Concerns regarding incidences between my neice and my ds2

[sail73]

My neice is 3.5 almost exactly the same age as my ds1. I often see her, her sister, my brother and sometimes sil on a saturday at my parents.

Anyway my neice is an inteligent, talkative little girl who plays lovely with my ds1. However I have also found quite a few times lately that she will make out that she is holding my ds2s hand aged 17 months when she will suddenly start to pinch him hard or twist his wrist or a kiss will become a bite or a cuddle a strangle etc. She has a sister that is 3 days older than ds2 that she is similar with. This I can sort of understand because of jealousy reasons but why my ds2? She is normally a delightful child!

Also if I tell her off for this she ignores me completely and I have often had to literally yank ds2s hand away from her which sometimes makes things worse as she often continues to hold on. She will only listen to her daddy who isn't always in the same room for instance may be talking to my dad in another room etc.

Have had unpleasant incidences between ds1 and 2 but always when ds1 is unhappy/tantruming or tired etc not when he is other wise happy iyswim. Unsure how to deal with tbh!

The only thing that stands out to me does she go to nursery or around other children?

I have known children to behave like this when they are being bullied and they are acting out happenings...

my own DD was at a childminders and a new child had taken to twisting her cheek so hard she bled!

SHe had been removed from nursery for excessive biting and she herself was being abused

not saying she is but something to look into?

No she doesn't go to nursery or anywhere outside the home at the moment. She also doesn't behave like this to ds1.

It sounds like jealousy - babies get lots of attention and she doesn't like it - her new sibling and your ds2 are the same age so she sees them both as lovely but also a bit of a threat? I wouldn't be too concerned just careful about leaving her alone with him.

Sounds like jealousy to me too. Very hard for them at that age and though it's tricky to like a child who's torturing your own, I think it's normal at 3. I'd say you have to get all the adults to see the problem and until she's through the phase make sure she isn't alone with your lo. I'd also say don't make a massive 'you are bad!' deal out of it, as that could make it worse. Definitely remove her when she does it, but don't go ott iyswim. Make sure all adults approach it the same way and give her masses of praise and attention too. She'll move on quickly if you can handle it right.