6 week old baby never happy

[Feeltrapped]

Hi there. I am a first time mum to a gorgeous 7 week old DS. I am loving being a mum but I am getting increasingly anxious as he rarely seems very happy/content.

Just to give you a bit of background, he seems healthy. He is still a bit jaundice but has been checked out at the hopital and they think it is just breast fed jaundice. Aprt from that he seems fine in himself - he is feeding really well (exclusively breastfeeding) and has put on an average of 14oz a week in the last month! He has plenty of wet nappies and until Friday, regular, normal bowel movements. (He hasn't been since then which appreciate must be very uncomfortable but his discontent has been going on for 2-3 weeks now). He sleeps well, going down properly about 10 (will nap before then), waking about 4 for a feed and then again at 7ish - so no complaints there!

Its during the day he worries me. He just never seems very happy or settled. He will sit/lay in his chair/playmat etc for about 5 or 10 minutes but then he will start grizzling. He is like this pretty much most of the day, except when he's asleep/feeding.
When he's like this even holding/rocking him doesn't seem to comfort him.

I obviously make sure he is not hungry or wet etc, I try to make sure he has regular naps so he doesn't get overtired (he does fight sleep sometimes) and I try to keep him occupied so he doesn't get too bored (as much as you can a 7 week old!)

I just love him so much and hate to see him unhappy. I feel like such a failure that I can't make things better for him. I just don't know what I am doing wrong?

you aren't doing anything wrong! he is behaving like a normal 6 week old baby.
they like being held, they like knowing you are there and being close to you. they don't want to just sit around and stare at stuff (ok, well some do, but most don't!)
so don't worry. if he cries, feed him

a sling might help?

My DS was just the same- like your DS he would only sit in a bouncy chair or lie on a playmat for 5 mins before crying. I was very worried as his older sister was always content and I couldn't believe the difference. He is now 20 weeks old and over the last 6 weeks or so he has been much happier and is very smiley and interactive. I found it really hard at the beginning but everything has now settled down and he is fine. I'm sure you'll find the same as the weeks go by, some babies just seem to take a bit more time to adjust to the world. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job with BF and with his sleeping, no way should you feel a failure! You're giving him the best start in life and he'll be laughing with you before too long.

First things first, you are not a failure you sound like a fab Mum and it seems you are doing everything to comfort him. My DS was very unsettled and seemed to cry all the time for about the first 3 or 4 months, it is hard and very frustrating at times. I thought my DS hated me and that I hadn't bonded with him. Do you think he may be colicky? Did he have a difficult birth?
He hasn't pooed since Friday? Maybe speak to your GP or health visitor about that, I FF so I'm not sure what is "normal" for BF babies.
Don't worry too much about him getting bored, he is only 7 weeks old and will be very easily entertained by you talking to him or singing to him and babies so young get overtired very easily and then can be very hard to settle.
The first few months are very difficult and it seems like they will never settle down but they do eventually. Has he smiled at you yet? When he gives you that first smile it melts your heart and it made me feel great (I cried too) cos I thought to myself "oh he does love me after all", stupid I know but it made me feel so much better.

Sounds normal to me. Seven weeks old is still so small. To be honest, he probably just wants his Mum. My DS was like that too. I used a sling (like someone mentioned above) - worked brilliantly. I came to the conclusion that he just preferred being near me. He wasn't like that forever - only until he was three or four months old.

He's a perfectly normal 6 or 7 week old baby (I have an 8 week old DS2 who is very chilled but will all of a sudden become discontent for no particular reason - DS1 was pretty miserable for his first 8 weeks but suddenly brightened up into a happy chilled little man). He may cry because he is getting bored - or because he is getting overstimulated - or because he is in discomfort - or because he just wants a cuddle. It's hard to tell. If he is a velcro baby who just wants to be held during the day a sling may help - though lots of babies do tend to sleep a lot in slings so may throw his good night time sleeps out abit. Just keep doing what you're doing and he'll be happy and fine.

Thank you so much for your reasurrances, it really does help as I feel so useless I could cry.

Its reassuring also to know he is not the only baby like this - it just seems like everyone elses are so content! It's good to hear that things have improved for those of you who had similar DCs.

In answer to your questions, I do think that at times he has a bit of colic - he suffers from a lot of wind despite the fact that the health visitors/nct etc keeps saying breast fed babies don't need winded!

He was born by caesarian and the consultants notes said it was a difficult birth - the consultant really struggled to get him out - apparently becuase of my very strong stomach muscles (DP laughed in disbelief when he said that!). He also had some breathing difficulties either as a result of the birth or an infection, they didnt really know - he spent 5 days in sbcu. Could this have any bearing on it? On my sisters advice I have made an appointment to see a cranial osteopath on Thurs although I have to admit I don't really understand what they really do.

I had my 6 week check today and asked the doctor about his constipation - she suggested a few drops of fresh orange mixed with cooled boiled water so we will see if that works - DP says he is making some terrible smells at the moment so maybe...! The b/f councellor said they can go 10 days

He has just started to smile - admittedly not that often but it melts my heart every time

I guess I should try to relax and stop worrying and accept that some babies are like this.

Thank you all once again x

feeltrapped - i was about to ask if he was a c-section. DS2 was a section and he was so unhappy for about 8 weeks (in a very different way to DS1 who was a normal birth but was just a normal moany 6week old baby)

DS2 was just unhappy about being born for the first couple of months and nothing i did settled him. I just accepted that he needed to be held and i mean held as he hated a sling or carrier. Now he is a fantastic content little boy who is a joy to be around.

i do remember the long days of going to the loo holding him, living off toast, etc etc

re the constipation, post on the breastfeeding section but i understood that BFed babies could go up to 14 days before pooing as there is less waste. Orange juice is not recommended these days! DS2 is BFed and smells like a rotten bin some days.

good luck and just keep those smiles in mind!

Cranial osteopathy is fab, it worked a treat for us, our DS was a different baby after a few sessions.
The OJ in water works too, our DS went about 20 mins after us giving it to him, he didn't like the taste too much though.

Reading your message just brought the first 3 months of my DD's life come flooding back. I remember crying at the doctors saying "she just seems to have no quality of life".

DD had reflux so cried A LOT and could never just lie there looking at things on her play mat like other babies did. Like your baby she was only ever happy when she was sleeping, on the boob or being carried about in a sling.

Hold out - it's about to get so much better. 6 weeks is meant to b the point at which babies cry the most. After that they just get better and better. DD gets a lot happier every time she learns something new, she's 7months now and is thrilled with herself for crawling.

My now very laid back DS once went without a poo for 10 days! He was fine eventually although definitely colicy. Wish I'd just relaxed about it now. He sorted himself out eventually.

Feeltrapped - I promise you this will get better! Lots of deep breathing and you keep reminding yourself of those gorgeous smiles he's giving you.

Just wanted to add that I felt exactly the same for the first few weeks/months of my DD's life. Everytime she cried I would just breastfeed her hoping that would sort it, she only seemed happy when fed, or cuddled upright and screamed if laid down. I really hated that I didn't know why she was crying and felt I was a bad mum for not knowing if she was tired/hungry etc.

It helped when someone said to me that when a baby is so young they probably don't know why they're crying!

It got a lot easier after 3months when DD settled into some kind of routine and I felt we had bonded. She's now 9 months and we're considering no2 so it can't have been that bad!

Hey - just wanted to echo what other people said about a sling. My DD was a grump when teeny and I found wearing her in a ring sling really worked for her and me. I got to get things done and move around, and she got lots of close time with mummy, in a very contained way. I think it made her feel safe - she liked being swaddled at night and I think the ring sling gave her the same sort of security.

Just a quick thought re the orange juice.
My DS went for several days without pooing when he was only a week or so old and the MW's advice was for me to drink the juice as it would filter through into my breast milk and help with his pooing- and it did work!

My son was like this, if you put him down for a second he was not happy. He wanted to be held every second. It was hard to get anything else done.

My son is lovely now, happy, cheeky, funny.... it's not going to be your son's personality!. Just to reassure you. these are very basic baby needs.

I think having a 6 week old child was the most difficult time of my life. My DS was 3 weeks early and had quite difficult birth. He was v slow to put on weight, had colic and cried, cried and cried. I had to put him in a sling to do the housework and push him round and round the streets in his pram as he would only sleep when on the move. Everybody else seemed to have the answer 'give him this' 'give him that' - all advice different of course but just made me feel bad that others seemed to know so much and I was at such a loss.

I eventually swapped half the BFs for bottle, and this really helped, I think in retrospect he didn't feed very well and was may be hungry.

Anyway, by the time he was 12 months you wouldn't have recognised him, round, chubby and always smiling!!

So again to reassure you, this time will pass and you have so many lovely times with your DC to look forward to.

One of my twins was JUST like this. Now they are 19mths they are much better, they actually improved as soon as they could grab stuff and move around a bit. They just have the sort of temperament where they get bored easily I think (like their mum...) and although much happier now, still get grumpy and fed up a lot!

One tactic that worked when they were tiny and very grumpy was to move them from room to room, and sit them in bouncers/car seats (change around). They used to start in the kitchen, watching me eat, then living room, then watch me put washing out, then dishwasher, etc. They were much happier this way and were kept a bit more entertained!

A sling is a great investment too, my babies LOVED being carried in one and were much happier (and then so was I!)

If you think your baby has constipation, you could try light foot massage, this can help.. rub his toes.

Anyway, well done for exclusively bf!! Whatever you do, don't start bottle feeding on any advice that this may help. BF is really the best you can do for your baby, and the hardest bit is over!

Feeltrapped - the cranial osteopath definitely helped my DS1 (he had a fairly traumatic birth and aspirated meconium). You should see a difference in a few weeks of treatment with your baby. DS1 also used to go a week without a poo (exclusively breastfed) and when it came it was like a poo vending machine had been turned on - curiously DS2 is rather like that too! DS2 is exclusively breastfed - and suffers terribly from trapped wind; the cranial osteopath is helping with that and I make sure I burp him every feed (even night feeds) and while he's awake cycle legs etc. which helps. I've also binned caffeine and taken to drinking camomile tea by the bucketload which seems to help with his wind. If your baby wants holding, just hold him - he'll feel secure and loved which will give him confidence (my DS1 evolved from a baby who was really unhappy when tiny to a very secure contented baby and now a toddler) and all to soon they become far too mobile and there is no way they'll let you hold them anymore.

My two were both like this and it made not a jot of difference what I ate or drank, or not--they were just miserable until they were about 10 weeks. Homeopathy and cranial osteopathy didn't seem to make much difference.

As soon as they were old enough to do more (like doorframe bouncers) they cheered up. Other than that, they just spent a lot of time in the sling or being held. An electric rocking chair helped my daughter, too.

I think some babies' nervous systems just mature more slowly.

Grit your teeth. Get outdoors as much as you can and tell yourself it will pass soon and he (and you) will feel much happier.

You sound like a lovely, sensitive mother.

Sorry for not relying earlier, we've been having internet problems so its the first chance I've had to get on.

Firsty I just wanted to say a big thank you for all your support and reassurances. It really does help.

Iroinically the day after I posted the message we had a much better day and he seemed happier. Unfortunately it didn't last

This morning he has just cried and grizzled since he woke at 6am. I'm just at my wits end... DP has just taken him out in the car to calm him down but I feel like we spend the whole time trying to make the poor little thing go to sleep as its the only time (apart from feeding) that he happy. Didn't work anyway as he was awake and grizzling within minutes of getting back.

DP thinks its because he's hungry but surely if he's putting on 13/14oz a week he must be eating enough? I personally think he just says it because its the easy answer... and means mummy has to take over!

Also meant to say re the sling suggestion - I have thought of that but holding him doesn't really seem to comfort him, so I wasn't sure if it would help??

I think to be honest this is what I find hardest. At least if he settled when I held him I would know it was becasuse he wanted attention or cuddles but it just makes me feel so useless that me holding him doesn't comfort him.

I'm just worried deep down that either there is something wrong and that's why he's unhappy, or that its just his personality and he isn't a very happy little person... not sure which is worse.

Anyway sorry for going on. I guess I need to try and stop worrying about/analysing things and take faith in your reassurances that things will improve in time. Oh and make the most of those brief but gorgeous little smiles..

Thanks again

Hi FT.

sounds like hes putting the weight on just fine. DS2 has only put on 2-3ozs a week since birth (average) with about 6ozs on the best week so he definitly sounds like he's getting plenty of milk. Are you still BFing?

Unfortunatly i think he's just getting used to the real world after having the comfort of being inside you for 9months. I do understand that you mean about thinking there is something wrong. DS1 was the happiest baby ever and when DS2 was born, constantly moaning and griping, i was convinced there was a problem. I even became fixated by the fact he has hairy ears and kept googleing "hairy ears" to see if there was any syndrome that he had. He was just a miserable baby but by about 2 1/2 or 3 months he was a lot happier and now, aged 7months, he sitting here beside me amused by his toes and smiling away.

I also found that DS2 wasnt happy apart from being in the car. he wanted to be held but didnt like cuddles. the only way he was truely happy was in the bath naked with me.

have you spoken to your MW or HV about this?

hope things get better anyway

Sorry to say but he sounds quite normal!

IME the concentration span of alert babies is about 5 - 10 minutes.

So whereever he is and whatever you are doing after 10 minutes he's likely to start squirming and complaining. He's just bored and wants some interaction.

So if you set out to entertain a baby of this age for an hour you may well need 6 different things to do.

Singing for 10 mins

Standing in front of the mirror for 10 minutes

Walk round the garden for 10 mins

Play gym for 10 mins

Sitting with him making eye contact and massaging/stroking him for 10 mins

Holding a toy at the point where he can focus on it and follow it for 10 mins

It's exhausting but having had one of these myself many years ago I do think if you resign yourself to the fact that he could well need attention and active playing with all the time he is awake then you may feel less frustrated.

Long walks also helped my dc to snooze and relax - and kept me sane!

Good luck - keep playing!

Oh and the cuddles thing - my dc only wanted cuddling when very tired.

Otherwise cuddling was only acceptable for 10 minutes - because it's boring!

Hello Feeltrapped and others with unsettled babies.
When did they finally settle? or When did you see any improvement? How are they now? Would be very interesting to know.
I have a really unsettled 6week old here.. :(

Hi feeltrapped and lykke...
I'm a first time mum and like you, the first weeks were awful for me - I started out ebf, which didn't go well and after 5 weeks went onto formula. My DS was so unsettled - grizzling, crying, seemed like he never slept and add into the mix that when he did sleep, he grunted and groaned non stop. I thought that I would never get through it and that he and I would never be happy....
Fast forward though, he is almost 5 months now and is the happiest, most content and smiley little guy ever and is an absolute joy!
The point I'm trying to make is that it does get better - everyone kept telling me that and I didn't believe them but it's so true. The turning point for me was 11 weeks, that's when he started to settle down, sleep more etc and I started to chill out!
Hang in there, it will be so worth it