Misbehaving for attention

[auntyspan]

My DD1 is 3.2 and since the birth of DD2 (5 weeks ago) we're having major problems with her. She's cottoned on to the fact that if she's naughty, she gets attention, and consequently both me and DH are at the end of our tethers. She's chucking books off shelves, having major tantrums in public places - but also things like telling me she needs a wee, about 4 mins after I've started feeding DD2. So I stop feeding DD2, take DD1 to the toilet and she has about a teaspoon of wee.

Do we just ride this out, and put it down to the upset of DD2's arrival, or do we stop the things she likes (books at bedtime etc etc) until she gets the message?

Oh I feel for you. It's tricky isn't it? I think you might just have to go with this for now and hope that once she understands that she still gets your attention she will calm down and this will die out.

Have you tried all the other things I've seen recommended, like having a box of special toys for her that just appears at feeding time? Or sitting her down next to you to read a book while you're feeding? (Not that it worked for mine, but that's not what you want to hear I guess!)

Try and play down the attentions she gets for being naughty but obv stop her doing anything that might cause harm to herself, but do it with minimum fuss and communication.

But big up what she can do to help you look after her little sister i.e. fetching nappies, singing to baby when she is getting fed/changed. Choosing babies outfits.

Get her her own baby doll and buggy, so she can be like mummy and tell her what a special girl she is and how clever she is helping you.

And make sure she has at least an hour one on one time with just you. Leave baby with DH and spend an hour bathing her and reading and talking at bedtime.

This is absolutely normal.

Birth of second child is an ideal opportunity for dad to start taking lots more time with the first child.

On a practical note - it is worth making sure you take dd to the toilet before feeds. Then produce the special book/toy/dvd that is only for feeding time, or if dad is around, he takes her away for a game or something.

It does get better - you just need to plan more when you have the second one.

Hi.....thanks for link on post natal thread.

Its exactly like in our house....dd 3.4 and ds 8 days old and she is relatively good, but has started to back answer and be really cheeky!

Then when I discipline her and eventually get through to her, she cries out for mammy cuddles

I involve her in everything we do, and have lots of one to one time, doing puzzles and magazines etc.
Tonight we had a bath together and I did her hair and read her a story.
She also has her own doll and I encourage her to feed/burp/bath/change nappies etc and it seems to be working.
one of the problems we have, is that she is used to being outdoors and going for walks with the dogs, but at the moment I am way too sore to walk anywhere due to my episiotomy, so everytime I sit down to feed ds she asks to go for walks.

We are using friends and family to have her for a few hours so I get a break, otherwise I would be abreaking point. Tommorrow she is having the day at grandmas house, so I will get a chance to rest breasfeed all day!

My/our approach is to maintain the discipline, whilst giving loads of positive praise (going to get reward chart)

HTH Good luck x

Thanks Lilymolly - I like the doll idea, I've given DH a list of stuff to get from ToysRUs at lunchtime, heaven only knows what he'll come back with

We'd thought of the reward chart too. Have ordered one off ebay as I'm so incredibly lazy...

DD1 is in nursery today and tomorrow and we had her in yesterday too as an extra - if we could afford it I think we;d have her in there full time for a few weeks, she really enjoys it and is so happy when she gets home. She gets so frustrated when it's just me, the baby and her. It'll get better when I can drive I guess (6 weeks are up on Sunday).

I think you have to ride it out a bit

It's a MASSIVE adjustment for the older sibling... I once heard it described as being like your partner moving their lover in, and you having to like it or lump it

DD1 went a bit peculiar too when dd2 was born... zero listening, deliberate wetting, 'naughty' behaviour

I just had to be mindful of giving her plenty of 1:1 time when dd2 asleep or whatever

They do get used to it

Personally I'd shy away from sending her full-time to nursery. She might (sub-consciously even) feel 'pushed out'... and lets face it, the baby is here to stay and she's gotta get used to it!

DD1 asked me a couple of weeks after dd2 was born when we were going to "take her back and get a different one"

I had teh same thing, a new DS2, well, he is 18 months now, and we both work,a nd trying to fit in housework meant that if DS1 sat in front of the TV, we were really happy. BUT he got really naughty, wouldnt eat his food, kept screamign at us, demanding to be read 50 million books at bed time... So thankfully we potty trained him, and the necessary attention and praise he got has REALLY calmed him down. He doesnt scream any more, he has 1 or 2 books at night, and he is such a good boy. We also stopped doing any chores till he went to bed, and my DH stopped crashing in front of the laptop int eh kitchen, thus spending more time with DS1. All i can advise is a sticker chart for good things, and lavishing attention on her. Dont ban things, or take her things off her, that's just not nice. Can you do somethign alone togetaher on saturday or sunday mornings, or whenever your younger child is easier to handle, and give the baby to Dh for 3 hours? Have one-on-one time with your daughter instead?