Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

my 5yr old is being bullied - sorry long

15 replies

popsocks · 26/04/2009 09:30

i went to pick my son up from school and his reception teacher asked to have a word. she said there had been an incident in the playground at lunchtime today and my son had wet himself.3 bigger boys had held him in the corner and wouldnt let him go even though he said he needed the toilet til he was so desparate/scared he wet his trousers. when they let him go he ran to the dinnerladies and told them and they helped him change into his pe kit. his teacher then asked him about it and the head teacher aske dhim about it. when i asked him about it he told me exactly the same he also said he had been about to ask dinnerladies to go in to the loo before they grabbed him. he showed me how they held him and was on the verge of tears. i reminded him how important it is to tell the truth and he says he is. i believe him but i dont want to keep asking him as he gets upset and i dont want him to think i dont believe him, he also told his dad and his nanny the same. all weekend he has been saying he dosent want to go to school and has been on the verge of tears, when i ask him whats wrong he says nothing and clams up. his teacher asked me to see if my son would tell me anything else about what happened and to see her monday morning. how can i help my son, he wont talk about it much and i dont want to upset him anymore. i think the school has done the right thing so far in getting the head and his teacher invovled but what can they do if ny son cant tell them who it was apart from bigger boys. a friend of his was playing near and was also asked about it by the head. another friend told her mum that some boys were being nasty to my son at lunchtime. any advice would be appriciated thanks

OP posts:

sallysparkle · 26/04/2009 09:40

Oh you poor thing that must break your heart. I think the school are doing a good job and are taking it seriously so I would feel encouraged by that. If it was me I would explain to the teacher that he doesn't want to go to school. I'm sure they will keep an eye on him and tell the dinnerladies to do the same. Did he identify the other boys?

Littlefish · 26/04/2009 09:42

What a very frightening experience for your ds. Is this the first time it has happened, or a single incident?

It sounds like the school are acting quickly by getting the headteacher involved. I suggest that you arrange to see the classteacher on Monday and ask what plans have been put in place to ensure that this doesn't happen again. Even if your ds isn't able to name the older boys, the teacher/headteacher needs to talk your ds's whole class about how to handle situations like this. It could be done as part of a circle time etc. so that your ds doesn't feel it's only him.

shootfromthehip · 26/04/2009 09:45

If the school know what went on and are dealing with it then all you can do is tell your DS to stay away from them. The only alternative is to wait and see if something else happens again and then maybe approach the school to see how they are going to handle it, or the parents of the offending horrors to make them aware of what is going on.

most Primary schools are very good at nipping bullying in the bud so try to keep positive that it will be remedied. Also try to keep it whole thing as low key as possible for you DS, explaining that some older children will be mean because they can and it is their flaw and not his.

Good luck

LeonieSoSleepy · 26/04/2009 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

popsocks · 26/04/2009 09:50

i forgot to say that his dad asked him why didnt you push the boys away and he said because were not allowed to push at school i would of been told off. it is not the first time. an older boy, who has since been excluded, bullied alot of the younger children and my son had been punched several times and we went in about that, the teacher wasnt aware anything was going on as the dinnerladies had not reported anything so we went to the head about it. they were then very good about it and the problems were dealt with. so i think this is why they were quick to get involved. i no my son is no angel, he is very loud and has a big personality and confident, i dont think he would go and start anything with older children and his teacher has also said that while he is confident around hiss peers he isnt quite so much when out playing with other year groups.

OP posts:

Original poster

popsocks · 26/04/2009 09:53

he also couldnt say who it was only that they were bigger boys. the school has 2 platgrounsa one for reception yr 1 and yr2 and the other for yrs 3 4 5 and 6. there is a corner to go round between each palyground so i dont know which bigger boys he meant

OP posts:

Littlefish · 26/04/2009 09:54

Your son has done the right thing in allowing the school to deal with this, rather than fighting back.

It sounds like the school are building up a picture of behaviour in the playground and are reacting appropriately to it.

I agree with shootfromthehip's post apart from the part about speaking to the other parents. For the time being, I really would leave it with the school to sort out, as long as you feel that they are putting systems in place to prevent it happening again, as far as possible.

kalo12 · 26/04/2009 09:56

poor you and poor ds. This is awful. I think maybe one way your son could tackle it is to say 'i don't like it when you bully me' By naming the bullying for what it is maybe the other boys will have a realisation, as bullying is dealt with quite effectively in schools.

don't know if this is appropriate, i have no experience of this age group.

Hope you get some good advice.

Original poster

popsocks · 26/04/2009 10:03

thankyou all for your advice i have to go to work now so wont be back until tonight. this also dosent help my son who is being clingy with me even though his dad is here. his dad is coming to speak to the teacher with me tomorrow

OP posts:

isenhart7 · 26/04/2009 15:23

popsocks-is it possible that he could stay home for a day or two? It sounds as if he nay need a bit of a boost in confidence. When you talk about the incident you could try shifting the focus from the details of what the boys did to the HEROIC deeds that your FIVE year old boy accomplished. He didn't fight back-he was exactly right about that decision as then he would be in trouble as well. But that may have taken some self-control and I think you could talk about this aspect of being "cool under fire" and praise him for that! He also immediately reported the incident to adults-so good, good, good, for him. Your son was not only on the receiving end of highly inappropriate behavior he ALSO responded entirely appropriately!

Meanwhile-you should, if you haven't already, write down the details of the incident as your son reported them to you.

Original poster

popsocks · 26/04/2009 22:41

thanks yes wrote everything down and am taking it in when speak to teacher tomorrow. also have praised him for telling etc. will be on again tomorrow to let you all know what happens, thanks for all advice

OP posts:

Heated · 26/04/2009 22:50

Your poor lad

Isenhart has some really good advice about praising him

Also the fear of what might happen at break & lunch time & maybe also others in his own class laughing at him probably loom large in his mind - so he'll need some practical coping strategies agreed with him in front of his teacher e.g. playing at break in a certain area near a member of staff - seeing his class teacher straight away if he feels upset...and then privately you'll want to know what is going to be done.

kalo12 · 27/04/2009 19:20

could you also mention to mums of his friends to let their los know to keep with him.

hope its all going ok

booyhoo · 27/04/2009 19:35

i still cant believe children can be so cruel as to do that to a younger child. my ds is almost four and starting to play with older children in our nighbourhood, i am constantly watching them in fear of this type of bullying taking place. i really do feel for you and your ds, the poor lad. sorry i have no advice that hasnt alrady been given. i am just in shock.

t875 · 27/04/2009 20:48

do you know the mums of the boys? Is he friends with these boys?

I would have a word with the mums, i know this is very taboo and a lot of people dont speak to the mums but in this instance i would. I would ask "has --fallen out with (your son) as they dont seem to be playing well..say dont know whether - knows but he is being rough (although you know he is being very bad) but come accross that way.

There is a girl in my daughters class who is pushing my daughter over a lot and i have had just about enough of it, she is very rough and too rough. I have mentioned this to the teacher, i do kind of know her mum so i'm going to say..i know --- likes my daughter but she is being far too rough with her cuddles, if you can ask her to calm down that will be great"

I hope things get better and the dinner ladies keep a very close eye on the situation.

Flip