How do you react to your DC tantrums at 20 months

[yipeeforthesun]

DS who is 20 months is quite big on throwing massive tantrums at the moment which is horrible for him and us. Just not sure how to react to them as this morning he wanted to be picked up but I had my arms full of washing so couldn't and when I didn't do as he wanted he went into a full blown tantrum, screaming and crying and lying on the floor in his bedroom. I have tried to ignore him, pacify him, distract him but nothing really seems to work. What do you guys do when your DC do this?

i leave him and ignore it at that age anyway its a way of getting attention and testing boundaries if i kick and scream long enough will i get my own way

i just left him to calm himself down made sure he was out of harms way and left him to it then i would just carry on as though nothing had happened when he did come back

i would also try and stop it before it escalated so if i knew he would get the hump with me not picking him up for eg as i had my arms full i would ask him to help me then lots of praise if he did

if it didn't work i just ignored he soon learnt that it didn't get him anywhere

I would have put the washing down and cuddled him TBH. They have no idea why they get so upset and need adults to help them learn how to cope with it by doing it for them at first. It's not a way of getting attention, it's a way of saying 'help, I can't cope with my big feelings'. See if you can get hold of a copy of 'What Every Parent Needs to Know' to understand what the point of tantrums are. Also, pre-empt them as much as you can - try to stop them happening in the first place - stress hormones aren't good for small children! Don't ignore them.

I would have tried to prevent it the best I could by asking him to help me with carrying the washing (yea some help) and telling that the quicker we're done, the faster I can give him a double hug.

If he'd tentrum anyway, I would have probably ignored but promised him a big cuddle when we's ready.

A 20m old has no concept of time and can't possibly understand the things you are saying here. All he knows is that he is in distress and needs help right now.

I try really hard to divert him when I know something might cause a tantrum but on some days he can throw a tantrum about every minute and over something like me not letting him turn the tv on, or if I take something away from him that he shouldn't have. This morning he was trying to throw a china cup and when I explained that wasn't right he kicked off - it is just so tiring and dispiriting when this happens all day. Other days he can be very amenable and fine. I tried ignoring him totally once and he just got himself so worked up that it was really upsetting. He doesn't just cry and then stop and we can carry on as before.

my dd is 20months (almost) and sh tantrums, boy does she tantrum! i leav her to it, and ignore it totally, carying on with what i'm doing, ie taking washing down. After about 20-30 secs i say "are you ready for a cuddle now" its 50/50 as to whether she will sob "yes" or scream noooo" at me, and fling herself back onto flr. At which point i ignore again and then ask a bit later

I find it incedibly stressful, but I have to let her calm down a bit before i offer a cuddle, oterwise she hurts me as she is soo angry!

Ignoring didn't work for my DS. He had lots and lots of tanturms at that stage - he just couldn't handle the ferocity of his own emotions and the pace at which they changed. I tried to avoid, avoid, avoid and if that didn't work, sit nearby until it subsided then offer a cuddle. Even though I was tempted to leave the room or ignore (because it's a bit tedious after 6 tantrums a day) ignoring exacerbated them. (I just tried to imagine how furious I'd be if I were telling my DH how angry I was and he ignored me!)
Now he's 2.5 I can talk him out of them or use other techniques but at 20 months they just need support to deal with the turmoil!
Good luck and it does pass!

I find distraction helps enormously. DH is a master at it - I get my tips from him! If I see DD is about to go into one, I will do just about anything to get her to take her mind off it. I'm not always successful though. If she does go into melt down I will usually try and either cuddle her out of it or use the old distraction method again. The tantrums don't usually last that long, but God it hurts my ears/head/body when she screams!

I would have tried distracting him by getting him to carry some of the washing for me, if that didn't work then I'd have just given him a cuddle. Washing can wait, he's so young and doesn't understand that you're busy. My ds is 21 months and he seriously has no concept of time or why he needs a hug, he just needs a hug so I give him one. I find it much easier than leaving him to scream and tantrum for the sake of a cuddle. My ds always says 'duddle' when he wants a hug and I love it, I always tell him it's the one thing he can have any time.

If he was tantrumming for something else (kije earkuer when he wanted a sharp knife I was using!) then again I'd try distracting him with some other safe kitchen applience like the tongs or a whisk, if that doesn't work then I'd have to ignore him but tell him he can have a cuddle if he wants on to calm down.

I think it depends entirely on why they are tantrumming to be honest. I am a big believer that if it's something they can have, why cause a tantrum for no reason?