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Advice on 4 year old girl friendships

2 replies

Travellerintime · 14/04/2009 19:40

DD (4.6) has been saying for the last few days she doesn't want to go to nursery again. She goes two days a week, and is due to go back tomorrow.
This evening she said she wanted to choose a present for a friend who I'll call X at nursery. When I asked her why she wanted to give X a present, she said it was 'so she will like me again' . She said last week, X had said she didn't like her anymore.
I don't want to make too much of this, obviously, but of course I feel q sad and protective of dd, and just wondered on how you parents of older girls deal with this kind of thing. From what other friends with girls have said, this kind of thing seems to start quite early in nursery - what do you say to your dc in response?
I said to dd that she should play with someone else, I understood why she was sad, but it is X who is the one who is missing out. I felt this was a bit lame, but wasn't really sure what else to say.
DD is a lovely, sensitive, quite quiet child, and I worry for her on how she will cope with the vicissitudes of friendship. Of course I'm probably projecting my own anxieties on to her - I was shy as a child and took such things to heart.

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tiggerlovestobounce · 14/04/2009 20:17

When my DDs have come home saying that one oof thier nursery/classmates have said something negative to them, I have always looked astonished and said something like "wow, thats a silly thing to say isnt it, you not (whatever the insult was) at all, you're lovely"
It only took a couple of times of me saying that for them to accept it as the way you deal with these things, and now if anyone says anything insulting to them they will come home saying "XXX was really silly today, they said that ..." without thinking it says anything about them.
I dont know how good a strategy it is - obviously in the long term they do need to take on board constructive criticism, but I didnt want them worrying about silly nursery insults.

Travellerintime · 14/04/2009 21:39

Thanks Tigger. Sounds a good thing to say. Just a bit worried because dd hasn't been to nursery since last Thursday - she's obviously been thinking about it since then.

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