've seen people post on MN, methods they have taught their children, which help them release their frustrations in a less destructive way.

hoping someone who has experience will come along shortly. Wonder if it might be worth asking the doctor if there is any way to access some child counselling or something like that to help him find other ways of dealing with anger. I think relate do child counselling or they might be able to to recommend some useful websites or books which might help you with dealing.
good luck

I'm no expert at all in terms of phsyiological stuff that could be going on here. It may be well worth posting this in Special Needs too.

However, even if there is a physical cause, perhaps dating back to the birth issues, then there is still going to be the behavioural side to deal with.

Hitting oneself, not eating, sabotaging achievements, etc. is common behaviour in a variety of situations. The root cause can be confusion, insecurity, lack of self esteem, etc.

It isn't the fault of anyone but there may be things that certain people can do now that will significantly help him.

Try and equip yourself with a full account of school's perception of him. Ask for more than their appraisal of his academic performance.

If they have not identified any major problems, share yours with them and ask them for their thoughts. Do you have a Family Support Worker attached to your school as part of Extended Schools Services? Find out who this is and ask to meet with them to discuss this.

When you see your GP tell them you need referring for behavioural support, advice and possibly assessment.

If you meet brick walls, as sadly sometimes happens, try not to be disheartened. Public services in this area are greatly improving but there is a way to go and so you may not immediately get the help you need without pushing for it.

has he had any support for his poor motor skills and learning difficulties?
What do the school think of him?

I'd write down a list of everything that you are concerned about on a day to day basis.

You could ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician for assessment, or maybe someone like CAHMS could help with providing counselling.

If you don't get anywhere with initial attempts the places to ask about are:

Behaviour Support Team (BST)
Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS)
Family Support Worker (FSW) Child and Young Person Support Worker (CAYPSW) and the Extended Schools Coordinator (ESCO)
Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO)

BST will only take a referral from school (SENCO) or health (GP or School Nurse).

Get onto your local council website and find out who the Parent Partnership Coordinator is or the Parenting and Information Officer. The PIO will have all up to date info on parenting courses and other avenues for referral and is employed under CSF (Children Schools an Families) but usually based within District Council offices.

thanks thats all really helpful, we have tried chams before, but he really didnt like the woman assigned to him. at the initial consultation she told him that she wanted to talk to me and not him, and that put his nose out a bit!!!