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Behaviour/development

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violent child at one o'clock club - WWYD?

11 replies

BocciBalls · 20/04/2009 17:09

just been to local, lovely one o'clock club with ds (23 mo). everyone there having a great time until they came into contact with one boy probably about 3 yo who was horrendous. he snatched the toy my ds was playing with away and when I suggested they share and tried gently to move it back to the middle of the table he hit me in the face, then pushed my ds in the face and tried to do so again even as I was intervening. his mother nowhere near but then came over, snatched the dummy from his mouth and told him if he hit again they would leave .

later violent boy came up to my ds and snatched a toy out of his hand. ds did nothing in response and was then shoved to the ground. his mother was not supervising but did see this and took the boy away, behind the building and I suspect smacked him. was not very apologetic. I was fuming and tried to be sympathetic whilst stating that I didn't think this was acceptable behaviour.

still later I see violent boy run up to a ride-in car, trying to hold it in place, then open the door, try to drag out the occupant and when that failed hit this child twice in the face despite the victim's mother telling him not to. it transpired that he had also pushed another girl off the top of a climbing frame.

child clearly has some problems, very aggressive, poor speech and mother who just didn't want to watch him, let alone play or interact with him, or instil discipline i na consistent manner (ffs she said they'd leave if he hit again after the first time with ds).

BUT he was making life miserable for everyone else. I have no idea if it's possible to get someone banned from a place like this and I know that sounds rather heavy-handed. also if they can't come to somewhere like this chances are the mother doesn't get a break, the child doesn't let off energy and the cycle continues. but then why should everyone else suffer because of one really shockingly behaved child?

WWYD?

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EldonAve · 20/04/2009 17:39

If he's there every time you go and behaves the same then speak to one of the playworkers

LIZS · 20/04/2009 17:46

I think it is a bit harsh to call him violent, as that implies some degree fo premediatation. 3yr olds can be very different animals to a under 2 and seem much more threatening. However if he is often rough and aggressive then clearly there is something awry. Maybe his mother comes for a breather but that doesn't make it acceptable that he continues to behave like this unchecked as it isn't fair on others.

Have a quiet word with one of the supervisors, maybe the mother could use some help with appropriate discipline or perhaps he has a behavioural issue, none of which you are privy to but they may be able to intervene and support.

screamingabdab · 20/04/2009 18:03

I echo what the others say. I think you've identified that there are problems which the staff need to address with his mum. If it's anything like my local one o'clock club, then they may have links with other services, such as SureStart.

You have my sympathy - it's so hard to see your DS being hurt, but I also feel very for the "violent" boy.

jellybeans · 20/04/2009 18:09

I sympathise, there always seems to be a kid like this at groups. One I went to had a boy who bit and a girl who pinched little babies. Parents never did much, usually acted like they hadn't seen.

PSCMUM · 20/04/2009 18:16

its so hard - i feel so so protective of mine, really would tell off another child without thinking twice. but yes, i too feel really sorry for that kid, and awfully, he is probabyl excatly the kind of kid who most needs the resources of a one o clock club so that he can play with other kids and learn how to interact properly.

Ripeberry · 20/04/2009 18:22

Sounds like a child we had at pre-school but who was older 4yrs and he would be nasty to everyone, even the leader and assistants.
Senco came about another child one day and saw how he was and she could not believe it.
His mum just said he was boisterous and all boys are like that.
Basically did not believe there was a problem .
She took him away from our setting just because we dare to suggest it.

BocciBalls · 20/04/2009 18:26

i did think that "violent" might be overstating it, but seriously the kid couldn't play with anything without first having to punch, hit, kick or drag someone else, and he was very strong (which was what his mother said to me as a sort of shrug-it-off excuse). if his mother was with him he was much better but she just couldn't be arsed to supervise most of the time. my ds is not so hot on sharing and I stand by at all times to help him get to grips with it rather than let him get into grabbing and shoving matches.

I also feel very for the child because if he's like this now I wonder what the rest of his life could possibly hold.

will see if it is a problem next time we go. thanks for the advice on speaking to play workers about joined-up services.

OP posts:
thefortbuilder · 20/04/2009 18:28

i would have a quiet word with one od the playworkers there - as someone else said 3yr olds (and near 3yr olds) can be very different and just a lot more physical than just under 2's - ds1 was a quiet gentle little boy at 23m who wanted to play quietly, read books etc - now at 2.8 he is a boisterous thing who plays "tackle" at every opportunity, and can be quite rough.

i doubt there is anything premeditated in his actions though

BocciBalls · 20/04/2009 18:35

just to say we're definitely talking aggressive here rather than simply rough. this was full on, hit you hard in the face, shoving not pushing, shouting aggression.

plenty of boys there today running around tackling, wrestling etc and being boisterous in a "nice" way and there was nothing nice about this child's behaviour (or his mother's )

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Peachy · 20/04/2009 18:43

Sounds comlpex

FWIW be aware that whilst it may be that Mum is aggressive etc etc etc (and surestart involvement etc) the other reason (frome xperience) could be that kid has as yet unpicked up SN and Mum is simply and p[lainly all exhausted and worn down.

Absolutely talk about joined up services, completely right thing to do, just be aware

screamingabdab · 20/04/2009 19:25

BocciBalls just to add, what you are describing here does sound unusual for a 3 year old.

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