How do you cope with a really whingey child?

[desperatelyseekingsleep]

I desperately need ways of coping with DS2. He's #lways been really whingey, from about 6 months old when he started teething. He's nearly 2 now and is not showing any signs of being less highly strung, clingy or whingey. He cries over the smallest thing and is always really on edge when he's just woken from his sleep as well as other times. I feel like I'm treading on egg shells the whole time trying to keep him happy and stop the constant crying. Anybody else had experience of this - will it ever get better, and how did you cope?

How's his diet? Mine used to cry when he woke, and a lovely woman on the bus one day told me to give him some raisins as his blood sugar had dipped, and also to give small amounts of food regularly rather than to stick to three meals a day. Made quite a difference for us.

• is he manipulatively whinging (ie to get his way), or is he genuinely upset? Could be a habit that he just defaults to if the former? What do you think?

i have a DS like this, same age too. I have lost count how many times I say during the day 'what's wrong with you?' which is actually not the way to handle it at all

I suppose on my good days I'm patient with him and use distraction (going out a walk, some fresh air or visit a relative or friend). occasional treats sometimes do the trick.

It is a strain if it's constant, I sometimes feel like escaping the house when my DS is like that, all whingeyness. But there's usually a reason for it, just don't always figure it out

Hope things improve for you soon. Sorry my advice has been pretty minimal.

I was talking with a few friends about our whingey children, they were all 2nd children and we wondered if it was an attention seeking thing. i.e. any attention is better than none even if it's being shouted at for whinging.

Our dc were all around 3.5 to 4 and had been like it since birth and there were 5 of us discussing it. DC1 and subsequent dc didn't seem to follow the whinging pattern for some reason.

Sorry no help there - probably made it worse to suggest that my nearly 4 year old is still as bad!

DS1 was really whingey.

It took ages to make he stop but what we did was try and ignore him when he whinged and then distract then ask him if he wanted something and give it to him!

I think they try out what gets attention/what they want. and if it works the do it again.

When he got older (about 2.5) we got him to ask nicely for htings before he got them and now at 3.5 he rarely whinges and is very polite!

As ahfeckit says distraction is key.

desperately, I understand your use of the term 'walking on eggshells'. That sums up my life with dd 5.7 and ds 2.7, when they were younger.

I saw real improvement with dd, once she turned 3. At 5, she is still moany, but as they get older, you have more tools at your disposal, like reasoning, humour (if you have the energy for that), peer pressure.

The knee-jerk crying after waking from sleep will definitely go away, probably quite soon. From your name, is your ds2 a bad sleeper?

Ds is still quite whingey at 2.7 and frequently kicks off, but he is much better now. It is worse when he is under the weather, eg like teething or illness.

If it gets too much, I tell him that if he wants to tantrum, he can go to a spot on the carpet and flail and scream as much as he wants. But I will go off and do my own thing. It might not work to calm the demons, but at least you can get stuff done. Sometimes, nothing you do will make him happy and he just needs to let off steam. Then, when he is ready to come back to me, he is happy as a clam.

How do I cope? Nursery. Both dcs were much less clingy and more independent at nursery. I think they are both quite sociable, hence the turning to you to tell you that the world is not right or they don't feel right - translates into whingeyness.

Nursery was great because there is a lot of activity and friends and they forget to fuss. They actually played by themselves there. Unheard of for them to do at home, at age 2 at least.

It will get easier, promise.

i think food? mine get wingey/teary etc when hungry

the only kids i know who are a bit wingey are really skinny little things.

dont mean to upset - just my opinion

Mine have "whingy" phases.Usually works if they are over 12 mths at least to say "Talk normally,Mummy can't understand you"

and then later when they are bigger,"I'm not going to listen to you until you talk normally".

Worked with mine,as they want to be listened to and some action to follow,if they don't get it,they have quickly learnt how to get it,by not whinging".

Usually just a phase IME,and if dealt with consistently they learn fairly quickly and drop it.

desperately, sorry to hear you ds2 is still a whinger. I remember talking to you ages ago about out miserable babies!

I have observed a lot of toddlers lately, all of which whinge. Some more than my ds, some less but they all do it. My ds got a hell of a lot beeter once he had a few words like 'water' 'juice' 'cuddle' 'up' 'NO!!!' etc, just little things that he could say and express his wishes without whinging. He's 20 months old now and really isn't any more whingy than any other toddler.

He is still very short tempered though. He was born with a very short fuse. I deffinitely relate to the walking on egg shells bit. He is very very stubborn and strong willed ie. once he gets and idea in his head, it's very very hard to talk him out of it without a tantrum!

Simple things like him wanting to open a door but not being able to or me closing a door he wanted to go through can set him off crying. I always ask him if he wants a cuddle to calm down, he usually is too angry and says 'no' so i ignore him but tell him when he's finished he can come to me and we'll talk about it. He then goes red faced crying, stomping about, eventually calms down and comes for a cuddle. I tell him why I had to close the door or why he can't play with the cooker etc and then tell him he's a good boy for calming himself and off we go again until the next tantrum! Thankfully each tantru only lasts about 5 minutes so I knowit could be worse but some days they do all seem to roll into one big crying fit!

I find that distraction doesn't really wok for him. Once he's angry it's just a case of leaving him to it as trying to distract him only prolongs the screaming and makes him worse. They are all different though. What techniques are you using at the minute? Does he have any langusge?

I hope it gets easier for you soon. I think the main thing is with my ds and probabaly yours too is that he has a very low tolerance for frustration. The slightest thing that he can't do like fasten a zip or reach something on the sideboard and he's angry about his lack of ability. He was exactly the same from being about a week old and was just foul until he could crawl, well really bad until he could walk to be honest. It will get better though when their understanding and language improves.

Lots of really useful advice, thanks guys. Smee, the food thing does make a slight difference, if I can get him to eat something when he wakes up. He's usually so on edge and criey that he refuses food. But he's definitely better if I offer him snacks throughout the day. I think part of my problem is I can't really put my finger on exactly what it is that makes him like that - it seems to switch on and off for no reason, which makes me think it could well be habit or just his character . His language is brilliant, so he can communicate with me really well, but this doesn't seem to make a difference. He now sleeps really well, so I know he's not tired. I have started ignoring him when he does it, unless I know there's something genuinely wrong, but that can be difficult when he's literally clinging to my legs! I just keep hoping he'll grow out of it, but it's not happening...

DS (2.6) whinges like anything at the moment and it is really hard to deal with. For a while I thought he might be genuinely upset or ill but then we were at a friends house and she heard him say to himself "run mummy crying" then walk to the door, run off towards me and start crying....

I'm going for a lot more ignoring of the whining but more attention when he's not doing it now.

Oh and the regular food tip works for us as well, he always whines more if he gets hungry.