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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help me - DS keeps pushing me over the edge!

11 replies

curlygal · 20/04/2009 22:47

DS is almost four and seems to be experiencing a resurgance of the "terrible twos", I thought that his trantrums had finally got better but the last 24 hours have been hellish. Culminating in my sitting in the garden with him in the house screaming, as he had been for almost two hours solidly.

I am a single parent and do spend a lot of time with DS. He is at nursery while I work part time and generally behaves well at nursery. Recently I think that he has been over tired as he is not napping in the afternoons so much anymore.

The tantrums are so full on that he is hysterical - I try everything distraction, comfort, ignoring, threats and bribes and nothing works - he can keep going for hours. Fortunately he appears to have grown out of the weeing and puking part but the incessant screaming is hard to take.

I feel that I am a crap mother as I cannot deal with my own child's tantrum so any advice on coping stragegies (for me and him would be appreciated!

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blinks · 20/04/2009 23:40

what kind of things trigger the tantrums?

kidowner · 21/04/2009 00:01

Doesn't seem quite right. Why is he hysterical? Try and write down times, triggers (if any) and your responses. What is he getting to eat? I wouldn't expect him to have naps during the day, but does he get a full night's sleep? Does he give you eye contact? Does he speak well? What does he like to do?

You should not be suffering like this, nor should he. Mapping out what you do and when may give you some perspective. Does he get outside to play alot? Many little boys need plenty of fresh air, and outdoor stimulation and behaviour can improve when they are truly physically tired as opposed to being tired from being cooped up inside all day.

Good luck

FrancyMgo · 21/04/2009 03:12

Don't lose hope as it will work out. Can you hold him comfort him when he starts to reassure him that whatever it is it's ok, sometime (so I've heard) confusion in communication and change leads to fear and anger. Stay calm with him and always kkeep a gentle tone if you can, he might start to realist he doesn't need to scream at you. I would agree with deffo keeping a note of what's kicks off his moods or is it a certain time? Maybe try distraction, make a new routine..but you are NOT a crap parent! Parenting (being a mum in partic) is the hardest job in the world and the very fact that you're concerned about it shows that you're a good mum!

LoveBeingAMummy · 21/04/2009 06:58

You poor thing there's nothing like a screaming kid to make you feel like you want the ground to open up and take you away from it all!!!!!!

Your not crap, its just that this is where a partner should give you support and your having to deal with it on your own. Do you have anyone in RL to talk to?

Original poster

curlygal · 22/04/2009 17:36

Thanks everyone

The only thing that I can think of as a trigger is tiredness. He has been the same today again.

This morning he had a tantrum as his jacket matched his trousers. He was a bit grumpy all morning but it really kicked off when I tried to get him to leave the house. HE just stood and screamed "I DON'T WANT TO MATCH"

THen he was like that again this afternoon when he woke up from his nap (we had gone to story time at the library only for him to fall asleep!). He was screaming again, this time it was becasue I was outside and he didn;t want to be outside so he just screamed about it. He did eventually calm down this afternoon - I walked away and said I would come back only if he stopped crying. He'd managed to get a chair and get into a kitchen cupboard and get a dummy which I think is what did it not my technique. He knows that he is only allowed dummies at night time (that is a whole other sleepless story...)

He does get outside to run around a lot (ie for an hour or so each day). HE eats normal toddler stuff pasta, pasta and more pasta. If anything he has probably had more chocolate recently than normal - could that affect his behaviour so dramatically?

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kidowner · 22/04/2009 18:30

yes, many children can get a 'sugar rush', it's not good for children unless in small amounts as an occasional reward for good behaviour. My ds gets positively 'high' after eating party food which is why he only gets junk food when he goes to parties!

If you limit chocs (no more than a few choc drops, a whole bar would be way too much) for when he's behaving nicely (never on demand) thereby reinforcing positive beaviour and ignore the bad, he may well prefer to behave!

Original poster

curlygal · 22/04/2009 18:33

hmmmmm interesting. He has the occassional small amount normally eg small bag of chocolate buttons or animal biscuits but got a lot of choc for easter which I have been doling out more generously than I would normally be.

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Supercherry · 22/04/2009 18:50

My nephew's behaviour deteriorated shortly after turning 4, it was abit like regressing to toddlerhood all over again. Apparently, little boys have a testosterone surge at this age which can cause upset/anger in them. I don't know that much about it as my DS is only 14mths but hopefully someone will come along with more knowledge.

I would just try and ignore the naughty behaviour/tantruming as much as possible, which I know is easier said than done. Give him lots of attention when he is behaving nicely, keep him busy and occupied with games, jigsaws, cooking, lots of fresh air and anything he likes doing.

Good luck.

Original poster

curlygal · 22/04/2009 19:18

So it could be testosterone or chocolate to blame ? Oh dear.

Actually it does seem a bit hormonal!

I do praise him a lot when he's well behaved and I say "isn;t it much nicer playing like this than screaming" or "aren;t we having a fun time now you are behaving" but the tantrums seem out of his control.

Have just been having such a crap time lately don;t have the energy to deal with this on top of everything else!

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Supercherry · 22/04/2009 19:30

Poor you- but remember, it's just a phase- he will be back to his normal, lovely self before you know it.

Do you get much help? Is he at pre-school? If so use that time to do something nice and relaxing yourself

Original poster

curlygal · 23/04/2009 10:01

I think I may have found the reason, DS had a huge puke last night and is continuing to puke for Scotland today, so looks like he has a nasty bug, perhaps that is the reason he has been such hard work this week.

Do far today he's been v subdued so let's hope he stays that way as I cannot cope with puke and tantrums at once!

I don;t get much help, but he is at nursery so I think of being at work as having a break

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