7 months old becoming very clingy.... any advice?

[rebee]

DS is a little treasure but is becoming incredibly clingy with me.

When dad is around he can distract him and I can go out and leave him with him. But when it's just me he wants to be held ALL the time, sometimes I might get away with putting him down to play with his toys for about 3min before he becomes very distressed and wants to be picked up.

I don't know why this has started, he rarely cried before and was happy to play on his own. Dad puts him down to bed each night and he drifts of peacfully... this is all very confusing.

I know that babies go through a clingy phase around 9months and I always thought I would be able to handle it as I am an advocate of tough love. But his cries are so desperate and heartbreaking that I do pick him after a minute or two of crying.

Has anyone been through this and can offer advice as to why this happening and what is the most effective way to manage this behaviour?

It's really common for them to have separation anxiety and it can start from around 7 months.

He has just realised that he is separate from you and therefore that you could leave him.

My dd was like this for a while and I couldn't even go in the kitchen to make a cup of tea. She still is like this sometimes if she's tired.

I think all you can really do is go with it and give them the attention they want. Trying tough love with this is the wrong thing to do because what he needs is reassurance and the phase will eventually pass.

Also, you can practice leaving and coming back. So, go out of the room for a little while saying bye bye and then come back in and give him a big cuddle. This is to get them used to the idea that you go away but you come back. Hiding games and peek a boo are also good for this.

If she's being especially clingy and I need to do something important I have been known to put Cbeebies on to distract her.

I had this and found that saying the same phrase of 'you're ok, I will be back in a minute' helped. She associated the words with me going out and coming back iyswim. Once this happened I started to lengthen the time away until she could crawl and follow me
I have used tough love twice and have not had issues with this since. I believe that picking children up the minute they whinge/tantrum (yes children can tantrum for attention at 7mths) makes them realise that the more fuss they kick up the more attention they get IMO

Sorry, but it is completely normal. The best thing to do is just to roll with it and cuddle him right back. Not doing so is just going to result in him getting upset.

I think the theory is that children are biologically programmed to get separation anxiety around the time they become mobile. It kept them safe from wandering off and being eaten by sabre tooth tigers millions of years ago. It's evolution at it's most basic so there's probably not much you can do about it.

Responding reliably and reasonably quickly to a baby's emotional state is one of the main things that is meant to lead to a baby developing a secure attachment to it's carer and later to other people. I'm actually quite a strong believer in tough love, but I think it should be kept for when it is developmentally and age appropriate. I don't really think its appropriate to apply tough love to an anxious 7 month old baby.

It might take a few months, but it will get better. There is no reason to think that a clingy baby at 7 months will turn into a clingy toddler or child. In fact the evidence suggests that if you meet the needs of a clingy child by reassuring them when they are upset, they are likely to be less clingy when they get older than babies who are not given this reassurance.

Tis fine rushing to pick up with 1 child but becomes a non-issue with 2.
Scenario of dd1 needing the toilet and insisting on washing her own hands, wiping own bits, finding items from bedroom to take downstairs all in slow time, cue for baby to get used to being left for 5 mins without screaming.
My friend used to take her child everywhere including to the toilet with her and this child screamed lots when left at 20mths.

My DS is 8 months and he has started to get clingy too, he wants to be held all the time too, coupled with the fact that he is teething like buggery it is a trying combination. I leave room with a bye bye and say "I will be one minute" and return with a "hi Mummy's back now" and give him a kiss. I also use curious george on CITV I have sky plussed when it gets too much and I need to eat my lunch in peace (all for the sake of my sanity.)

Thank you for your advice and ideas.

It was particularly helpful to have the behaviour described as separation anxiety instead of "clingy"; this has made me view the situation in a much more positive light.

awww, poor little mite think his mummy isn't coming back.. as if!

The other thing is that if he isn't crawling he can't move to see you iyswim. It does get better once they can hang around your legs like a terrier

This may sound corny but I think make the most of it! My ds is nearly 7 months & has always been 'clingy'. It used to stress me out but now I just think, the day will come when he's older and won't want to be cuddled and bounced! He'll be embarrassed to hold my hand to school etc lol! I'll miss it then and wonder why I complained

I seem to remember that dd2 was virtually glued to me for about three weeks at about 7/8 months.

I thought I was going insane by the end of it. I was sat crying on a night sometimes dreading the next day as she howled every second she was put on the floor untill she was picked up again. And then nothing would get done, as it's fairly hard to get on with housework with an 8 month old clung to you like a zoo monkey. Which would cause arguments with dh as the house was always a tip.

It was a phase it passed. She still likes a good cuddle when she is ill/tired, but now that she can move about on her own, she is happy pottering about the house while I get on with things.