How to boost self esteem in a young 4 year old?

[ksld]

DS is a Summer born 4 year old who has not 'taken off' at school at all. He had problems settling, and still finds lunch and play time a real ordeal.
At parents evening we discovered he is a little behind on the EYFS goals for literacy and other things.
He is losing confidence all the time, and getting more shy and more defeated. He seems to realise now that he is not achieving, and just gives up almost straight away. I have tried to tell him that he has to practice at some things, and it takes time, and we praise him for effort etc.

He has one really close friend at school, and they have a rather unhealthy relationship where she completely dominates him, and the school are trying to help him move away and into other friendships, but always with the proviso that he needs her there because he is finding it so hard, and he depends on her. She is really taking off and doing very well at school, and is also physically more able than him. So now he feels even more defeated because he can't compete with her on any level.

The only way I can think to boost his self esteem is to find something he is good at, but at the moment there is nothing he does better than this friend. I think starting something new could just cause more problems as he struggles to learn how to do it? How can I help him feel better about himself?

Does he have any friends his age out of school? My DD is the same age and had a speech delay which initially caused her problems as she would be very physically affectionate which the other children didn't like having got past that stage. I am glad for you that the school are trying to help in a positive way it can make so much difference. I was just wondering if you could take him to football classes or such like (whatever is popular with other boys in your are) this may help give him confidence. Martial arts are also supposed to be good.
Is the school doing the foundation years system where it is mostly play or is it still the classroom environment? Since our school have implemented this they have found it has helped the boys especially.
Sorry no brainwaves here but couldn't leave it unanswered.

QueenFee thanks for the reply.

He has no friends outside of school - we live in a village and all the local children go to the same school. Any ideas how I can find out about Martial Arts? Can they start at 4? I am trying to find him something else to do - but there are no extra curricular activities at school for the littlest ones, Beavers doesn't start until they are 6...

invite few friends after school - always helps to bond after school

try local leisure centres/ swimmingpools / village halls. they often have things on their notice boards. I will second playdates once they click on to a certain game they play it wherever they are. Try googling it too. Suprising what you can find that way!

I feel sorry for your little boy,but it's great that you're trying to help him. I strongly believe that 4 is very early for many children to start school and am planning to keep my two boys out for as long as I can, possibly with a view to HE for the first few years. Also they don't legally have to start until the term after they turn 5.

I've read that boys sometimes find it harder than girls to adapt socially and also struggle with fine motor skills etc. Many sources, i.e. Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys book say that boys benefit from delayed formal schooling, aged around 7. This is around the age when they start in places like Scandinavia and Germany, and the NUT also advocates this (not that the govt is listening, sadly).

Basically I worry that early schooling will make my boys feel like failures before their education has really started.

So - if your little one is really struggling and losing confidence I'd consider taking him out and putting him back when he's more mature and ready for it. I know lots of people who HE and have done this with positive results.

ksld - apart from the age and I've got DD you could be talking about my DD. She's 5 and is also a summer baby. She initally loved school but since being in year 1 has sturggled with her confidence. Her best friend is October born, so the age difference can cause alot of problems. Her friend is very dominent and does controll my DD.

I've spoke to the teacher many times re this. I also have tried to get her to do outside schhol activites but she has then started being shy and refusing to go.

I too have invited over a number of class mates on various occassions to try to increase her soical circle.

I was rerally worried about her as she was getting really upset re some of her school work. Although we are told bar handwriting she is on track for everything.

She does seemed to have turned the corner last week, as she stood up to her best friend, which seems to have given her some confidence.

It is hard and all I can say is keep telling him how wonderful he is and maybe invite some other school friends round without his best friend.

Good luck