Ds is nightmare to feed - any suggestions?

[cloudberry]

My Ds aged just 3 is an absolute nightmare to feed. He almost won't eat anything. Luckily he's not going to fade away for a while yet, but it's doing my head in. He might have a couple of mouthfuls then pushes his bowl away and absolutely refuses to eat any more no matter how much I bribe or cajole. Breakfast, lunch and tea. He doesn't tend to have snacks in between meals. I know it's quite common, my dd1 did it for a bit but not to this extent. I'd be very grateful for any tips on how to deal with this one.

not sure how much help I can be but wanted to answer as food stuff can be very stressful

my ds will be 3 in May and has days of not eating much, since I've 'left him to it' it has improved (or maybe he's growing out of it ) my health visitor said don't cajole or bribe him, at this age he doesn't see the benefit of eating mains to get a pudding just a battle that now needs to be won.

I offer a main course which is actually much smaller than I think he should be eating, litterally along the idea of fish fingers and chips is one/half a fish finger, 3 chips and about 10 peas and sometime he finishes it and asks for more other times he'll only have about half but I feel better about it because at least he almost emptied his plate HV suggested he might be feeling over welmed by the amount of food I was offering. She said don't withhold a desert just make it a healthy one, ds has cheese and crackers, fruit smoothie (won't eat fruit) or a yoghurt (natural or adult full fat probiotic cause baby ones too sweet)

I have to just try really hard not to worry about it, we've been lucky that no matter how little he seems to eat he sleeps through and has more energy than I know what to do with during the day. HV just used to reassure me that he would eat if he was hungry. She also said keep putting food on his plate that you know he won't eat - ie ds won't really touch fruit and veg but if I give him a sandwich I make sure there is a piece of cucumber and tomato on the plate, I guess the idea is he'll get used to it being the norm and one day want to try it

She also said to make sure he wasn't filling up on milk and juice around meal times so I just serve them with meals and he has water rest of time (that was a battle to start with)

hth and someone is along soon with some advice

Thank you so much for replying. You've given me some great suggestions. It definitely makes sense about giving him much smaller portions than I think. I have been cutting the quantity right down but will decrease even more. We've been staying with my mum for a while and she has a very old school attitude to bringing up children and I think I've become much more stressed about it because of her comments. If we were at home I wouldn't be forcing the issue so much, but there's quite a lot of unspoken disapproval about how my dh and I treat our dcs - too soft, letting them get away with murder etc etc. Thankfully we're going back home in a couple of days so can take on board your suggestions and anyone else's.

glad it helped, hopefully people have other suggestions for you too. My mum is the same in her opinions and then every now and agin she'll let something slip that makes me realise she's either (a) not owning up to stuff or (b) has just completely forgotten. She was telling me the other day how I ALWAYS slept 7-7 in my bed, no problem and then mentioned when I was talking bout co sleeping when ds2 was 6 wks old that she OFTEN co-slept with us... doesn't sound like 7-7 to me

try not to get stressed I think they pick up on it and dig their heals in, we just worked on getting ds1 to stay at table with us even if he had a toy or book to start with (HV reckoned he should be able to sit with us for 20 mins at this age), now he'll eat what he wants even if only a mouthful and then (most of the time) stay at the table till I get his 'pudding' also took a while for him to just push his plate away rather than just playing with it, I guess thats an age thing too...

good luck x

Hi Incywincyspider. Just wanted to thank you again for replying. Actually it's almost better not to have been bombarded with suggestions as sometimes too much information can have the reverse effect. What you said made real sense and will help me see this phase through. xx

Cloudberry - my DS1 (nearly 3) is similar (mealtimes used to take over an hour of cajoling with much rejection and gagging on his part). I eventually cracked last month and drew up some rules - which we've stuck to - which is a non-confrontational approach. We serve up the meal (if DS wants to eat it, great; if not, then we offer him his dessert - which is either a yoghurt, fruit or sometimes a cake or icecream). If he eats more than half of his meal,he gets to put a smiley sticker on his reward chart. He only gets juice with meals (and only one cup of juice - if he drains it he gets water thereafter) and water between meals and he gets to eat fruit between meals - with the occasional fruit bar if he has been eating well that or on the days he goes swimming or playing football something more calorific like a hot cross bun. If he has been really good with his food all day, he gets a treat - like a biscuit or abit of chocolate. We've also occasionally surprised him with breakfast in bed (hot cross buns all round) for the family and picnics (where he gets to pick what he wants to eat from a selection of foods). Amazingly his eating has improved beyond all recognition - he asks for cereal in the morning and eats it all by himself (generally wolfs it all down), sometimes helps us decide what he should have for lunch or dinner and generally eats well. He does have off days when he doesnt eat well (generally when we're away from home for the weekend or at another person's place where there is something more interesting than food going on or if he is presented with different food stuffs where he doesnt like the texture) but we're getting there. Good luck to you.