4yr middle child thumb sucking...help

[studentBFC]

hi, my daughter is a nightmare, shes a middle child so this is prob just another attention seeking thing, but she just seems to be constantly doing something, when my youngest daughter was born, she regressed backwards and stopped using the toilet, she was 3 and toilet trained before hand, i knew that was an attention thing so i tried not to get cross with her, gave her lots of love and cuddles, but it drove me mad....theres only so much poo you can handle!!

well she did that for about 5 months then suddenly stopped.

then she started sucking her thumb....never done this before never had a dummy, at first it was an attention thing but now it has grown into a habit and she cant stop she does it so much she has made the skin round her mouth and the skin on her thumb so sore it sometimes bleeds, ive tried everything i can think off but nothing works,

now she has started wetting herself again, she wets at nursery...in bed...whislt out, its started making her legs sore where the wet rubs, ive taken her to the GP to make sure nothing physically wrong, we went to see a child phycologist, but she didnt really help just told me what i already know, thats shes middle child and doing anything for attention, it just seems to be one thing after another and i dont know what to do, yesterday we went shopping and i had her just screaming that she hated me and wants a new mummy......

its really hard it seems that no matter how much attention and love i give, its not enough she craves more, but i dont want to give her attention for all the bad behaviour,, so i dont know what to do....help!

Hi Student. Has something happened in her/your life when she started to suck her thumb?

I am a middle child and I wish people would stop saying were attention seeking! I seriously felt my mum and dad had it in for me (it turns out my dad actually did!)
my family would hate it that I was the one to stick up for myself and say things that may hurt pople but were actually true. everyone else just 'conformed'.

Your dd will not hate you. Children only use the words they have been taught. not all the time understanding what they mean.

your dd seems seriously upset with a life change or a certain situation that she has seen upset you, her, or someone else in her family.

Shes acting out because she needs to be heard. Have you taken her out, to do something that she loves and spoke to her on her own level?

I think your child psych was wrong and crap to be honest. theres so much more in a childs life that can be causing them to wet the bed.

Have you tried leaving her in her wet clothes for a while? I wouldnt change her as soon as shes dne it, so that she gets to 'feel' what shes done iyswim? We did this with a litle girl at nursery once (with her moms consent) she was the oldest child and had a baby brother. She wouldnt go to the toilet at all, not even a potty.

The little girl I nanny now, whos 5 has just started wetting again, and also sleeping back in mums bed, as her 'nanny' has changed.

what did your gp say?

hi chellesgirl, thank you for responding, its so hard, i think mainly its the birth of our youngest that has bothered her most, she was the baby of the family, then another one has come along,
i think in one way im lucky as all the girls get on, there is no major resentments between them, thye all fight with each other while at home but if we are in an outside situation or at a party and somebody does something to one sister, then they all group together to look out for each other, i love that about them, my middle one is most protective of both her sisters, even though shes only 4, she doesnt stand for any crap!!

its really hard to do things together just the 2 of us when theres always one of the others about....i dont know if that ever gets any easier! i try my best to give each of them their own special time with mum, they are all so different, my eldest loves having time together, she thrives on it, but never begs for the attention, which makes me feel sad to, middle daughter does all the things as described above( by the way GP said the same thing, but is testing for urine infection just in case!)
and my youngest daughter just fights the other two, they are all so different and i love them for there differences, its just never easy is it!

could you give me some advice as a middle child yourself? what would have helped you? you said you didnt feel heard, what were you trying to say?

thank you!xxx

Same with me. I was always and still am protectiveof my sisters. The middle child tend to have 'more' emotions. i always felt bad for my dad when my moms mom told him off (even though he deserved it) i felt bad for him. it was like I could feel what he was feeling.

doing thins together...it will get easier, can your DP/DH not take the other two for an hour while you take middle dd to maccyd's or something?It will give yo a chance to sit down and talk. I know shes only 4, not 14 but shell still understand.

I know it sound harsh (hope it doesnt come accross this way tho) but with regards to your oldest dd. The reason why shes not attention seeking is beause 'shes the first' 'shes the oldest' 'shes the best' in her mind. She has no one to compete with and she know it (just like my older sis) where as the middle ont has someone they have to look up to and 'do better' but sometimes its not physically or emotionally attainable and so they feel like they arent able to do these things, and then need to seek attention in different ways i.e acting out. I never got to understand how to get positive attention without doing something wrong until I met my dp, whos life was so much more difficult than mine, and also not entirely untill i had my own dd at 20.

A long way off! But there are things you can do. If you can enrol her in a dance class or something she likes doing and you can see she is good at and praise her for it.

shes a little monkey though, more boy than a boy i think!! at the moment we go to karate classes because she doesnt like girlie things!!!

shes doing really well at that, thank you for your advice....just gotta keep giving her the love im sure its gonna get worse before it gets better(teenage years...ahhhhhhh!!)

yeh, lol I here you about the boy thing! Middle children do tend to be proper tomboys! Like me

yeh as well watch out for the teenage years, some advice... she has to respect you, no matter what, shes the child still and your the mum. If you ground her, ground her...dont give in like my mum did, it didnt do me any good at all. I actually wish shed snt me to an all girls school or something!