3yr old - is it possible to overeat?

[pickupthismess]

My DS who has just turned 3 has always been a terrible fussy eater. When we went to see a dietician (which was b*** all help) she noted he was a bit overweight and maybe could do with skipping a few meals.

My real problem is that he is hungry 24/7. It is REALLY getting me down and I was in tears last night after tea.

As fast as he has eaten one thing he says - I'm "hungy". His older brother did this to a lesser extent for a while but has always been stick thin. However, DS2 is stuffing morning until night and I can see he is 'well covered'. I catch him in our big fridge (and I do mean IN). He get so upset when I deny him food but currently he is having three bowls of cereal for breakfast then asking for toast then asking for his lunch bag - then getting hysterical when he can't have it. He is getting upset at pre-school because he wants to eat before break. When he is back at home with me he wants sandwiches, bananas, grapes etc. He doesn't however eat good meat and two veg meals (reason for original trip to dietician).

I am in despair but DH says he is probably going through a growth spurt and is just chubby.

I really need some advice.

As a dietician who studied children's eating habits, patterns, and requirements - your son does NOT by any means need 3 bowls of cereal followed by toast, much less then asking for more food.

I think reading between the lines your problem lies in that DH seems to be taking the 'give him what he wants' line...as long as he eats it. This works...up to a point, and is usually only recommended for children before they reach age 3 as all toddlers go through a fussy stage.

Is he just 3 or nearly 4? As they near reception, children should be growing out of their food phobias/fears/eccentricities and conforming more to adult patterns of eating (of course there always will be picky eaters!)

Grapes and bananas are fabulous snacks, so do keep those up, and if he's recently started preschool or upped his hours, it is very likely he's more hungry after this time.

How are his sleeping patterns? Allow your son 1 bowl of cereal and 1 slice of toast with topping for breakfast or some fruit, or all 3 if he is particularly hungry.

But if he doesn't eat his standard 'meat + two veg' or seem as though he's getting enough protein or veg into him, do not give him sandwiches or extra fruit to top him up. If he truly was hungry...he would eat the meat & veg. You do not need to worry about starving him at this age, although he WILL dig his feet in more than a typical toddler for 2 reasons: 1) You (and DH) seem to have differing views about the food he eats, and he senses this conflict, you've also in the past give him 3 bowls of cereal, so he WILL kick up a fuss for it, just expect that! And 2) He is 3, not 18 months, so his will is going to be a lot stronger.

Most children who are 'chubby' at this age will even out by about age 6, but if not, it's nothing to worry about until it starts to affect other areas, such as sleeping, concentration, mobility, and energy levels.

You sound like a good mummy - just remember that whenever you or DH thinks you're 'depriving' him of food, he doesn't need 3 bowls of cereal!

I think CC gives some very sensible advice. Have you also thought about changing (slowly!) what's available? Instead of cereal for every breakfast, could you start to introduce something new - at first alongside, then instead of? How about porridge - always v filling, and I add some pureed fruit for my dd. Or then try out scrambled eggs, again alongside the cereal.

Have you also thought about snacks that take longer to eat? Grapes just disappear whereas a cut up apple takes longer to munch through, so the hunger takes longer to reappear.

Hope it goes well!

Thank you v much for both your answers.

DS2 is very very fussy about food. I posted on MN when he was weaning (he point blank efused puree and went to finger foods direct), I posted when he was 2 because he would only eat about three things (dietician said not to worry) and he has just literally turned three. He still won't eat veg or meat for that matter. His diet is incredibly limited -cereal, bananas, grapes, cheese sandwiches (no butter and no anythign else) pasta & tomato sauce and scrambled egg is more or less it.

His sleep has always been awful too. He wakes up every night. That's another story but he's been to see everyone about that too.

He is an incredibly wilful child. He wouldn't BF either despite best efforts of BF counsellors, midwives, BF clinics - hopeless.

So his attitude to food has always been disfunctional I would say.

I am going to take your advice about not letting him have three bowls (DH feeds them at breakfast) and offer alternatives because he is genuinely starving.

Cottage I would love your professional view on what I do to improve his eating. One dietician told me to put everything in front of him again and again (has never worked). Second one said, 'no withdraw it' but this seems to have had the effect that if so much as a pea (i.e. what he doesn't like) touches his plate he pushes everything away and refuses to touch all the rest of the food. So neither approach seems to entice him to explore food.

May I ask if you had any problems when he was born? Did he feed well?

See below FB

Right. Got ya. How's he getting on other wise? Reaching all the learning milestones?

Sorry, it's been a very long day.

Know how you feel I think he is on track in everything else but I think he is boradly what you would call a character. I note he is quite complex and characterful against his peers.

How's his physical growth? everything ok there? No problems walking, muscle tone OK?

It's hard to win a battle over food as children's taste buds can be easily 'corrupted' (especially if they've sampled junk as normal food)unless you and your dh are working together and no one, under any circumstances, gives in. So, I wouldn't battle but turn it into a game.

You would need to empty the fridge of any thing of temptation and go back to the basics of what food is really all about: ie healthy, in moderation, no snacks unless fruit or veg, with healthy sweet treats as a reward only,(at this stage).

Taking away the battle is half of it. Not making it an issue is important. Letting him grow veg or play with new fruit, mash it with a spoon etc, try and get his confidence back.

Never force a child to eat, and don't stand over him watching, but join in and eat with him, my ds likes calling raw cauliflower white trees. Try to make it a fun experience!

If he refuses something, say ok then, and take it away. Keep calm and don't worry that he will starve. He won't. But you need to destress the whole experience.

Have you done much playing with food or cooking with him? Lots of children of his age will get very excited at the chance to 'help' make their own supper. You could try some wraps, homemade pizza, baking a cake (carrot?!), or having a food fight in the garden (worked for a few families we studied!). Texture bowls are nice as well, if it's the texture that's bothering him - put lots of different veggies in different bowls, ask him what's different, what's the same, what they feel like.

You say he likes pasta & sauce - you can hide lots and lots of things in sauce, puree it as finely as you need so he doesn't notice, and you can sneak in a few smaller portions of the veg first.

Scrambled egg is the same - puree some courgette or avocado in and then read Green Eggs & Ham . He sounds as though he likes savoury foods, cheese is very healthy, have you tried some cheesy mashed potato or cheesy sweet potato? Cheesy leeks? Cheese sauce can cover most veg pretty well, and let him help put the cheese in so that he actually knows it's real cheese.

I agree with others that it's about the attitude you have toward it all as well, be as nonchalant as possible, and introduce a sticker chart if he's a kid that responds well to stickers. Give him a sticker for even one bite of something he doesn't normally eat and make a big fuss of it. Tell him he just grew a muscle!

Does he like peanut butter? Tofu? Hoummous? Bacon? Sausages? Ham? Chicken fingers? Fishcakes? Tuna mayonnaise? Bolognaise? All of these are good protein-rich foods that most kids will choose at least one of to make part of their 'staple diet'. It's great he eats eggs.

I disagree with the dietician that suggested you skip meals - that's not healthy for his age, and while overating isn't either, it's better for him in the long run.

Pickup - go now and get a copy of Sear's book 'The fussy baby book' (sorry, that's a bit bossy, but it's how I feel!). It's a great book for children or babies who are fussy/ sensitive/ challenging/ opinionated/ a character anything else you can think of!
I think it will help you to understand your ds better, as there are so many areas that are discussed in the book that lots of us need help with, including food issues and sleep.

[or tell me to go away and shut up!]

I agree with cottage chicken and I would also keep an eye on the time he's fed so that you know roughly how really hungry he is.

I would be wary of the dietician's advice too because you need to take the focus away from food rather than concentrate/stress more about it.

Also keep a log book which you both can share recording what and how much he's eaten so that you can ensure he's getting as balanced a diet as possible. (For your own piece of mind.)

You say he's not sleeping well either. I think they're connected. Tire him out with lots of outdoor physical activities every day and you'll soon see an interest in food resume! As well as better sleep patterns.

Good luck!