Violent 2 year old

[Broodymomma]

I am at the end of my tether with my son and am looking for advice please. He has just turned 2 and since he could lift his hands has been a hitter. I have tried everything to get him to stop and have a zero tolerance policy with him now when he hits. If at home he goe sin the corner and if we are out we go straight home.

2 days ago we attempted a playdate with some of my friends which ended in him scratching the hell out of a 7 months old babies face and bighting a chunk out of a 3 year olds face. I am normally 2 seconds behind him at all times but he was just too quick for me. I felt awful. The parent posted the pics on facebooks of the injuries her kid sustained and i am totally mortified at what my son has done.

I have taken him to see the hv when he was about 18 months regarding behaviour but they said it was a phase - nobody seems willing to help when i say i dont think its a phase he has been like this since he could lift a hand.

I hate that people dont want their kids around mine and i completely understand why they dont want him to visit - i wouldnt want him round my child if he was not mine!

He behaves at the childminders with the other kids but thats the only place. I want people to see the adorbale little man i know he is but when out all they see is this awful little monkey who seriously hurts thier kids given half a chance.

What do i do to stop this as i cant take much more of it?

Thank you x

It is just a phase but really horrid to live with

You are doing the right thing by hovering really close and being ready to whip him away/parry the blows. If he was too quick then you need to sharpen up your reflexes

He is a bit young for the naughty step I feel

How often do you get outside where he can run run run ?

Mine needed running at least twice a day come rain or shine, or they were unbearable

Social skills need time to develop he is still just a baby really so don't despair

Lol at your username!

He is outside loads. It was outside the last incident happened - huge garden they were all running round nicely chasing eachother i let my gaurd down for a second and he ran over to the only baby sitting and just went for his face - 3 huge deep scratches - i ran over he ran off and as i picked up the baby he bit the big brother!

2 years though - is this honestly a phase? I seriously do not know another child like him. He is my only child so i just dont know how to handle this anymore.

i agree that it's a phase, but it is really difficult. and it can last a long time.
i think you're doing all the right things by just preventing as much as possible, and removing him from the situation when he does hurt other children.
I think your friends are being a bit mean by not wanting him around, after all there but for the grace of god...
maybe make it clear to them that they are welcome to intervene if they see him about to do something and you aren't there?? then they'd feel a bit better?

I do think though, that if you are genuinely worried that it isn't just a phase then take him to see the GP and see if they can refer him to someone who knows about this stuff. better to be referred and be told he's normal than not to go and it turn out to be something more

Thanks so much, i have been stressing over it more so because of other peoples reactions to him when i feel i am doing all i can to stop him. I do take his hands and say "no we do not hit, it is not nice to hit and mummy does not like it"... I have been consistant for 2 years with him but its not sinking in. The only thing i could link it to with him is frustration as he is very slow to talk and i have read that it can cause frustration with them..

Tis normal but as you found out vigilance is key

Also it could be that he has discovered that this behaviour gets him lots of attention ?

So - whip him into your arms away from the first sign of hitting/biting/scratching, plonk him down away from other chilren, say No firmly then ignore him, no eye contact or chat for just a couple of minutes, then back to interacting with him. Catch him being 'good' masses of praise

Tanya Byron's Tiny Tearaways are sometimes re run on sky, you could have a look for them for more tips on managing toddler behaviour

yeah i found that rather upsetting if i am honest but her attitude is boys will be boys and found it funny. I did not, a few of our other pals with kids mine has hurt before have all commented and the whole thing has just got to me as i just dont know how to stop it. As someone said before though but for the grace of god it could be their child doing it next week.

I have been so where you are now - I promise it will pass!

Mine used to pick the blondest most beautiful in the room and gouge/bite or just attack. Was reffered to as "Jaws" by some cow bag of a mother.

We tried all sorts of politically incorrect things and nothing really worked. he just grew out of it. Now is lovely boy (who knew!)

Keep strong,consistent and drink wine - oh and remember all so that you can guilt trip him into a fab nursing home when you old and have breast cheese!

perhaps you can have a chat with your cchildminder to see what her secret is?

if she gets him to behave then she must be doing something right...

i have a 20mnth old who has started doing the same thing, and it is fustrating so i understand how you feel.

good luck

Depending on your relationship with your friends, could you ask them to help discipline your boy? I only mention this, because when mine were younger (I have 3), they used to pay a lot more attention to someone else telling them off than me - my sister and I used to say "I'll do yours, you do mine".

It's tricky and you need to be comfortable with it, but if lots of people tell him that it's not allowed then maybe the message will sink in. He is only little though so it would have to be done carefully - you don't want him to end up completely crushed!

Explain to your friends how you feel, you need their support not their condemnation, and after all it's not something you're encouraging or pleased about is it, so they shouldn't be judging your parenting like that.

Normal phase. He will almost certainly grow out of it, although it may be a while yet (sorry ).

DS was 3-ish when he stopped biting, 3.5 when he stopped hitting all the time and at 4 yrs old is pretty much OK, although still a bit 'pushy and shovey' in the playground. You are doing all the right things so far, but I would say that it is worth steering clear of very stressful situations with lots of children - parties, softplay etc. Not worth it.
You could ask your HV for a referral to be assessed for special needs, but I doubt they would do this at such a young age if you have no other worries about his development.

I do sympathise so much, though. The only thing that got me through was a couple of really supportive friends with a sense of humour who continued to want to meet up on playdates and would help me watch DS like a hawk and not freak out if he did strike.

p.s. The woman who posted pics on FB sounds as barmy as hell. Steer clear.

I totally empathise with you right now, because I was on here posting a very similar story of my own DS a few months ago (he was 17mo at the time). My DS is now nearly 2yo and is out of the 'hitting' and 'grabbing faces' stages now, it hardly ever happens when we go to the playpark or for a play date with other kids. I know it's easier said than done, but please don't worry, it honestly is just a phase. You are doing the right thing being right behind him at all times, and that's what you need to keep doing. Even now I do it as a precaution. Feels awful, almost like you are pre-empting their bad behaviour by hanging over them, but it has to be done. I felt awful when my DS attacked other babies and toddlers, really mortified. It is just a phase though.

Thanks so much all of you for your responses its good to know i am not alone. I honestly feel like i am at the end of my tether with him sometimes and have started to feel like i resent him when he is the only one who seems to cause havoc amongst all the kids. You guys have made me put it into perspective though and i have decided for my own piece of mind to see the HV as I am starting to worry about his lack of speech and he has not been seen in over a year so may aswell just see what they think.

Luminous special thanks to you - you gave me my first laugh of the day with your breast cheese comment!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx

Thanks so much all of you for your responses its good to know i am not alone. I honestly feel like i am at the end of my tether with him sometimes and have started to feel like i resent him when he is the only one who seems to cause havoc amongst all the kids. You guys have made me put it into perspective though and i have decided for my own piece of mind to see the HV as I am starting to worry about his lack of speech and he has not been seen in over a year so may aswell just see what they think.

Luminous special thanks to you - you gave me my first laugh of the day with your breast cheese comment!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx

Just wanted to add my support. I have had a DS who used to get bitten, and a DS who was a biter/shover/scratcher at the same age as your son. I know which feels worse, when you are doing your best. It felt like I was always the one rushing across the room to rescue some situation.

He is a lovely boy, though, now, and very sociable. I have a theory that sometimes kids don't always do this out of anger or to get what they want, but in a very misguided attempt to make contact.

You have had great advice on here. I know how hard it is, but try and take the heat out of the situation. He is a normal boy, and will not turn out to be a monster and IT WILL PASS. I would also say, avoid the worst situations (I couldn't go to soft play with mine), watch for tiredness and over-excitement.
frostyfingers I have never heard of doing that - it sounds like a really good idea.

The woman who posted on facebook is not really a friend IMHO (though I can understand how shocking it is to have your child bitten)

I've been through this with my dd. It is awful, tiring and you just want to enjoy your time with your child and friends but it always ends up ruined and you feel upset.

Have you had your son's eyes tested? My daughter failed her eye test at 3 years and we found out that she was very very long sighted. I know it seems unbelievable but we were genuinly surprised to get that result, - how could we not know? but apparently that is normal and common.

dd wears glasses all the time but it accounts for a lot of her previous behaviour.

I agree posting pics on facebook is out of order a true friend would sympathise not ridicule.

Oh by the way my dd didn't start talking til almost 3 years,and crawling / walking til 18 months which could be a result of not clearly seeing faces to mimick mouth movements and sounds and of course working very hard to try and work out what's going on around her rather than developing speech and walking alongside most others.

goldenhair That' really interesting. It seems terrible to me that round here they don't routinely do eye tests.