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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How worried would you be about a 7yo who bites other children?

22 replies

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 11:18

not my 7yo, I hasten to add..

DS was bitten by one of his classmates at a party over the holidays. No mark, no long-term consequences, but my DM had me thinking as she said that when she ran a playgroup (granted, this was 20 years ago) they were told to report persistent biting as it was seen as a sign of possible abuse.

Now IMHO most children bite once or twice as toddlers - but I know this child has bitten others at school, and hes 7, FFS.

How worried would you be? Enough to report it (to someone other than the child's mother - DS did that at the time, and she doesn't really care)? I am dithering....

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 20/04/2009 11:20

it is not usual at that age is it
however as it happened out of school would the school even be interested?
are the school sympathetic, perhaps you can explain that you realise they might not be interested but thought they should know??

i think it is taken quite seriously by health professionals?

southeastastra · 20/04/2009 11:22

my ds(7) has been known to bite, not abusing him though

ingles2 · 20/04/2009 11:24

It's unusual to still be a persistant biter at 7 I think. I've never heard of it.
Does this ds have any SN you know of?
Is there a chance he may have some SN that you don't know of, but school do?

stillenacht · 20/04/2009 11:26

I would imagine although am not expert (but do have son with SN) that the child must have some SN to bite at this age.

SlartyBartFast · 20/04/2009 11:26

but how much is persistent i wonder?
perhaps it just gets a reaction..

ingles2 · 20/04/2009 11:26

persistent

Gorionine · 20/04/2009 11:27

I think most children do stop biting when they are toddler, a bit unusual at 7yo. Maybe tell the school but if you are aware tht other children have been bitten by him in school, the school probably kmows already.

Amapoleon · 20/04/2009 11:27

I would think it is unusual at 7 to still be biting. I would talk to the mother or teacher.

I wouldn't jump to abuse but I would think that the child probably has some sort of special needs.

southeastastra · 20/04/2009 11:29

actually being a bit unfair to him as he hasn't bitten for ages. some children just do it from frustration without thinking of the consequences.

ingles2 · 20/04/2009 11:30

Thinking about it I do know of 1 ds who bit regularly but he had quite severe SN's.
He is at a special school now so haven't seen him in a while. He was probably about 8 then.
I would mention it to the school in a non accusatory/judgemental way, it may help them build up some sort of profile, then forget it.

SlartyBartFast · 20/04/2009 11:30

i did it at that age

however no harm in mentioning it to the school.

mrsruffallo · 20/04/2009 11:32

I think 7 is old enough to know it's wrong and to control the impulse to bite, so yes, I would mention it

lljkk · 20/04/2009 11:36

I once bit someone when I was 8yo; the boy wouldn't stop teasing me and I was fed up with it.
But it wasn't a repeat problem, I don't remember ever biting anyone since.
I guess I'd be pretty perturbed about a persistent biter that age -- I'd feel interfering if I mentioned it to the school, though (so I would not mention it to them).

Original poster

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 12:00

School knows - that is not the 'someone' I was thinking of - I agree absolutely that given that it happened out of school they would not be interested.

Without wanting to go into too much detail, it is an independent school and IMH(non-professional)O, if the child in question were in the state sector Social Services would have been involved long before now (not just because of biting). So, I am trying to square with my conscience whether it is "OK" to turn a blind eye just because the school do?

I am not charging in in defence of my DS - DS is fine, handled the whole thing incredibly well, and has long since forgotten about it. It is the biter I am worried about.

OP posts:

Original poster

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 12:03

And FWIW I agree that the child probably does have some form of SN - but I know (small school, active grapevine) that he is not getting any specific 'help' so I would assume/guess that it is undiagnosed and, without wanting to sound too judgemental, could be largely down to (lack of) parenting.

OP posts:

ICANDOTHAT · 20/04/2009 12:21

I think if it happened outside the school, there is no need to talk to them about it. I would talk directly to the parents, it's their concern/responsibility. It's a bit unfair on the poor lad to bring his teachers into the equation.

Original poster

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 12:28

I was not planning to talk to the school.

His parents don't care (well, when DS demanded it his mother did make him apologise, but she clearly didn't see it as a big deal)

OP posts:

lljkk · 20/04/2009 16:14

I understand u now squiggle -- tricky situ. I'm still minded to think sticky beak out, though.

lljkk · 20/04/2009 16:14

Unless you think active abuse or neglect is involved?

Original poster

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 16:19

active abuse - no, I don't think so.
neglect - materially no, otherwise quite possibly.

I am also inclined to keep sticky beak out, however I feel for this child and his younger sibling (who I have also witnessed biting without provocation) - I just wanted to check general opinion.

OP posts:

lljkk · 20/04/2009 16:23

not apologising for her son is weird.
My parents were mortified when I bit somebody.

Original poster

stealthsquiggle · 20/04/2009 16:27

Yes, that was what 'got' me as well. TBH, she is scary and I had no desire to cause a scene at someone else's party, so I was prepared to duck the issue and (very shamfacedly) told DS that although it was entirely unacceptable I didn't think there was much we could do - he said "I could tell X's Mum" which I agreed he certainly could - so he marched up, told her, she summoned her DS and made him say sorry but it was overall the sort of reaction (or actually less than the reaction) I would have had if DS had thumped someone - she clearly didn't see it as a big deal.

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