Discipline advice needed - My small dc's are out of control - help!

[sickofthisrain]

I have a 3yr old and a 1yr old ds. They are an absolute handful at the moment, both have so much energy, won't sit still for long at all, and I spend my time literally running round the house after them clearing up chaos. Shopping trips with both are out, it's too stressful to keep them both under control. They will eat out at restaurants because we've somehow trained them to sit still there, and go armed with a bag of things to occupy them. It's mainly at home I have the trouble!

I know an element of this is totally normal, but it's got to the stage where I don't feel I can have people over, or go to others houses because I can't have a conversation, I'm just watching the boys all the time to make sure nothing gets wrecked.

I just want them to learn respect and some manners. I try to be firm and consistent, but it can take me saying no over and over to stop them doing things. They have brief time outs which works temporarily but the next day we're back to having sofa cushions flung around the room, the dvd cupboard ransacked, kitchen cupboards emptied and I'm at the end of my tether.

Does anyone else have this and what did you do?

have you tried reward charts or removal of toys etc with the 3 year old, or a combination of both?

Less wreckable environment?

i would also stop saying 'no' over and over with the older one. say it once as a warning, and then again, the third time there should a consequence to the behaviour.

Thanks choufleur. To complicate matters the 3 yr old has a language delay which means he is more like a 2 yr old in terms of understanding. Anything abstract such as reward charts don't work that well as he just doesn't get the concept, it has to be something there and then. I do remove his toys but it doesn't bother him for that long, he goes and gets something else to play with. If I confine him to a room, he'll shriek, apologise and then then it usually sorts it for the time being.

ds2 is another matter..

Beehive I think you make a good point. There are definitely certain things - the dvd cupboard at the moment - which appeal to them and drive me insane. I can leave breakables on the fireplace without fear though so it's not as though they're charging round wrecking everything I suppose. Maybe I am expecting too much.

ds1 has just started finding creative places to wee but that's a whole other thread. He's been potty trained for months and has been brilliant until this week. Now he seems to be looking for any receptacle to wee in and it's a nightmare!

i would just suggest being consistent. despite language delay i would still only say something a couple of time and then a consequence. I've been doing that for well over a year and my ds is not yet three. i don't care where we are either. time out can be done in shops (you just need a thick skin)

I work to a rule with my toddlers - I pick my battles. Toddlers need to explore the world, which generally means they make a mess.But if what they are doing won't hurt them, or someone else or won't break anything, I tend to let them do whatever they are doing because they soon get board and move on to something else.

Can I ask, how do you plan your week with your toddlers? Do you start Monday with an activity in mind for each day or do you go with the flow?

Choose your battles - if they want to empty the DVD cabinet and it's safe to do so, then maybe let them? No big deal really, just a bit of mess to pick up later. To a pre-schooler anything is fascinating and worth exploring, not just predetermined toys.

Don't keep saying no - it loses it's effectiveness and they just tune it out. Say no once firmly, a second time loudly and firmly with a warning if they do it again xxx happens, then third time do it (this works for my non-verbal developmentally delayed 5 year old so should work for your 3 year old.)

Get out of the house as much as possible, especially to have a gallop around a park or playground. Little boys are like dogs, they need far more exercise than you think they do!

Structure a loose routine into your day, eg out after breakfast, back for lunch, quiet time, play indoors, a bit of TV, dinner etc. Children tend to feel safe knowing what's coming next. If shopping give them jobs - they love to feel important eg you carry the list, you help me find 3 bananas, hold the trolley whilst we're walking and then you can get me the juice, and so on.

Most of all I think is consistency - they then realise that you're the boss and you will follow through on what you say.

I'm with sidge.

my rooms are battle-proofed, they get a good run out at least twice a day.

I tend not to get worked up unless one of them is bleeding

Mine are 2 and 4 and the supermarket trolley doubles up as a pirate ship and they look for the goods on my list (menu planned list cos this is mumsnet ) through telescopes they made themselves from toilet roll tubes.

If they don't get real physical excercise at least twice a day they tend to have mad (half) hours where they will charge around wherever we are, and I can do absolutely nothing to stop them. At all other times they are well behaved and respond well to me correcting their behaviour. But when they're in 'active volcano' mode with all their energy to wear off, its as if all the muscles in their legs and mouths take over and their ears don't work.

Absolutely agree with Sidge. I always go somewhere in the morning - playgroup, soft play, park, friends house etc so they have activity then lunch, then afternoon can be more relaxed as they have had a good run round in the morning.
I also bribe them to get round the supermarket. One trip to tesco's with sanity intact = one bag of Pom bears . I don't like it but you do what you have to do to get the job done. I also get them involved carrying and fetching things, trying to find the red apples etc