2yr old hitting other children

[Rach13]

My 2 yr old dd has the habit of hitting other children sometimes (not all the time). It's not all the time but I think it's attention seeking/ frustration. I deal with it by telling her not to, removing her from the situation and making her say sorry to the other child. I was upset yesterday as my friend implied that I wasn't doing enough, that 'I should come down on her like a ton of bricks'. I don't think there is much else I can do, I don't want to smack her. Any ideas? Is this normal?

Yes, it is completely, utterly and totally normal, Rach13. And you are dealing with it just fine, I would say. Don't be embarrassed but just continue doing what you're doing- letting her know gently but firmly that it's not on. Chances are she'll grow out of it pretty soon. Don't let your friend undermine your confidence as a parent. We all do things differently and it sounds like you are handling a situation that is never exactly easy with aplomb. I'd take your friend's advice with a pinch of salt and have a secret smirk when hers starts acting up (they all do at some point- hurrah!)

Thanks for that scrummy. It would be nice to have support from a friend but she makes me feel I've got the child from hell sometimes.

Rach13 - I also have a 'spirited' child who is still growing out of her hair pulling phase, and now growing into her pinching / grabbing phase. Like you say, it does seem to be an attention thing, and she does seem to do these things less when I'm not around, so hopefully starting nursery next month will make a difference. But my reason for posting is to offer my support as I also have felt criticism from friends and I've even been reduced to tears by insenitive comments when actually I'm doing my best to deal with it. Your approach sounds spot on - if you stick with it, dd is bound to get the message. A good piece of advice I was given was to try to turn this negative action into a positive, by demonstrating how to be physical with other kids but in a nce way. We've tried stroking instead of hair pulling but tickling is more succesful and both parties seem to appreciate it. Sory bit waffly, good luck.

Rach13, agree with the others - IMO you are handling things well. I think you're right to put it down to attention seeking/frustration it sounds like normal behavior for a 2 year old anyway.

Perhaps your friend's child just demands less attention from her at the moment? If so, your friend might not realise that your child just needs more attention to keep her on track. All children are different.

It's always worth remembering that you giving your child extra attention means giving less attention to your friend. Do you think she gets frustrated at the interruptions and tellings off and that's why she's getting a bit snotty and intolerant, hoping that you coming down like a ton of bricks on your dd will give you more time with her? If so, it might be easier to see your friend minus children, if possible. If not, tell her your dd needs lots of attention from you, not just after she hits out but long before this happens, to stop things escalating. Explain that when you meet up as a foursome, you'll have to keep a close eye on your dd. If your friend can't accept this, then she's the one with problems.

Sounds normal to me. Just be thankful that your dd doesn't bite! Ds used to at that age and it was mortifying. He has now grown out of it. I found that making a big fuss of the injured child helped. Ds eventually realised that other people were getting the sympathy and attention, so it wasn't worth the hassle.

Agree with hmb's tactic. Also wanted to add that dd's hair pulling always got much worse if I was trying being really strict and shouty with her - because of course that was just more attention. So your friend's ton of bricks suggestion would probably just perpetuate the problem.