DD with dog phobia. Trying to cope with some very conflicting emotions. Advice anyone!!!

[Spaceman]

DD is 4.5. As the subject says, she has a full on dog phobia which is impacting on our outings whether it be to the shops or to the park.

She tries to be brave, but after encountering a few dogs while we're out walking or whatever, her resolve will crumble and she'll end up an emotional wreck, if one dog too many even just runs past her in the distance.

We've been out this afternoon with my friend who has a dog and we had to turn around and come back as obviously my friends dog wants to play with other dogs and it just ended up that we were surrounded by about ten of them.

I understand the advice on how to deal with this is to increase her confidence and exposure patiently over time, however there is a little niggling feeling I have that actually it'd be very unfair if I helped her get over this and then she's bitten by one. I can't, after all, one hundred percent say that she's NOT going to get bitten by a dog can I? There are a LOT of dogs out there nowadays bounding around public places - far too many in my opinion - so it is necessary we deal with this problem for her sake before she becomes house bound.

I suppose I would just like some advice about how I can reassure her out of the phobia while also sensibly making her aware that, yes, actually you could get bitten by a dog so beware. Seems impossible to me.

I struggle with this one too. I think there are probably some dog rules that all children should be taught e.g. not going up to strange dogs, never grabbing them, scaring them or running away screaming, and if you see a dog to look for its owner. These will all keep your DD as safe as possible. And this is also the route you can take to give her reassurance.

It's very hard though, and I'm sure there are plenty of other MNers far more knowledgeable than me who can help.

Dd1 had a cat and dog phobia, i got her a cat when she was 3 but sadly had to give it away as dd1 wouldn't go near it, a year later we got a puppy, dd wouldn't go near it for a while but slowly we managed to get her to stroke it, then feed it and now she lets it sit on her lap.

Could you start off with exposing her to a small dog or puppy (something thats not going to jump up etc)?

Dd still knows that she may get bitten by a dog and knows not to stroke dogs when we are out.

It's so hard isn't it? In one vain I'm saying 'There's nothing to be frightened of; you're being irrational' then getting pissed off with owners when they let their dogs stick their noses in my son's face when he's in his buggy!

I just don't know how I can build her confidence when I'm not 100percent myself.

Marne; is your DD over it then? We're thinking of buying a small farm and would LOVE a dog so is it a good idea or would we just be really cruel to land her in the deep end. I think if she got a pet spider it'd be me or the arachnid.

I wouldn't say "there's nothing to be frightened of" though, as that reinforces that it's a potential fear object. With my DS I tend to just neutrally observe what the dog is doing - oh he's out for a walk with his owner. He's having a sniff. He's a lovely black dog etc. It works as DS will often manage to channel his dog fears into observation with a bit of encouragement. The key I think is to get her to relax at least occasionally in the presence of dogs.

Then the flipping owner comes over, lets the dog get right up close and then screeches "There's nothing to be scared of!" when the child understandably jumps. [anger]

Hmmm; yes. The 'there's nothing to be scared of/he doesn't bite' response is very unhelpful indeed! Counteractive to say the least....

Dd is still a bit wary (if the dog jumps up on to her lap when she's not looking or tries to lick her), we have had the dog for a year, i would say it took 6 months for her to get used to the dog, the dog knows not to lick dd or jump up at her. If dd gets upset about the dog then we shut her outside for a while until dd is ready to let her in. She wont stroke any other dogs apart from ours and my friends large soppy Staffie but she doesn't get upset if someone walks past us with a dog (before we would have to cross the road).

Dh doesn't like dogs either but is getting used to them now, it has taken him longer than dd as he has been scared of them for 40 years .

Oh dear me. It's good to hear your story, and that things are undercontrol thanks to your patience and parenting skills.