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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help nightmare 2.5 year old don't know what to do :-(

25 replies

Eve34 · 08/04/2009 21:13

Evening ladies

I really have had a terrible evening, and it is getting worse by the day. Dp and I parent differently - that is life, DP is tougher than me, I try to get down to DS leve, ask him what the problem is, reason with him etc.

I try and do all the things that MN suggest.

This evening we have had 2 blow outs - 1 in ASDA he wanted a football, I said no, dragged him away kicking and screaming, held him on the floor waiting for him to calm, nothing, tried distraction nothing. Had to let go and let him run off and work with him through the paddy.

This evening he had finished in the bath, pulled plug out etc and would not get out, ~I left him to it, lifed him out and put him in his room, distraction, nothing it took over half an hour for him to calm down, and only did because the cat appeared out of no where.

I really don't know what to do. :-( I just want to cry when he starts because I know I can't handle him

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

justaboutback · 08/04/2009 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SadieSunshine · 08/04/2009 21:19

Oh dear. Sounds as though you're having a rough time of it.

dd2 is of a similar age and I would say it's just a stage your child is at...nothing to do with your parenting skills. You are going to have confrontations no matter how well your child behaves normally.

He's finding how to be independant and stubborn and you may have to rethink some of your decisions. It doesn't make you a crap mum.

I found the toddler taming book helped me when dd1 turned 2yo. I stopped having rows with my 2 yo and realised that I had to take it easy soemtimes.

Wallace · 08/04/2009 21:27

My ds is 2.5ish too and it is a hard phase (tis only a phase, tis only a phase, tis only a phase)

I find my ds is so much worse when he gets tired. I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom but I just wanted to sympathise.

Original poster

Eve34 · 08/04/2009 21:43

Bless you thank you for the tough love, just is so damn hard...

OP posts:

369thegoosedrankwine · 08/04/2009 22:16

I sympathise. My DS is also 2.5 and has taken to kicking me , the door, anything.

You are not alone in feeling like this. Tis a difficult age.

Wallace · 08/04/2009 22:28

Mine has taken to grabbing things he knows he isn't allowed (from the mantlepiece or kitchen counters) and running away cackling evily (is that a word? doesn't look right?)

Twinklemegan · 08/04/2009 22:32

Someone please tell me when it ends!

piscesmoon · 08/04/2009 22:43

It is normal 2 yr old behaviour. Just make sure he is safe and leave him to it-give him the attention once he has stopped.Distracting and reasoning are a waste of effort. He will eventually realise that it doesn't get him anywhere-some take longer than others!
It is a phase. As someone said on a similar thread, the next thing will be 'I hate you, mummy' or 'I don't love you anymore, I just love daddy'! Keep calm and keep going!

noavailablename · 08/04/2009 22:47

2 year olds get very very tired.

You may find that if you bring his bed time forward by an hour, and give him more food during the day (he may be too tired to eat enough at tea time) things might improve.

Also - they pick up on any lack of consistancy between parents at this age, so it is very important to present a united front.

Twinklemegan · 08/04/2009 22:51

The worst thing I find is that I get home at around 6 or 6.30 when DS is getting really tired. Half the time I don't get a lovely welcome I'm greeted by a tantrum which I'm very ill-equipped to deal with after a day at work. It's equally hard for DH after a day with DS so we end up resenting each other for not doing more.

Oh, DS's latest phase is shouting "don't hit me!" in the middle of a public place. Leaving bemused parent saying "you what?!" and desperately shaking head at complete strangers. I've just realised it's because that's what I spend half my evening shouting saying to DS.

screamingabdab · 08/04/2009 23:03

My Ds1 was an extremely tantrummy toddler, of the pressure-cooker-blowing-where-the-hell did-THAT-come -from-and-what-the-hell-can-I-do-to-stop-it ? variety.

I still don't really know what I could have done differently, but for what it's worth, here's my advice.

Stay Calm

Don't blame yourself

Don't blame him

Do not reward him for having a tantrum eg don't give him the green cup to keep the peace

Try and work as a team with your DP

THIS TOO WILL PASS

There's a nice book I used to read DS1, called Tiger and the Temper Tantrum, which made us laugh.
Also, a nice book of top tips, called Tantrums, from a series called last straw strategies (Michelle Kennedy)

screamingabdab · 08/04/2009 23:08

Agree with piscesmoon. Trying to reason with a 2.5 year old is futile. Wait until he is around 4, and may have attained more control of his emotions

noavailablename · 08/04/2009 23:49

Mine were in bed by 6.30 at that age - perhaps overtiredness is the problem. Who looks after him during the day?

Wallace · 09/04/2009 07:20

Twinklemegan - that made me because your ds was such an angel at the meet up.

It is nice to know that they are all the same at this age!

piscesmoon · 09/04/2009 07:50

Excellent advice from screamingabdab. Don't blame yourself. Some days they will tantrum because they wanted a red cup and you gave them blue-you can't win because if you had given them the blue in the first place they would have wanted red!

screamingabdab · 09/04/2009 08:01

I am so wise with the wonderful benefit of hindsight.

piscesmoon · 09/04/2009 08:08

Like me screamingabdab-I tried everything at the time and it didn't work! Ignore.

justaboutback · 09/04/2009 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

screamingabdab · 09/04/2009 08:54

Oh, just thought of something else that worked for me.
"No" is like a red rag to a bull, so instead of just saying no, offer an alternative, like "not today, maybe we can play with your ball when we get home" then distract, distract, distract

Only works of they haven't already got themselves in a tizzy

Like wise: "Don't walk on the road", is better replaced by "walk on the pavement"

Wallace · 09/04/2009 14:33

I do that screamingabdab. Like "Can we go the park?" instead of "No" say "Yes that is lovely idea! We will do that two weeks next thursday!"

They are so contrary at this age. I took a bowl out for ds's breakfast. "I don't want that bowl". "Ok, you choose which bowl you would like" I said and opened the cupboard for him to choose. Few minutes later: "I want this one!" And it was the exact same bowl I had taken out in the first place

Original poster

Eve34 · 09/04/2009 20:38

Thank you all, I work 3 days a week, he is at the child minders. He doesn't eat much at tea time, but has plenty of milk.

I think you are right he might be over tired, I shall try an earlier bed time.

I do appreciate all the advice you have given, these little people are such hard work....

OP posts:

noavailablename · 10/04/2009 13:48

Could the childminder give him a snack before you pick him up, so all you have to do is drink/wash/story and bed?

dylsmum1998 · 10/04/2009 21:40

eve my dd is similar a;though she is 2 yr 11 months- it started a few months ago and has got worse in past month
i have had a better day today by a combination of diff apporaches the past few weeks in a desperate attempt not to loose it.

i cut down her milk intake and within days her food intake increased and had an improvement on her behaviour. we also have a sticker chart for her 5 a day which has encouraged her to eat more (she never ate much at all before) and telling her she can grow big and string like her brother if she eats her dinner etc.

i tell her to get a plate/ bowl/ cup which ever she needs while i get the jug etc out the fridge. then i dont get the grumps for getting the wrong colour out

then she cut out her afternoon sleep. she used to go to bed at 8pm i have worked it forwards and seems to help she went to bed at 7 tonight, the earliest i have managed am hoping we will have a really good day tomorrow.

dont know if any of these are options for you, but they have improved (although not completely fixed) things in my house

monkeybumsmum · 11/04/2009 21:58

Hi Eve34,

My ds is a bit younger than yours (2.1), and has been starting to have a few more tantrums over the last month or so. It is so difficult to know what to do. I'm pretty tough with ds (or so I like to think ) and do plenty of ignoring if his behaviour gets out of hand. To start with he just laughs at me, but invariably it ends with him stroking my cheek and attempting the word sorry.

I'm muddling through things just like you, so I don't really have any advice from personal experience. I did want to say though that dh was listening, randomly, to a baby programme on US military radio where they were talking about toddlers and how to handle them. Apparently, the more worked up a toddler gets, the more their logic goes out the window, and the more they become controlled by their emotions. Hence the tantrums escalating. DH has just said that the advice they gave when dealing with a screaming little one was to use concise words to explain why they can't have/do what they want. For example, if your ds wants a toy that another child is playing with then you should highlight the toy (draw their attention to it) and then just say 'no toy'. The logical side of their brain does not really kick in during tantrums, and so a lengthy explanation will go over their heads.
I would be interested to know if this is of any help by the way! I shall be trying it with my ds and hoping that it works, and if it doesn't work for you then don't shoot the messenger
Good luck, and remember that things WILL become easier. Or so I've been told...

monkeybumsmum · 11/04/2009 22:02

ps I definately agree with the tiredness factor that other posters have mentioned. DS's behaviour is much worse, and he is almost impossible to deal with sometimes after a full day at creche. I almost know that I'm going to get smacked in the face by him at some point .
What little thanks we get hey!

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