Has anyone got a gay son?

[Spidermama]

My son is very likely to be gay. Of course it's a bit early to tell but he's very camp, loves Marylin Monroe, plays with dolls all the time, makes cool clothes for his dolls, draws women in fab dresses with handbags and really amazing accessories, has 'jazz hands', hangs out with girls .... I could go on.

I have absolutely no worry whatsoever and would never try to change him. My only concern is I worry for him in his journey through school. In September he'll leave the infants for the juniors and there's a depressing level of homophobia or gender stereotyping/panic goes on there.

Already he has a fair bit of teasing which he shrugs off. He's got lots of really good friends which is helpful, but I worry it's going to get harder and harder for him.

Does anyone have experience of this?

Through a friend, I know of a website for parents of gay children - www.familiestogether.com (apologies, can't do links). It has been set up by parnets of gay children as they thought there was insufficient advice and support for parents in your position and is for anyone at the suspecting to accepting stages.
Friend would also add that unless a child declares themselves to be gay, they are not - you can suspect and support, but not to give it a label until such a time as he may choose to.

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My youngest brother is gay, he came out during Uni but I knew already and had done for some years. He loved playing with me and my friends as children, had mainly friends who were girls and was very dramatic and confident. He too was extremely empathetic and still is.

Our other brother is the complete opposite, very maccho, lots of girlfriends, sporty etc... he never stood up for Sam at school as he did get called names fairly often. I remember one horrid boy on the way home from school on the bus asking Sam if hhe was going to be a hairdresser. Being the protective older sister I walloped him!

Luckily Sam is bright, sharp and very witty. He always has a witty comeback and people don't mess. It helps that he lives in East London now, a tolerant arty sort of district. He's an architect, has a lovely partner and is a great uncle to my girls!

Regarding my Mum, she is cool with it, though his coming out was more of a shock to her than me. She has lost friends though, specifically those who had a pained, almost sympathetic response when she has told them.

Your son sounds fab...whatever happens in the future, I'm sure you'll be just fine.

I remember him wanting a fairy party and most people thought he sounded lovely.

Libra I'm so sorry your ds went through this. I hope, as you say, it's dying down now. How awful.

I also feel sorry for the boy whose parents you were talking to Minx but I fear this is quite a common reaction. Some of my best friends, who have gay friends of their own, are still tense when their sons try on their mum's shoes or do stuff that's too 'girly'. Bizarre! Pehaps I'm lucky but my dh has always had gay friends and we used to go to pride before we had kids just as a big social day out because so many of our friends did.

Thanks so much for the website catrin. I'm going to have a look at that.

lulu your brother sounds fantastic. Good for you sticking up for him on the bus. I used to stick up for my little brother. I think my dd would stick up for her 'gay' ds if called upon.

Notgetting ... well remembered. He did have a fairy tale party. Of course I was worried then too (so did a thread) but it all turned out to be fine.

I was good friends the whole way through school with a guy who's gay. My mother says that she knew from the time he was 7 that he was gay. Like your son, he had very good friends and is a lovely, funny, thoughful person. He didn't have any more problems than anyone else at school. I remember that in highschool boys outside our friendship group started to say things about him being gay but his friends would say 'So what, none of your business, bugger off' and he didn't actually come out until 18. He was so surprised that we already knew!
I wonder if groups like PFlag would give you some ideas about how to help him prepare for the sort of behaviour you described from his brother's friends?
Any child who is different will have nastiness to contend with. (I was seriously skinny with teeth bigger than my head! People thought I had an eating disorder.) My mum just helped me feel OK about myself (like you are with your son) and gave me a few standard responses for the bullying. If you look like you don't care it's harder for them to be successful with the bullying.
I hope he does well. With you on his side, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Spidermama, your ds will be fine. The thing he has in his favour is that he has lovely, tolerant parents. That is half the battle. I don't think any of mine are gay but ds2 has difficulty making friends. I'm sorry to say that hell will freeze over before ds1 sticks up for him, it must be a brother thing!

ITS NOT GAY IF ITS WITH AARON RAMSEY