2.6yo behaviour regressed since having twins

[bebsy]

I have a 2.6yo and 7mo twins. Before the twins, she used to be miss independent, she'd feed herself, get herself dressed and when she used the toilet she used to like doing what she could herself. Since the twins, she wants me to do these things for her, which I have been doing because as far as i know, this regression in behaviour is normal. I thought if I did it all for her, it would build up her confidence to start doing things for herself again. However, she still wants me to do everything for her and I'm a bit worried about her getting dependant on this. I've tried encouraging her to try to do things herself again, but maybe I'm not being creative enough (I ask her in many different ways!)

So, does anyone have any ideas about how to encourage her to do things for herself again please? Or is it still too early for her to come out of this phase? Do i need to just go with it for a bit longer? I know she can still do these things as she'll occasionally do things for herself, so I'm not trying to force her to do things she can't. It'd be good if she could even feed herself say once in the day, as 3 mouths to feed in one sitting sometimes gets a bit much!

Could you class the doing things for her as 'being a baby' and still allow it to a degree? (oh, yes, you are my little baby, shall i feed you? now it's time to be a big girl and I will feed the twins). If it's any consolation, my dd has done the same sort of thing - especially with the toilet where I think she realised it's the one thing I drop everything for...

I tend to go with it, unless I physically can't and then say, 'dd, I can't! look - my hands are full etc'.

Don't forget, at 2.6 she is quite young to be doing everything herself anyway - some of my friend's kids aren't getting dressed/toileting completely independently aged 3. She is still your baby.

(PS congrats, and hats off to you with a toddler and twins!)

I think I was hoping she'd eventually just go back and do the things she used to before the twins came along. She didn't do everything herself all of the time, but she liked doing alot of it most of the time. I assumed she'd gone like this because of her new brothers, I didn't realise it happened anyway, so I think maybe it's a case of just carrying on as we are - trying to do as much as I can when she asks and letting her know when I can't. I think maybe I do sometimes forget that she's still a baby, with her being the eldest (gonna be guilt ridden now!)

Although, she can definitly still do these things. Her cousins were over today and she got herself dressed to join us on an easter egg hunt (even after I asked her if she wanted any help getting dressed) and she ate her lunch and dinner with them and didn't once ask me to feed her! Behaviour like that is why I'm confused!

Cheers Umlellala - it's hard work but so nice when things haven't gone pear shaped!

My DS (2.4) is the same at the moment. I had DD (8mths) when he was just 19mths. He will spend ages trying to do something independently then want me to feed him. As it got a bit worse for a while and he kept saying things about his sister being a 'baby' I'd say 'you're my baby' and give him a cuddle and it's got a bit better. Tonight as he was going to bed he cuddled up on my lap and said 'I'm a baby boy'. I said, 'night night baby'. He'd been really independent all day so maybe just needed a bit of a reassurance that he's not really a grown-up yet!

Haven't been on MN in a while what with illnesses and general madness so haven't been able to reply.

Thanks Shylily, it's reassuring to know that other kids do this too - I was beginning to think she was just being awkward at times! I do something similar with her. She used to tell me she was a baby so I started telling her she's my baby girl and the twins are my baby boys which made her happy. I guess she must have been wanting the same kind of reassurance as your ds, although at the time I just thought it was because of the arrival of the lads. Didn't realise it was also probably because we kept telling her she was a big girl now, in an attempt to make her feel all important and clever.

Since my last post she's actually started dressing herself the majority of the time again and feeding herself more often too. She still wants me to take her to the toilet all the time but I can't complain as she's doing so well with the other stuff.

There are still times it all clashes though and she refuses to do it at the time I need her to. I feel sorry for her sometimes as I can't always give her the attention she needs as I sometimes find it difficult spreading myself between the 3. Then I feel sorry for the twins aswell for not always getting the stimulation they need. Some days it feels like we just go through the motions of making sure everyones fed and clean and don't get to have much fun along the way. Other days are class and we have a fantastic time doing something or another.

Is it the same having 2?