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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What age did you allow your daughter/son................................................?

34 replies

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 11:53

....walk to the local shop/school etc alone?

DD1 (who is 9 and will turn 10 in June) has just taken her first walk to the local shop by herself. It's about a 10 minute walk each way and DH have just had the longest 30 minutes of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the other hand DD was grinning from ear to ear when she got back, think she felt really grown up, ahhhhh! We usually take her to school and she will walk out of school with friends or alone and meet me half way home every day.
Any other time we tend to go everywhere together as we have a car.

Would be interested to hear what other people have done with their children in the past. DH and I were chatting and he was saying he was walking to and from school by himself at the age of about 7.

Am I over protective? Maybe I could have let her do it much sooner, I know some of her school friends have been walking to school for quite some time now. Are things really any different now to when we were younger? Surely all the dangers were out there then but maybe we are more aware of them now?

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YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 25/04/2009 12:02

It does depend on where you live, but whatever happens the biggest danger out there is realistically from traffic - so it depends on how sensible and traffic-aware your child is. DS has been walking to school on his own since he was 9 (quiet, safe area and only one residential road to cross). Only you know what your dd is capable of, so it's less an age and more a maturity issue I think.

It's tough giving them independence but such an important part of growing up IMO

PinkTulips · 25/04/2009 12:03

i was walking to the shop for my mom, including crossing roads by the age of 8, and walking the 1.5 miles home from school by myself in 3rd class so 8/9... that involved loads of roads too.

dp would have been even younger.

kids around here it seems to be 8ish i think.

ABetaDad · 25/04/2009 12:09

YouKnowNothing - the roads are my biggest worry. Our DS1 (9) wants to walk to school on his own, only 5 minutes away, but has to cross a busy road and it really is a commuter route so people are in a hurry and just do not take care in the morning and evening. Lost of drivers on the mobile, putting make up on, jumping the crossing lights, etc.

It is becomoing an issue. The problem is that like many boys he does not concentrate all the time and nearly walked straight across a side road the other day before I screamed out and grabbed him to stop him getting run over.

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 12:10

Local shop - DS1 7.6yrs old shop and back was about 10 minutes, then had a break for about 3 months when he was 8.5 as we'd moved house and shop was further away and he had to negotiate zebra crossings. He then started again about 2 months ago (will be 9 in September) shop about 30 minutes there and back.

School - DS1 - about 6 (but we were next door - literally . Again had a break when we moved as much further away (about 15-20 minutes walk) but he's been doing that on his own for about a month - and yesterday I let him leave a good 5-10 minutes before us, rather than the usual 1-2 minutes (1-2 minutes I usually caught sight of him as we walked along after him

DS2 not gone to the shop on his own yet - he's only 5. But he started walking to school on his own about a month after he started reception (again while living in the house next door to the school). Obviously this has now stopped until he starts the Junior school (when he'll be nearly 8) - when I shall allow him to walk up with DS1 who will be in YR6.

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 25/04/2009 12:12

I started letting Ds walk to school and back last November. He had turned 10 in the August. It is very hard ~ well it was for me anyway. He pops up to the local shop/post box for me too though I think I got him to run up there once or twice before the big wrench of the school walk.

From what I know of Dorset(had a peep at your profile), it is a nicer place than where we are, which ought to make the difference I suppose .

It's just very hard to let them go, but of course we have to at some point don't we?
Sorry, I'm waffling a bit. Do it gradually and just be comfortable with your decision. I was hovering at the window at first too and the first time he was late! he got a rocket from me and I threatened to start taking him again ~ that sorted him out!

Good luck.

Wallace · 25/04/2009 12:12

My 7 yr old dd goes by herself, and her 6 year old friend is allowed to go with her.

This really is one of those questions that really depends on the individual child, where you live, how far the shop is, etc.

We live in a small village, with only 1 small road (and one entrance to a car park) to cross.

FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 12:13

The roads were my biggest issue with DS1 going to the shop and school from this house. I wasn't worried about him having a 20 minute walk to school on his own - I knew he could cope with that. But he'd never used Zebra crossings except a few times with me. So we had a few months of learning how to use them, how cars don't always stop, making sure he knew that if he wasn't sure if a car was slowing down or not just wait , even if it means "holding up" a car coming the opposite way that's already stopped etc etc.

I got him to tell us when it was safe when going to school to make sure he knew how to do it.

Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 12:15

Yes traffic is a worry - we have one busy road near us which people are known to drive much to fast on.
ABetaDad - I'm sure we've had times like that where DD hasn't concentrated but to be honest I think DD was becoming far too dependant on us telling her how and what she should do. I think this morning has been a really good lesson for her as she has had to think for herself.

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Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 12:18

I also have another DD who is 7 - I can't even think about letting her go anywhere by herself yet - not sure if that's because I don't think she's sensible enough or because I feels she's too little. LOL [ blush]

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Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 12:18

Sorry terrible typos there!! LOL. The nerves are getting the better of me.

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stillenacht · 25/04/2009 12:19

my son is 10 in August and as yet we haven't let him walk to shops (5 minute walk there) (crosses two little roads and a larger road although not anywhere near an A road). We will let him stay in house on his own for 5/10 mins as i go up to the shop.

Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 12:21

stillenacht - that's another interesting situation. I've never left either of the DDs in the house alone yet - only if I've popped next door for two minutes!

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FAQinglovely · 25/04/2009 12:24

I must say though that DS1 excelled himself and exceeded my expectations on about his 4th trip to the shop for me on his own (aged about 7) . He'd been (and still is really) very much a child who needs to be told what to do all the time. I let him start going to the shop to try and help him feel more independent and think for himself.

The first few trips it was "milk" . The 4th time it was eggs, milk, bread, baked beans. I gave him a little list but decided to just let him get whatever, even if that meant we ended up with a bog of battery eggs, heinz baked beans (I also buy shops own) and cheap bread.

He came back with the exact same ones that I would have bought if I'd gone on my own. And I realised then that although he may not appear like he's paying proper attention that actually he does (most of the time)

stillenacht · 25/04/2009 12:25

Yes i have left DS for 5 mins if i am popping to the shop or to the garage - but still take my younger one (he has LF ASD). Am wondering when (if ever) i would be able to leave eldest in charge of youngest (probably never - would end in a blood bath i am sure).

Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 15:30

LOL - DD has been asking to go back to the shop again - wants to buy some popcorn to eat while watching film tonight. Any excuse to go now - this is going to cost me a fortune!!!!!!!!!!!

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gardeningmum05 · 25/04/2009 15:45

let mine at 10, hes now 11 and plays out after school with his mates, and i let him go the local leisure centre swimming.
he has a phone with him though and i often find an excuse to ring him

ABetaDad · 25/04/2009 16:43

The first time I crossed the road on my own was when I was 13.

I might have let go a bit earlier than that with DS1.

However, my wife says he is not allowed until he is 15 and no girlfriends until he is 18 and she has veted them first. She is only partly joking.

Original poster

Sparkler · 25/04/2009 22:26

LOL - Think that's how we will be!!!

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risingstar · 25/04/2009 22:52

We are very lucky to live in an area where kids can walk to shop/park without crossing roads( its all back paths and greens). DD1 went on her own at 7 and DD2 with her at 5. I steadfastly refuse to beleive that there is any greater risk from pervs than when we were kids, but feel the risk from traffic is much much higher.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 25/04/2009 22:54

ABetaDad - 13!!! Did you live on the central reservation of a motorway or something?

Tommy · 25/04/2009 23:02

DS1 went to the corner shop on his own during the Easter holidays - he is 7.

He has one road to cross on his own (I stood in the front garden and watched him cross)and then a big junction which has a pedestrian crossing.

He was really chuffed with being allowed to do it and I was really proud of him.

(I was walking home from school on my own at 6 though so I'm not very precious about it all anyway )

PinkTulips · 25/04/2009 23:11

abetadad.... my crazy overprotective mother who had to ring an ambulance after i was hit by a van outside my own home at the age of 8 only supervised me for about 3/4 months after that and by 10/11 i was allowed to walk 2 miles into town to the library as well as home from school!

(tbf, the van didn't hit me crossing the road, i was stood a bit too far out and he was speeding and driving a bit too close and neither of us noticed the other til he glanced off me and ran over my leg to boot. poor man was due to get married a week later and went into shock.... he was in our house for hours after the ambulance took me off and they almost had to ring another for him as he was so bad!)

Sawyer64 · 25/04/2009 23:18

My DS used to walk from school,but I met him at the busy road,when he was 8.

"They" reckon that a DC cannot judge the speed of an oncoming car until they are 11/12 yrs old.

My DC didnt come home completely alone until Senior School,and then he biked

Phoenix4725 · 26/04/2009 03:57

abetadad

my dd will not be dating till shes 21 and will be sending her big brothers to on said dates

lolmoi over protective

thirtypence · 26/04/2009 05:33

Ds is 6 and is allowed to go to any house (where he knows the people obviously) in our subdivsion. The law in NZ is that you can't leave them home without an adult until they are 14. I am very unclear about whether him going to the park with a friend, or being on the tennis courts a few metres away would be similarly illegal.

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