I don't know where to post this, nearly put it under the special needs topic.
My 3.8 month old son has no developmental problems that we know of. When he started nursery in September (a week after his 3rd birthday) he settled in quickly. I regularly asked his key worker and others about his progress and behaviour and they said he was fine. I was very proactive because my oldest son was hard to handle at this age. I was repeatedly told his behviour was normal for his age (no big hitting/biting/attention problem etc.) He wasn't keen on sitting and drawing (but then he was very young) and he was very lively, but he did focus on construction activities and imaginative play.
For practical reasons we changed nurseries in January. Again my son settled in happily, but I am getting increasingly unhappy with the nursery's attitude to my son.
On the first day, I gave his new key worker a run down of his old nursery's report - 'lively but normal'. I suggested she might like to contact his old keyworker. I got the distinct impression that this wouldn't be happening and the more I talked to the new keyworker (also the head of the nursery) the more I didn't like her. Couldn't put my finger on why.
Just 10 days into term she told me she wanted an SEN advisor to see my son. I asked why? how could they have come to this conclusion after less than two weeks? There had been no incidents, apart from my son being involved in a small snowball fight. She said that they found him difficult to control - although he would sit at some activities, he also ran around a lot and didn't respond quickly when they asked him not to climb on things. She assured me he was not the only one - two or three other children in the class of 16 would also be seeing the SEN advisor. I was not happy, firsty about her under two week assessment of my son, and secondly about her zero interest in referring back to his old nursery. I felt she had an agenda and was not asking my permission about him seeing the SEN advisor, but telling me this would be happening or else. Anyway, I swallowed my misgivings and went along with it for the sake of my son.
A few weeks later my son had his three and a half year assessment at our GPs. He passed all the tests but unfortunately threw an unusually big tantrum at the end of the session, while I was chatting to the Health visitor. I duly reported all this to the nursery as they had requested.
I had another meeting with the keyworker and she suggested my son had a hearing problem, that he had poor eye contact, he was clumsy - could I arrange a hearing test and also could he have a second three and a half year check up this time conducted at home? I phoned my gp. The nursery workers kept asking me if I had dates for these appointments, then asked if I could phone again, mentioning the nursery's concerns to make it a matter of urgency. The appointments were duly set up.
A health visitor who knows my son well came to visit us, did the 3.5 test again - my son passed it - and then spent an hour and a half observing my son and I together while talking over possible problems. He said my son's eye contact and motor skills were fine and agreed with the old nursery's verdict - he was lively but normal. My son's hearing test was fine too and the audiologists who saw him did not think he had a major behaviour problem. Like lots of little children he heard what he wanted to hear.
My HV had also explained that my son's new nursery may be seeking extra funding for staff and this is why they will want to get likely children in front of an SEN advisor. It strengthens their case. But the end result is good for all - higher staff levels benenfit all the children.
I reported the results back to the nursery and gave them permission to contact my HV if they wanted to discuss things directly. But I also wanted to be kept fully informed. I asked the staff if they still thought my son's behaviour was beyond normal and the answer was yes.
We decided it would be good if I stayed with my son in the nursery for an hour or so a few days a week to observe him. I did this and IMO he was one of four or five lively boys. He did run around but also happily focussed on some of the play activities (surely few 3.8 year olds focus on all of them?) and he was pretty good at sharing his toys and cooperating. He certainly got on well with the other children. When another boy repeatedly tried to steal some plasticine balls he had made he told an adult, rather than shoving him away. He lined up when he was asked to and put up his hand to answer questions - some of the time. Of couse it's difficult to know what he is like when I am not there, but I have been told he will sit and be obedient as I witnessed, but just not all the time.
A week or so later my HV phoned to tell me he was cancelling an appointment to come in to observe my son at nursery and would rebook in May. I told him I knew nothing about this and he was surprised.
I was very shocked and angry that the nursery had gone behind my back when I had been so open with them. I had been in the nursery so much that there had been ample opportunity to tell me. When I collected my son that day I told the key worker about the cancelled appointment and asked her to tell me if they had any dealings with OUR health visitior - just as I'd asked. She knew I was angry.
That's the background here here are the issues I'd like opinions on ( please )
I feel my own perception of my son is at odds with the nursery's perception. I do not feel my son's behavour is beyond normal and am worried he is getting singled out even if it is for the greater good of the nursery ie increasing staff levels. Should I go along with the nursery's view?
I'd be interested to hear from those who have special needs children (behaviour issues). I get the impression that usually it's the parent who feels their child has special needs and it's the nursery /school etc who are slow to accept this. I seem to have the opposite problem. Do you think I should trust my own judgement?
Just to complicate things further, I have always thought my youngest son is easier and better behaved than my oldest son was at 3/4 years. I definitely do not feel so stressed looking after him. My dh, on the other hand, disagrees with me and says my oldest son was an easier child.
Help!