Do all children find it hard to share to start with? Or do I have a little madam on my hands?!

[Caz10]

DD is only 16mths so I know she doesn't really understand a lot of what is going on around her, but I'm just worried she doesn't interact very well with other LOs. I think I'm a bit paranoid as I am a teacher and have seem some children in nursery/reception etc who were really poor at sharing etc and I would really hope dd doesn't turn out like that! BUT I have no experience of children this young prior to having my own dd.

We are lucky in that dh works shifts and can cover a lot of the childcare, other times grannies do it, so dd doesn't go to a nursery or childminder. But I am mindful that she doesn't really then see much of other children, so always try to take her to the swings/kids cafe etc when I'm off work. She is generally fascinated by other children and gravitates towards them, but recently has become quite stroppy around them and possessive over toys etc. Today she was smacking this other little girl's hand away when she tried to look at DDs book. I spoke to her and said she had to share etc but at 16mths she won't really get that will she?

Is this just something all children learn through experience? Any way I can help her with it? Thanks!

Oh, it's really normal - it's quite a hard concept to get to grips with, if you think about it, and it's a learned behaviour. Just keep encouraging her to share, and warn her ahead of time as much as possible that she'll have to share, esp. say if other children are coming to your house.

Be gentle with her, though - she doesn't know it's wrong, and will have to learn. DD is 2.5, and getting to grips with it, though it still goes against the grain for her at times!

Totally normal. My DD's the same (21 months). She doesn't really get sharing at all. It doesn't help that she has no siblings (yet) so doesn't get much practice and is very protective of her stuff.

She is just being to understand waiting her turn though (at the playground etc.) so she's getting there.

I try and distract her with something else when she starts getting possesive over her belongings.

Very normal. DD's idea of sharing is saying to her baby brother 'Sharing' and taking away whatever he has in his hands.

Totally normal! At that age sharing only applies when it's something to be given to them

DS1 bellows "share mummy" whenever I have something he likes the look of (like a credit card, glass of wine).

Actually I am being a bit mean, he is nearly 3 and getting very good, he even offered me a spoonful of his icecream today because he wanted to share it, but it takes a lot of time.

TBH there's times when Dh offers to share my pudding in a restaurant (having refused one himself) when I feel like bellowing "no! MINE!" and running off to eat it in the loos!

what the young visitor said, esp about not sharing what's mine, as an adult!

dd3 aged 2 bellows 'share' a lot at the top of her voice, having learnt that 'sharing is good', but what she means is 'give it to me now' !

Phew, thanks all. I just don't have experience of children this age, and she was really growling at the other girl this morning and saying NO NO when she tried to look at her book - the other girl wasn't much older and seemed happy to look at it alongside dd which seemed to make it worse! She's getting a bit physical with it too, so I don't want her knocking lumps out of the next kiddie that tries to play with her toys!

I don't think any babies really get the concept of sharing at 16 months. With my two DDs they only really picked up the whole sharing idea when they learned that there was actually something in it for them - i.e. when DD1 was close to 2 and a half she started really enjoying playing with other children (before that it was more playing alongside) and at that point she began to pick up on voluntary sharing - i.e. that it was more fun to share things and that it was worth while as your friends would play with you and they wopuld both have more fun. DD2 probably picked up on sharing rather earlier (she's now 2.2), but she can still get quite cross about it, however she has learnt the whole give and take thing from DD1 and knows that they have to take things in turn and that if she gives DD1 something she wants then DD1 is likely to do the same for her.

Totally normal not to know about sharing at 16 months.

DD (4.4) shares happily with children she really likes now. But it is quite recent.

be at least til she's three (and even then with problems)

start off with the concept of taking turns (she will be too young at this age) but we did at as a game with ours (mummy's turn, babies turn etc..)

good luck!

Am so glad to hear this! Hadn't thought about the link with taking turns, we do this already and she's getting the idea!

Literally every single person who has ever met her for more than 5 minutes in the past 3-4mths, from grandparents to almost virtual strangers, has made comments re her independent/stubborn streak/knowing her own mind etc. So I am bit worried about what the future holds!

that's a good sign...

just make sure she doesnt get slotted in as stubborn etc as if you exoect it she will live up to it!

independent is good. so is persevering, purposeful, strong-willed..can you tell both myself and DD share these qualities

yes my mum keeps reminding me how hard she had it with me being like that!

I just find it incredible that a 16mth old can have such firm ideas about what she wants/doesn't want etc, I suppose I had better get used to it! (gulp)

Good point noonki, I shall watch that, because EVERYONE mentions it, at some point she is bound to pick up on it.