Need help with 20 mth old aggressive behaviour.

[mummyinlove]

I have a wonderful, little boy with so many good qualities but he can be so aggressive and I don't know the best way to deal with it.

He is constantly trying to pull and scratch other childrens' faces. Sometimes it's children who have taken a toy he is playing with, which although unacceptable is understandable but often it's just children playing in the park happily and he runs over and scratches them-it's awful!

He's been like this for about a year on and off, I always say "No" and take him away but this is clearly not working. He says "No" to me and my partner as he scratches us, often not letting go of the skin he's holding on to, it hurts me so it must be terrible for a young child!

When he's not scratching he is a very loving, bright, happy child.

If anyone has any advice about what we could try or have had similar experiences we'd love to hear it!

I wanted to reply to you but I'm not sure that I can help very much because although I have had to deal with this sort of stuff, the reason for that is my children have autism and my eldest was very aggressive - well, tbh, violent is the better word. (proud mum alert - now he's the most gentle boy in the world )

I was already trained in control and restraint techniques as part of my job prior to having kids, so I used that knowledge.

When you can't reason with the person, you restrain them to prevent harm to themselves or others.

But in your case, perhaps just taking his hands firmly and moving them to his sides and holding them there while saying "no". And when you release his hands, if he goes to scratch you again, grab his hands again and move them back to his sides.

Have you noticed any triggers for his behaviour? Because if you can predict it, it is easier to intervene before it happens and either distract him or move him away.

And finally - keep those nails SOOOOOO short! trim them daily if you have to! So he is scratching with fingertips not nails!

Thank you for replying!
I do usually prevent his scratching by grabbing his hands away- I follow him like a shadow at all play groups etc, which is embarrassing in itself clambering around small children playing but obviously better than the alternative!

His Dad took him out today and wasn't quick enough and he scratched several children, so has come home furious and very embarrassed.

It just seems so sad that we have to follow him like this and wonder how we could make him understand and not want to hurt others.

Do you think I should leave him next to the child? (while holding arms)I always move him away quickly.

It's just my opinion, but I think the holding down of the arms is important, whether moved away or kept there, because it's the arms down message that needs to get through.

He's very young to try to reason with, or to expect him to remember tbh, so it's just like everything else at that age - training! repetition! Arms held down over and over and over and moved away from whatever fun thing he was doing.

At this age, it's not really so much him trying to do anything to other people, iyswim, it's more about him, his feelings, his impulses. This is the time to give him his social training.

He will learn, it just takes time.

(are you keeping his nails supershort?)