Help! Kids driving me insane!!

[lloydie]

I have a 20 month DS and a 3yr 4m DD and quite frankly, they are driving me mad!

My DS will not go to bed unless either myself or DH are in the room with him, if we leave before he's asleep he screams (sometimes making himself sick) and screams, throws his dummy and I even caught him getting a chair to climb OVER the safety gate one night!!

Once asleep then he and DD (although not DD so much) take it in turns to climb in and out of our bed all night. When I worked part time it wasn't so bad, but I'm back at work full time now and have to be out the door at 6.30 am every day for work. I have to say that having disturbed sleep is now really beginning to affect my mood.

So, that's sleep, then we have food. DS generally eats most of his food, but what he doesn't want goes straight on the floor, so I seem to spend my weekends desperately trying to tidy/clean the house.

The last and most frustrating thing is that DS hides EVERYTHING. I've spent mornings searching for deodorant, my watch, my brush etc. etc. because he's decided to hide them. I've tried putting things up on shelves, but he finds something to climb on to get whatever he wants down.

I know that I'm moaning, but the longer it goes on, the less amusing I'm finding it, where now I'm at the point that I just don't want to spend time with them. .

I understand that this is a phase, but I just wanted to get it off my chest as I've spent most of today angry and upset, which is not a good way to be feeling.

Thanks for listening.

you poor thing you must be exhausted.
no wise words of wisdom I'm afraid as my dc's are much older but hopefully someone will be along shortly.

Thank you.

You need to try rapid return with him. Pop him to bed, tell him you are outside, now it's time for him to go to sleep, you will be downstairs as this is where you go when little ones are in bed, then walk out. If he gets up then go back and lie him down, don't say anything, do it again and again until he gets the message. It's important not to say anything so not to reward him with your attention.
Tackle one problem at a time it's easier. I'd put your things where he can't get at them (in a high kitchen cupboard for example), the novelty will soon wear off.

All I can say is read my thread called brotherly & sisterly love...pah. Its a different kind of pain but I feel yours too!! Kids eh?!!

I'll have a look now, Barmymummy. Thanks.

Oh you have my sympathies. I have been finding it tough this week too.

Re the food - could you try only putting miniscule and guaranteed to be eaten amounts on his plate and only add to it when all eaten up and he asks for more?

Re the sleep - and that is what seems to be getting you down - you might get some good suggestions on the sleep board. I have heard good things about Rapid Return though I guess in the short term you would be more tired so it is hard to contemplate. Would they sleep in a 'nest' in your room so they don't disturb you?

I hope things improve for you soon.

You need a stair gate on the little darling's door to stop him from escaping aswell. It'll be the same principle for this aswell I'm afraid. Once he gets out, back to bed, no nonsense.

And have you tried gradual withdrawal when putting DS to bed? (Though I admit we still cuddle DS1 to sleep at 2.7 - only takes 5 minutes)

Hi, Sorry to hear you are going through the mill with them at the moment.

My DS did the food thing for a while, so I stopped all snacks and when he was hungry re offered left overs as the snack. He also has a spare plate for food he doesn't want to eat, this is also kept in the fridge and re offered. It still happens, but at least I have the mantra....put it on the plate, not the floor. I have given DS the dutpan before now.

Poor you!

I think the first thing you need to sort out is the sleep problem.

Can you do the whole bath, quiet chat, teeth, story in bed routine, followed by lights out then you explaining to your ds that you will sit outside his door until he is asleep? If he talks to you just say 'shh, it's time for sleep now.' Each time he gets up, put him back to bed and keep repeating until he falls asleep. It may take a few nights but it will work eventually.

When he or dd gets into your bed, return them to theirs, tuck them in and back to your bed. This may take several nights, but you can talk to them first about what you plan to do, and that you all need your sleep especially as you all have busy lives!

Good luck. This wont be easy to solve, but with consistency and lots of patience you will do it!

Thanks for the advice. I will try the rapid return thing. I do recall our DD going through a similar phase at around the same age and she goes to bed and sleeps really well now. The only thing is that if she awakes in the night and DS is in our bed, she wants to come in too, but I think that's more about "well he's doing it, so why can't I?".

Also if we say to her "five minutes and then back in your own bed" she does go back to bed, but if we say to DS "back to bed now" he screams the place down!

I think we need safety gates on just about every room in the house. The kids are constantly in the kitchen trying to find sweets, and the other day I caught DS dipping his dummy and hands in our downstairs loo and think putting them in his mouth! Disgusting!

I basically have to close the door to a room once I leave it, but our kitchen doesn't have a door on it, so I guess we're going to have to get yet another safety gate....

Oh, the joys of parenthood! At this very moment my DH is shouting at DD to leave our DS alone...

What's your bedtime routine? That can help make them more relaxed and settled and aid the rapid return. Bath, fun and games while we get dry and dressed (hokey cokey tonight - how odd!) then a story all with night blind down so it's darker works for us. My 24 month old is still in her cot so can't get out which obviously makes life easier, but she usually goes straight to sleep or gets books from bottom of bed to "read" or puts her teddies to sleep with her.
With food I would give less and the moment it starts getting played with ask if he's finished and remove it.
Does DS have plenty of his own toys to play with within reach? My DD loves to get hold of deodorant etc when we're in the bathroom, but isn't usually alone upstairs to get hold of things without me. Cupboards are better than shelves - out of sight = out of mind. Can't you keep your bedroom door shut so he can't get at watch/brush etc?

Hi all, we do have a kind of a bedtime routine, i.e. ready for bed, story, lights off, and sleep (supposedly), but obviously we need to try and perservere with putting him back to bed.

I am going to try the suggestions that you have given about food.

Must go, DS has just climbed on a chair and pulled a plate off the table, which has just smashed all over the floor and DD is now crying her eyes out.

what andlipstick says. Always talk to him and explain what you're doing and why. He'll understand eventually.
Also, what time does he go to bed? Overtired kids are much harder to get to bed. If he's annoying his sister now it's probably because it's past his bedtime.

My 2.4 year old goes to bed at 6:45pm which works wells if that's any help?
Probably not.

Thanks for all your help ladies.

Feeling much calmer today. We've been for a nice day out at the park and the kids have been running about in the fresh air, so should sleep well tonight.

Think I was just overtired and stressed yesterday! .

Thanks again for all your help.