Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

DD is nearly 3 and is still biting, how do I stop her? (sorry, long post!)

6 replies

squidgeymiller · 26/04/2009 19:18

DD started biting after having been bitten at nursery about a year ago. as a last resort the staff moved her to a room of kids slightly older than her, thinking they'd fend for themselves and would nip the habbit in the bud. What actually happened is that she really enjoyed being with the older kids and was really stimulated by their curriculum and the biting stopped. However, last august they kept HER in the same room and moved the kids she'd been with before (the younger kids) up to the same room as her (I have no idea why - it doesn't make any sense to me).

Things were fine for a while but she started biting again a month or so ago, so, as it seems to be when she's bored or when the other kids are stealing toys she's playing with (and has been playing with for quite a while) the staff decided if it was OK with me to move her up a room again. She loves the new room and all the kids think she's great, but there has been the odd occasion where she's bitten or scratched again (2ce I think in the last month or so, so not every day, but enough to stress me out!). The result this time is that the kids make up stories when I go to pick her up "Niamh hit me, Niamh bit him.......". The staff are very quick to tell me - and the tale teller - that she did not and not to make up stories!
but when she DOES do something the other kids react and don't want to play with her. I think this might be the only way to stop her but I also don't want her to end up with no friends. She says she wants to go back to her old room and that she has no friends in the new room, but the staff say she's v popular and is always playing with the others.

How do I stop her being violent at nursery? she has quite a few friends outside nursery and NEVER behaves in this way. The staff's hands are tied coz they're not even allowed to use the word "naughty", they can only say "you made xxxx sad". They can't suggest anything apart from that she'll prob grow out of it and that she's really bright etc....

I really want this to stop as it really worries and stresses me... I worry about when she starts school, I was thinking of sending her to school early (her birthday's May so she'd only be a bit younger than the others)as she seems to have a longer attention span than the others and is at the top of her class with the older kids - even at french, numbers and matching/cutting/manual dexterity etc... She is pretty small still for her age but if she continues to be at the top of this class it will have to be considered. I just don't want this to happen when she starts school, I've read a lot of threads on here about people who had loads of support at nursery and then when the kids start school the kid just gets excluded, I really don't want that, as much as I don't want MY kid to be a violent kid / bully / hurt anybody else's kid. I feel terrible when she hurts someone else - totally ashamed as if I've failed as a mother, but I just don't seem to have any control when she DOESN'T do this at home.

please please please please give me any advice you have.... I've tried everything I can think of short of diet but we're generally v healthy and she doesn't get many sweets / artificials.....

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 26/04/2009 19:27

I know this is not what you want to hear...but she will grow out of it. DS was almost 4 before he stopped biting (he was absolutely appalling at nursery, too!). He stopped almost overnight and has never bitten again. I think they reach a stage where they have a better understanding of what's socially acceptable and what's not (and that people won't generally want to play with you if you bite them). It's very hard to stop a hardened biter before they 'get it' for themselves, in my experience, although obviously you and the nursery must keep reinforcing the message that biting is unacceptable.

Sorry haven't got any more constructive advice for you, but I just wanted to say - I totally sympathise!

squidgeymiller · 26/04/2009 19:47

thanks v much MrsMattie. I feel terrible about the whole thing, it's nice to have a bit of sympathy (generally as the mother of the biter you don't get much - you've prob been there too!) thanks!

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 26/04/2009 20:01

Oh God. You are constantly apologising, aren't you? And dreading going to pick your child up and being told yet again that he/she has bitten. It's a very hard patch in their development, I know. It will pass, though. Promise!

squidgeymiller · 26/04/2009 20:04

thanks x

OP posts:
squidgeymiller · 27/04/2009 10:16

bump

OP posts:
weaselm4 · 30/04/2009 21:03

You could be talking about my DS (3.2) - and I'm wondering the same thing - when he'll stop. He's similarly bright, longer attention span, physically smaller than peers, and I have similar worries to you. So although I don't have any advice I just wanted you to know you're not the only one, and I'm sure your daughter is a lovely little girl. We'll all get through it!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page