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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How can I help DS (5) get over his dog phobia?

15 replies

basementbear · 03/04/2009 12:39

not sure if this is in the right topic but anyhow ...

DS2 is petrified of dogs. He would literally run into the road if he saw even a tiny dog on a lead coming towards us. He was definitely not as bad last year - just a bit wary - but since the weather has been nice we have been to the big local park a couple of times and it has been a disaster. He will just run off as soon as he sees a dog coming, or cries hysterically if one comes near. We walk to school and generally pass several on the way so every day it is a nightmare. There are quite often one or two tied up by the gates outside school which makes it incredibly difficult to get him to go in.

DS1 used to be a bit wary too, never as bad as DS2 and has since grown out of it, but DS2 has a real phobia.

Anyone been through this? Any advice?
Many thanks

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SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 03/04/2009 12:45

Do you have any friends/nice neighbours with calm friendly dogs who are used to being around children?

I'd visit them with ds and slowly introdue him to the dog i.e. first just with the dog in the room and ds on your lap, then ds sitting alone, then call th dog closer etc.

Original poster

basementbear · 03/04/2009 13:06

Unfortuntately, we don't know any friends with dogs! It's a good idea though - there is a very gentle dog who comes along to DS1's after-school football, always on a lead and I have seen a few of the little ones stroking it. Perhaps I will gradually edge DS2 closer to the Mum and Dog while DS1 is playing.
Thanks!

OP posts:

purpleduck · 03/04/2009 13:18

Agree with SSSS - also maybe get some nice picture books of dogs. If you child gets really upset at just a photo, then I would go to a professional TBH.

I'm going to go before the dog haters come along...
Good Luck!

Haylstones · 03/04/2009 13:25

My 5 year old dd is just like this.
I have tried getting her to be comfortable round familiar dogs mainly our neighbours' dogs)and whilst she is still hesitant round them she will stroke them and talk to them. However, it has had no effect whatsoever on her fear of dogs she doesn't recognise. She can cope with passing them as long as she can stand between me and ds's pushchair with my arms around her or if she can't get there in time she will run as far away as possible -luckily we only ever walk on footpaths so there are no pavements/ roads to contend with. It's so sad when she tries to be brave by saying 'I'm just letting the doggy pass, mummy, I'm not scared of it' as she legs it 200 yards in the opposite direction.
We had our own dog until she was 2 and she was devoted to her. She was very surprised when we were walking home from school last week with a friend who didn't freak out when a dog passed us...
I hope you get some advice on here as I could do with reading it too!

Original poster

basementbear · 03/04/2009 18:44

Thanks Haylstones, sorry you are going through this too! We went to the park today after school with a few friends as we broke up early for Easter - of course there were loads of dogs about and it was an absolute disaster! Fine when we were in the playground but the walk there and back through the park was very tense!!

Purpleduck - he doesn't mind pictures in books, in fact I might see if I can get some nice friendly-dog books from the library, see if that helps ...

OP posts:

heyvick · 10/04/2009 08:14

Do you have a pet shop near you with puppies there? Perhaps you could take him in and show him those. He may not feel so intimidated starting with puppies as opposed to full grown dogs?
I work as a child carer, and on our trips out, we see dogs all the time. We have some basic rules - first they must ask the owner if they are allowed to pat the dog, they learn how to pat the dog from the head down to the back, and if a dog does give them a lick and the child looks a bit frightened, I make a big fuss of them about the dog giving them 'puppy kisses'. When they think they're being kissed instead of licked, they find this a lot more reassuring.

hotcrosspurepurple · 10/04/2009 08:31

my daughter was exactly the same
the day she jumped in the road to avoid a dog coming towards her and narrowily missed getting knocked over was the day I realised I needed to do something about it
so every time we saw a dog, I would comment on it, "look at that lovely dog" we would say hello to the dog and the owner
then, I progressed to stopping and talking to the dog and owner (a bit mad but, luckily, most dog owners are nice caring people)
then I would ask if we could stroke the dog
it did get to the stage where a simple walk out would take bloody ages, once we had stopped and spoken to every dog
but, by the time she started school and we met a dog on the way every morning, she was cured
the dog we met every morning was called Penny and they used to run to greet each other across the park, made me fell very good
the dog used to get DD a birthday card evry year and DD would draw pictures and make it xmas cards etc, right up until she went to high school
so just because he ahs a dog phobia now, doenn't mean he will have it forever, you can help him overcome it

MargaretMountford · 10/04/2009 08:42

ds has always struggled with a fear of dogs (cats too,come to that) He is 11 now and is very much better - fine with cats if he knows them,but wary of dogs generally. We tried hypnotherapy when he was 9, but he was too young really..think children need to be over 10. What he has done is a kind of self therapy and has immersed himself in all things doggy..he has several toy dogs and lots of dog books and has sponsored a dog at the Dogs Trust - he is so much better now (he would run into roads to avoid dogs)but there is still a long way to go.

duchesse · 10/04/2009 08:43

What worked for ours was meeting and living next to a really lovely, calm dog for a year. They weren't exactly phobic, but my 4 yr old did jump into a road once to avoid a spaniel walking along on a lead on the pavement. I think I'd advise seeking out good dogs for familiarisation purposes, and bit by bit explain that some dogs are exuberant, and that some are scared, etc.... gradually break down the dog personality and explain how to handle them and he'll start to feel more confident.

hotcrosspurepurple · 10/04/2009 08:49

MM
we sponsored a dog at dog trust too
we visited and took it for a walk, it was called Kenco
it died after a fight in the kennel

duchesse · 10/04/2009 08:51

Ooh, good idea hotcross- you can also volunteer at the RSPCA to walk their dogs. If you went with a nervous 5 yr old you'd have to be certain you weren't getting an "experienced owner only" type dog to walk.

MargaretMountford · 10/04/2009 08:52

we can't visit ours (he's called Phil) because he isn't comfy with strangers,which would rather defeat the point to ds trying to get used to dogs !! I am planning to get a rescue dog (greyhound or whippet) as soon as we can..

fullmoonmum · 10/04/2009 12:00

I loved dogs but always scared of dogs I didn't know [ bitten twice as a child - I think they sensed my fear]. I once vomitted after passing a barking dog.
If a child runs a friendly dog will chase thinking they are playing and if they are not friendly they will pursue.
However determined that son wouldn't be the same - and from a tiny child I did the same as hot cross purple. He is fearless with dogs and they seem to obey completely
We now have a lovely lab and have completely conquered most of my fears - except the really scary dogs with studded collars.
If a child runs a friendly dog will chase thinking they are playing and if they are not friendly they will pursue.
What about contacting Pets as Therapy - they have volunteers with really calm dogs that visit hospitals, schools etc. They may have a local volunteer you can visit and gradually introduce the dog.

lingle · 10/04/2009 21:13

Basement,

My school, and I believe many others, do not allow dogs to be tied up near the gate.

Might be worth raising with the head.

KingCanuteIAm · 10/04/2009 21:44

I second contacting someone who works with dogs in a professional capacity. Not someone who has "had dogs all their life" because they may not fully understand the complications but someone like Pets as Therapy who will have a very real knowledge of the dogs they use and some knowledge of how to handle people who are fearful.

It is easy to suggest exposure as a therapy but you have to be confident that it will never, ever go outside your childs comfort zone or you will go backwards not forwards (as I am sure you will realise). Again, lots of positive encouragment is great but dogs do sense and react to fear and they can find young children quite stressfull in any case, the last thing you need is for your ds to work up the courage to stand next to a dog only to have it bark at him because his fear makes them tense IYSWIM.

Oh, if you have access to any children of ds age who are confident with dogs (and understanding about a person who is not) it may help (later on) for him to just be around them interact with a known dog. If he sees his friend getting on happily then it may help him take that next step IYSWIM.

I went through a stage of being very frightened of dogs after a couple of bad experiences and had to work hard to get through it myself. As an adult I could rationalise and talk myself through a situation, I could knowingly put myself in a position to help all of which mean I am a lot better than I was before although not "cured".

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