Need advice re appropriate punishment for 4.5yo vandal

[MmeLindt]

We visited one of DH's colleagues today and our DS

• drew on the table (felttip on glass table so it wiped off easily, but he was not to know that

• hid the key of the guest WC in the garden. He first told us that he had not hidden it, then that it was in the large bush of colleagues neighbours. After 15 mins frentic searching by me, DH and two of his colleagues, DS told his sister that the key was really in the green wheely bin.

• was mean to the dog (our dog, not the colleagues)

What punishment would be suitable? We have made him apologise to the colleague and his wife for hiding the key. What else?

I should add that I took a box of toys and games with us to keep him occupied so it was nto that he was totally bored.

We are really at a loss at the moment. He used to be quite destructive, but recently has been better. Since about a week or so it has gotten worse again. Drawing on walls, cutting up things, being deliberately obstructive (going on a "go slow" when you tell him to do something, he will do it be he takes ages to do it, just to annoy us).

HELP!

I would say personally that it is too late, the reaction should have been at the time, embarrassment or not - at this age - saving it till later looses the connection.

I would however have a conversation with him about what you expect from him.

Perhaps another time get buy in from him about what you are going to do during the day - we are going some where not very child friendly for a few hours this is what I expect from you and when we get back we can go to the park or something like that - a clear reward for good behaviour.

Just my opinion though

There was not a lot we could do at the time except tell him off. We said that we would talk about it when we got home and decide on a punishment. Do you think that we should leave it now?

It depends on what sort of child he is - DS1 is going to be 5 in a couple of weeks and he would listen if we talked to him after the event but the punishment seems quite detached from the act.

THAT said - I do wonder if someone else would do things very differently - usually seems the case that no two families do things exactly the same

sorry you had a hard day!

You've made him apologise and talked to him about it, I'd leave it there for this incident. If as you say it is part of a pattern then each incident will need to be dealt with as it occurs

I would leave it. Then the next time you go anywhere tell him you're glad he's going to behave this time.

If he misbehaves at all, thing of an instant punishment. (having to stay next to you, toy away or some such) But more importantly praise him for any good things he does. he sounds like he is attention seeking so go back to the old, praise the good, ignore the bad.

Thanks guys. Will leave it for now. I do wonder if he is a bit out of synch with the clocks changing .

Had a couple of glasses of wine and a giggle with a friend.

Twas quite funny in retrospect, me on my tummy on the ground, searching the undergrowth for the key that was in the bin all the time.