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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Quick question: when are babies able to find dummies in the night?

38 replies

Maria2007 · 09/04/2009 19:15

I've become slightly obsessed with our dummy situation & have posted other threads about it in the past. Our DS is 8 months & is waking more & more in the night, 'asking' for his dummy to be replugged, & won't go back to sleep until that's done. This happens on average 5-6 times each night (no exceptions) & sometimes up to 9 times. We've been using a dummy-holder (on a very short ribbon) for a while now: hasn't helped. So DP & I are ready to do some sort of sleep training involving ditching the dummy; I know it'll be very tough & I really didn't want to do this, but we're at the end of our tether with lack of sleep.

My question is: from your experience, when (on average) do babies manage to find their own dummies in the night? DS has never been able to do this, despite the dummy holder. He's crawling, standing, completely mobile, puts things in his mouth fine during the day. But not the dummy, not in the night. Is there any chance this may happen soon & we'll do the sleep training for nothing? Or am I deluding myself?

What do you think? As I said, he's 8 & a half months.

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Bellebelle · 09/04/2009 19:25

DD1 had a dummy until she was 2yo and we still had to get up sometimes to get it for her - think that she could find it herself sometimes but it would sometimes fall out of the cot. DD2 has had a dummy since 4mths but we are going to ditch it before she's 1 as we can't bear the middle of the night scrambles on the floor in the dark trying to find the sodding dummy!

If you can put up with it I think you might be right to ditch the dummy now as that is an awful lot of times to be waking up in the night. We dreaded getting rid of DD1's dummy but she wasn't even bothered and we wished we'd done it sooner. Can imagine it might be quite difficult with a younger one though.

Will be interested to hear how you get on, good luck.

CarGirl · 09/04/2009 19:28

I used to put a dozen dummies in the cot for my eldest which really helped.

However my next 3 I didn't give dummies to as babies because I couldn't bear the getting up in the night thing but they sucked their thumbs instead

Original poster

Maria2007 · 09/04/2009 20:18

CarGirl- I only wish my DS would suck his thumb I know that carries its own problems, but oh, anything for a full night's sleep! I'm getting really exhausted & depressed by months & months & MONTHS of sleep deprivation.

OP posts:

angrypixie · 09/04/2009 20:24

Only dc1 had a dummy (learned my lesson and dc 2 & 3 managed without) We took it away at 2 yrs, and it was relatively easy.

To get past the 'dummy plug in' we put a cot bumper in (not recommended with tiny babies I know but this was around the 7 month stage when she was crawling) and like Cargirl had at least 5 or 6 in the cot so that she could generally manage to find 1.

hazeyjane · 09/04/2009 20:25

Dd2 had her dummy until she was about 14 months (she is 23 months now)and was never able to find a dummy in the night. When we took it away it took 3 nights of me having to take her for a walk in the pushchair to get her to sleep. After that I cuddled her to sleep for a while. The thing that amazed me was that as soon as we took the dummy away, she stopped waking for it, and if she does wake in the night will go back to sleep with a little cuddle.

We took dd1's dummy away when she was 6 months and she instantly latched onto her comforter (a bear).

keels26 · 09/04/2009 20:25

My DD is 16 months old and has been able to put her dummy in herself for quite a while, not sure why but it just seems to be near her when she wants it. With DS we were forever hunting around on the floor, in the cover etc. It was a nightmare!
I always wondered why nobody invented dummys that glowed in the dark, even if it was only a small picture on the dummy that glowed in the dark! Or would this just distract them from sleeping?

Pendulum · 09/04/2009 20:26

Definite themes here!

DD1 used to have 5 or 6 dummies in her cot, we took it away just before she turned 3.

DD2 has no dummy,sucks her thumb instead

mummymimi · 09/04/2009 20:30

Maria2007 I will interested to hear how your sleep training goes as we are having the same problem with our son aged 5 months.

dontbitemytoes · 09/04/2009 20:35

6 months here, although she did have a vast amount in her cot to help her

she is now 18 mo and never wakes me for a dummy - wakes me for many other things, but never a dummy. Hasn't since she was about 10 months i guess....

Original poster

Maria2007 · 10/04/2009 07:12

Lots of people say babies manage to find their dummies around 6, 7, 8 months. However (unfortunately) I've heard from other people that some children can't manage this, or maybe are used to the contact in the night (parents replugging dummy) in which case cold turkey works best I will keep this thread going (or my previous one) & will fill you in on what happens.

OP posts:

bippyhippy · 10/04/2009 14:59

You could try a Sleepytot Baby Comforter That honestly worked for us and I wished we'd got one earlier! You can put the dummies on it. My ds sleeps brilliantly now for naps and at nightime and he gets the dummy on his Sleepytot. At 8 months your son would be able to use it as ours did at 7 months and he was rolling, crawling etc.

Stretfordmum · 10/04/2009 15:10

Just seen the sleepytot baby comnforter and think its a great idea (which we'd heard of it before as it would have been great for our son who woke up and asked for his dummy).

Shylily · 10/04/2009 21:42

I used a dummy for my first one (DS now 2.4) and never had any sleep problems, but I think it's because I was careful not to put him to sleep with it every time. He started putting it in by himself at about 11 months (I think).

DD is now 8.5months and I have just paid Andrea Grace (sleep consultant) to 'fix' our night problems. I was totally at the end of my tether and felt I'd tried everything. I was so clear about how I'd 'sleep trained' DS that I never imagined I wouldn't be able to do it with DD. First step in the sleep training for DD, get rid of the dummy. We started sleep training 9 nights ago and she has slept through from 7pm until 6.30am 4 of those nights and woke only once on another. Before that, we hadn't had an uninterrupted night for 3 months (often she woke for 2-3 hours at a time).

Because she's now sleeping better at night she is much happier in the day and I actually haven't wanted to use the dummy even once, even in the car or push-chair. I haven't missed it, except the first 3 nights which were a bit miserable.

It was much easier to get rid of it than I expected. DS is so addicted to his I fear he may be 20 before it goes. It was much easier to take it from an 8 month old than a 2 year old.

If you decide to ditch it and want more specifics about the sleep training (so you don't have to spend lots of cash) let me know! Otherwise, I'd go for the millions of dummies in the bed approach!
Good luck.

bigmummabear · 11/04/2009 08:20

Would you mind telling us more Shylily? My DS has a dummy just for sleeps and wakes up at least once often twice a night - I know that's not too bad (he's 7 months) but I have a nagging feeling that since he resettles so quickly with the dummy he's getting more and more dependent on it and that he might well forget how to settle himself (which I can sometimes, very occasionally, hear him doing in the night!). To be honest I hate giving it to him but am just a bit of a chicken about taking it away altogether - any advice would be great [apologies for the hijack Maria2007]

Fufulina · 11/04/2009 10:53

Hi Maria - my DD is much younger than your LO (she's 16 weeks) but a week and a half ago we went cold turkey on the dummy. From being a good sleeper (well - relatively - down at 6.30pm and then awake at 12.30am and 4.30am for feeds and then up for the day at 7) - she started waking every hour to an hour and a half to have the dummy put back in. I read loads of threads on MN and couldn't face another 5 months until she could find it herself.

The first night she was pretty upset and I ended up cuddling her for about 40 minutes until she calmed down, then I stayed with her holding her hand and shhhing until she dropped off - about an hour in total. The next day - first nap she went down without a wimper. Than night took about 20 minutes of being with her and shhing. After a week - I can put her down, give her a kiss a pat and she goes off after a minute of so of grumbling.

She's back to her old pattern of sleeping and now wakes in the night only for food, and then goes back again easily. So glad we did it. HTH.

EachPAQUESPearMum · 11/04/2009 14:25

I too would like to know more... DS has become a little too attached the last 2 weeks... mainly because of me needing to give dd attention when he needs to settle for naps, and dummy is quickest and least painful
He has started waking a lot more in the night, and I am sure he doesn't want food, he just wants to get back off to sleep...

Original poster

Maria2007 · 11/04/2009 14:33

I think from what everyone says (and shylilly, thanks so much for your message) ditching the dummy & doing it cold turkey seems like the way to go. For many reasons, I think this is what we'll do too. The most encouraging thing from what you say shylilly is that the crying was less than you expected. Of course this depends on each baby... but like bigmummabear I too am too CHICKEN to take away the dummy, & have been trying to look for ways around it (in vain). Anyway, cold turkey it is for us. As I said, I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

OP posts:

giantkatestacks · 11/04/2009 14:49

I knew this thread was going to be you Maria I think cold turkey is the way to go as well - after all you're already up every hour. Just dont start it and then stop - thats the worst thing to do I think.

Good luck.

MegBusset · 11/04/2009 14:50

DS never managed to find his in the night; in the end we went cold turkey with it at 9mo. I'm glad we did, because even now, as a two-year-old, if he loses one of his toys in the cot at night he seems incapable of finding it without parental assistance!

pudding25 · 11/04/2009 15:12

Good luck Maria (not been on here for a while). It will be easier than you think if you decide to go ahead with the sleep training.

Shylily · 11/04/2009 22:20

This is a very long response! (Hope it doesn't bore you all to death!)
Nothing technical in the sleep training, the main thing is being consistent. (I had just lost it by the end so I couldn't stick with a plan.)
We had the added problem with DD's sleep that my DH most often put her in to bed and kept feeding her to sleep even though I told him never ever to do it!
Basically, as Fufulina did, we started very gently. The first 2 nights we next to her,(she was in her cot) patting and shushing until she went to sleep (she cried for 1.5 hours the first night but I did discover a poo at 50 mins - oops! Second night was 30 mins. Third was 1 minute) She woke a few times the first few nights and we just did the same thing in the middle of the night. First night was 2 hours of full-on screaming but by day 4 she slept through. We did not get her out of her cot at all, just sat next to her, patting and saying nice calm things.
Day 3 we sat next to her at bed time and only touched her if she fussed and then only held her hand or put a hand on her chest (no patting or shushing).
Days 4-6 we just pottered around the room until she went to sleep. After day 7 we went out of the room and were told to go back every minute for the first 5 minutes (even if she wasn't crying) then leave 5 minute intervals unless she was really distressed, then go back and sit with her for a minute or so. We were told not to leave her in distress and not for longer than 5 minutes (unlike lots of controlled crying programmes).
In fact after day 4 she had her eyes closed and didn't notice what I was doing so it didn't really matter.

Now we just pop her in her cot after her story and go. She is still quite noisy about going to sleep. She needs a good yell - it's not really a cry but it is quite a lot of noise (only for up to 5 minutes or so) then she goes to sleep in the middle of her yelling.

I think I was a bit put off by the yelling and occasional crying to get to sleep which is why I persisted with the dummy because I thought she was getting distressed and she kept waking DS at day naps. Now he's used to it and so am I.

As you can see, nothing technical but it did help me to keep my goal in mind. I realise also that DD is so much more rested that she is generally more happy so a few nights of crying will mean less crying in the long run.
Good luck!

bigmummabear · 12/04/2009 06:43

Well.... Last night I gave ds his feed and put him down sleepy in his cot. Normally I'd put the dummy in when he starts getting upset but I just shhed and stroked him for 5 minutes and... he fell asleep! Yay! He actually did exactly the same thing in the night as he had done the night before WITH the dummy - he woke at 12.30am, had a feed, and then woke again at 5.30am - but I'm sure it's worth persisting without it, if only because it means I'm not lying there in the night thinking 'it's the dummy he's waking for, it's the dummy he's waking for...argh!'. Thanks so much for the other tips shylily and masses of luck to you maria. Keep us posted!

bigmummabear · 12/04/2009 06:52

OK - further update (sorry if this is boring but like maria I've been stressing over dummies for ages now and am a bit obsessed): DH just put DS down for a nap - we live abroad hence the crazy timing - did the same shhing and stroking, it took about 10-15mins and... he's asleep! Woo hoo!

Shylily · 12/04/2009 13:49

Nice work bigmummabear!
(Just as a 'by the way'. We got rid of the middle of the night feed and stopped the 5.30 wake-ups with the same technique. Turns out it was all part of the same problem. We had to introduce a story between the feed and going to sleep (same story every night until it's solved) so she stopped linking the feed with sleep. We did it all at the same time as no dummy! Now that you know he can do it so easily, once you're sick of the middle of the night feed you should be able to 'train' it out.)

Again, nice work and keep it up - it's worth it for a full night's sleep!

bigmummabear · 13/04/2009 07:09

Sorry Maria this is turning into a total hijack of your thread but maybe it might give you some hope / inspiration? Shylily, inspired by you, last night we gave dropping the feed a go. He cried for about an hour and 40 minutes - I sat next to him shhing and stroking. It was HORRIBLE but after a certain point I felt it was more unfair and confusing for him not to see it through. I'm really really hoping he'll cry for less time tonight as I found it SO hard but also think that I need to be consistent for once.... Wish me luck! And I'll think of you Maria if you're about to embark on the same thing...

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