We just moved abroad - DD1 started new school but very tearful in the mornings everyday. I don't know how to help her!

[greenday]

We moved about one-half months ago and DD1 (in reception) has been in her new school for about a month now.

I know its early days and she is still in the process of settling in. But she cries very hard every morning and struggles out of the door, and its heartbreaking to see her that way. In her previous school back home, she would skip and hop to her class and I would have to pull her back so I could have my goodbye hugs.

Having said that, she stops crying about 5-10mins later and thoroughly enjoys her day in school. And when I pick her up from school, she is all smiles and joy again.

We speak to the teachers regularly and they know our concern. At the same time, she is absolutely fine again throughout the day so the teachers can't really help that way. In terms of arranging playdates to encourage friendship, etc ... it's not really the norm here and also, DD1 gets along well with her classmates and doesn't seem to have anxiety about that.

I'm starting to wonder if there is any thing I help her with, directly, from me to her, if that makes sense.

Are there any tips to help her in the morning? Incentives or comfort to give to her? Something I can say to her to help her see beyond the morning? Has anyone had experiences like that and success stories. I would love to know what you did ... I just want to try anything now.

I would be grateful for any tips, thanks!!!

Its sounds good that she is enjoying school when she gets there, so the tears are just because she is sad to leave you. Could you give her something of yours (like a special hanky/keyring etc) so that if she misses you when she is at school, she can take it out/look at it, and know that you are thinking about her. Good luck!

Where have you moved to, can you say?

It is heartbreaking when they're so sad and tearful about going somewhere, and I'm sure it makes you feel so sad for her and shit having to make her go when she's crying. However, given what you've said about the rest of the time - after 5 - 10 minuted she's happy, she thoroughly enjoys her day, she's smiling when you collect her etc, I'd be inclined to be a bit tougher and matter or fact, rather than warm and sensitive and comforting iyswim.

Not mean or angry just calm cool and practical.

A bright but firm lets get ready, a cheerful 'stop crying' lots of praise when she does stop, praise when you collect her, telling her how proud you are of what a big girl she's being, and maybe a bribe reward for being brave. I'd also keep mornings as quick as you can make them, up fed dressed out and to school as quick as possible so she just has to get on with it.

Thank you for your tips! They are very useful ... I'm right now having a 'why-didn't-I-think-of-that' moment!!

I've moved to Bangkok. It's not the most child-friendly of cities in terms of commuting - no pavements, manic traffic, and not many lifts or escalators in the train stations which makes travelling with a buggy very inconvenient.

The school starts very early (7.45am) and so it's more practical for DH to take DD to school on the way to his work. I've got a younger DS (1+ yrs) and back in UK, DS and I would take DD to school.

My DH thinks we need to be tougher too, so it's assuring to have that as advice. And I will definitely give her something of mine to have before she leaves. Why didn't I think of that??

Not sure about being tougher. I agree with matter of fact and not too indulgent, as that can perpetuate a problem until it's a habit. Still I reckon you do have to acknowledge how she's feeling. After all she's only little and you've all had massive changes with the move and everything. Two ideas - if she finds it hard leaving you, then give DH a treat for her to have on the walk to school. Maybe a small tub of nice fruit (raspberries do it for us!). Or we always promised a story on the way - a made up one, but our son loves that and it helps get him out from in. Also, if she's brave and can say goodbye/ or try to say goodbye without crying she gets a sticker to stick on a chart you make at home. Give her a real incentive, so if she gets through the week and a sticker each day, you all do a big treat or she gets a new toy. Get her to help you make it and excited about it - makes a huge difference we've found.