I'm really upset - she prefers her dad to me!

[TheScatterGunApproach]

My one year old only wants her Daddy, I am so upset about it.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I see it happening all the time with little girls and their Dads. One 5 year old girl at our DSs school insists on being physically carried into school in the morning by her Dad. She plays him up something rotten and has him round her little finger but with her Mum she is very sensible, totally grown up and walks in without any fuss.

Is your DDs Dad out all day and you SAHM? If so, is it just a case of Daddy is special because he is not there that much?

Don't worry about it. She loves you too.

sounds about right - how lucky you are - get dp/dh to spend some more time with them whilst you feck off and have a bath

Thank you so much for replying!

I do work only part time and we make a fuss of Daddy! But I was so, so upset when he left for work this morning, she only wanted him and wouldnt even look at me!

bump!

She doesn't prefer him. Honestly don't think like that. Is he out at work more than you? Are you the main carer? That can make a huge difference - ie you're the well loved teddy who's always about, he's the shiny new doll. (Does that make any sense?!)

Thanks SMee!

Yes, he is at work full time, I am only part time.

I know I am over reacting, it just upset me so much whn he left for work, she didnt want me hugging her, she just cried and looked at the front door.

Well that's your answer then. I had lots and lots of this too, as DH is away working most of the week. You have to remember that they don't understand time or structure at that age, so it must be quite hard for her not knowing when he's going to be around or how long for. Be warned though, as it continues - especially if when he's around he does lots of playing and treats to make up for not having much time with her. Watch he doesn't play into that or she'll end up the little girl in ABetaDad's post. My lovely neice is like that with my brother and it's really sad and annoying to see.

Good point!

I have always been able to comfort her, I just found it so incredibly painful suddenly being pushed away.

Suppose it can only get worse when she's 15..!!

She only pushes you away because you're always there. Honestly she loves you so much, just doesn't need to show it all the time as you're her constant. It's because you're doing such a good job - think of it like that.

Thank you, you are very kind!!

I know I'm over-reacting and feel a bit foolish, I just found it quite a shock.

You're not over reacting. I wish I'd posted when I was where you are and got a bit of reassurance. So easy to see with hindsight.

Isn't it a blessed relief?

It is likely because you are there for her more she is secure in your relationship. She KNOWS however bad, misbehaved, miserable, whatever she does, you'll always be there for her. You are a safe outlet for her frustrations too.

It's possible that her relationship with her dad is a bit more fragile. She might feel she needs to demonstrate her love for him more because she doesn't understand why he leaves her in the morning.

I think it was a shock partly because of how much it upset me.

The last thing in the world I want is to be a needy mother!

This happened to me when ds was about 18 months old. It broke my heart. It was just not how I envisaged things being and I was ashamed that anyone else would see this and think that my child did not love me!

It was what started me posting here and I found out that it is a lot more common than I ever thought.

The main thing that people told me is that it is a phase and it will pass. Well, it took a while but it did. I can say hand on heart that my ds does not prefer his dad to me and is the most loving child.

The advice I was given was not to show that it hurts - to keep on offering your child unconditional love and to let them know that you are there when they want you. One day, without you even realising it, she will want you and not her daddy.

Thank you so much Goosey for your post.

I find it heartbreaking too but feel a bit ridiculous because she is really not much more than a baby!

I just feel I must be doing something wrong because 'they' say babies always want their mothers over anyone else.

Then I think 'is it because I am the strict one?' Eg my zero tolerance policy towards standing up in the bath(?!) Or is DH just more...likeable..??

My 14mth old DS is similar. DP works 12hr days so when he gets in from work DS gets really excited and follows him around everywhere. After 12hrs looking after a toddler I can only say it is lovely. I sit back and watch DP and DS in amusement. DP cannot eat his dinner in peace so I think it's great that he gets a taste of my day.

DS went through a very clingy phase with me at about 11mths and I know which I prefer

Children unconditionally love both their parents, love really has nothing to do with it.

I wondered if it was partly because I was the one who mostly told ds off too. As a result, I would sometimes ask dh to tell ds off when he was at home. I also wondered if dh was more "likeable" and found that thought terrible - I thought I would have such a strong bond with my child.

I don't think it is possible to pin it down to anything and I think if you don't force the issue and just carry on being there it will gradually get better.

Last night ds (now 5) came downstairs after dh had gone out for a run. I asked him why and he said that he had wanted to tell me how much he loved me and just to hug me. He and I then talked about how when he grew up he could buy the house next door and he would make a door through which he would never want to lock.

That is really lovely Goosey!

I know I just need to relax and not make it into an issue.

My 3 year old DD is exactly like this. She utterly adores her Daddy and if we are both around she only wants him, hugs him, kisses him and actually tells me to go away!she is totally normal with me if he is not there. At times it really really upseta me but have been telling myself is normal - as shown here! So thanks for the post!

Good to know I am not the only one!!

My DS who is nearly 3 is just the same, it's "Daddy daddy daddy" ALL the time. But when DH is not around he is fine, as soon as he's at home I might as well disappear. But like another poster said, I enjoy the free time it gives me!

Having said that it does get to me sometimes and I feel a bit upset, but then sometimes DS comes up and kisses me out of the blue and I am on cloud 9!

"It's a phase and it will pass," you need to learn that off by heart!

It seems to be getting worse.

Last night she only wanted a hug from Daddy and cried when he put his arm around me too!

When I picked her up she fought to be put down and then ran to DH.

I just don't know what I've done wrong.

It started when she went to nursery, he does drop off and pick up and I think she has become more clingy with him in consequence.

It is excruciating to feel like my baby doesn't want me

Stop it ScatterGun. Honestly, you really, really have to stop taking it personally. It's a phase and it's normal and she'll move though it to something else that you'll worry about. It'll switch soon, I promise.