Help!! Almost 2 and refusing to eat most of the time....

[booreeve]

Hi I was hoping someone could give me some guidance. DS is coming up for 2, and has until the last month or so been a good eater, trying and liking most things. He has in the last month started to get really difficult at mealtimes. Breakfast is the only meal where there's any success, and it's usaully porridge, or toast, or cereal, or fruit (or any combination of those) I don't offer him any snacks throughout the morning. Lunch is normally dreadful! He has been refusing to eat or even taste anything. There are days where I'll go on and offer him pudding (fruit or yoghurt) and he's been generally refusing that too. Foods that used to be big successes are left untouched - he won't try anything new, and however "creative" I get in terms of presentation it doesn't get me anywhere either.
I'll give him a small bit of fruit in the afternoon which he'll eat, and then dinner is again a non-event. I'd say he'll eat some form of dinner 1 night in 3.

I'm finding it super frustrating, and not matter how much badgering, coaxing, leaving him be (have also naughty stepped him for not eating) nothing seems to be working.

I do still have him in his high chair - and I'm wondering whether this might be a contributing factor. I worry that if I present him lunch at his little table and chair, he'll just run around and still not eat - and then I worry about how on earth we'll ever eat out again!

do not use the naughty step for him not eating. it will be counter productive

i have a DD who has never been a big eater.

give him his meals, if he does not eat, get him down from the table and let him carry on playing.

why do you not offer snacks?

some children do far better with 6 small meals, or large snacks than 3 set meals

DD was happy to eat whilst sat in the pram while we were out and about, a little box of rice cakes, raisins, carrot, cheese etc etc

the frustration and then the attention he gets is going ot be enjoyable to him

he will not starve himself, i bet if you averaged out what he ate over a week, it would be a decent enough amount

if he has energy to run around and is happy, then try not to stress too much

try and eat as a family too, so at least if he is not eating he is with you all, and watching you

it is part of asserting his independence and pushing the boundaries

if this is a new thing, it will pass

From experience I would suggest you try and avoid all coaxing/cajoling/badgering and definitely not naughty step. I speak from bitter experience and I know how hard and frustrating it is to sit back and watch your child refuse food. Top tips:

Keep meals simple (for you, so that the frustration is not overwhelming)

Set a time limit and leave him to it

Keep it to foods you know he likes (no novelty at them moment)

Give him more control - serving himself, sitting at small table (doesn't matter if he runs around - you can do table manners later!), choosing between two items etc

Repeat over and over again "It's just a phase" and pour yourself a large glass of wine.

Chin up!

How much milk does he drink?

And agree with lulu re snacks. Your aim is to get good food into him. If a segment of apple, box of raisins, biscuit, breadstick get eaten you are acheiving that.

DS stopped doing meals at about 1 year old. He is nearly 4 and getting much much better but I have used snacks and picnic meals to introduce new foods and do not place huge emphasis on mealtimes (we sit down, but if he doesn't eat I don't worry).

Having said all that, I freaked out when he first started refusing and am convinced that my reaction exacerbated the problem hugely.

Is he drinking lots of milk, because that might be a very obvious reason why he has no appetite?

Sometimes I found that even if they had been hungry earlier, the "stress" factor - child asserting himself, me ticking off child for not eating - of the meal was enough to suppress his natural appetite. I think cortisol does stop you feeling hungry.

So you might have to back off completely and offer what appears to be counterproductive snacks (but of course they can be healthy ones, little sandwiches, apple, flapjack, babybels, hummus sandwiches, cheese scones)to get him back into thinking he likes eating socially with you.

I had the most terrible scenes with two year olds and found it was just a question of making mealtimes more relaxed, chatting, enjoying their company. We still have scenes when one child is in a barney about something else - it is not related to appetite really just other frustrations and powerstruggles.

So however other 2 year olds appear to behave sit nicely tuck into meat and three veg, just do what suits your 2 year old and don't get drawn into POWERSTRUGGLES.

Cooking, making food with child often works. Avocado Baby was a story that made my dcs all gobble up avocado!

oh i loved avocado baby ! it was one of my favourite books ever, adn i remember reading it to my little brother when he was young. I have a picture of DS covered in avocado and one of DD! it sticks well to the face, for that nice acovado beard look

I think not sitting at table is completely endemic in two year olds, unless of a VERY BIDDABLE disposition. Conversely, I think most kids in nursery care DO sit down because it is a fun group activity to do so, as do possibly children in large families who are absorbed by everything going on at the table.

I remember having someone to stay recently who brought all her 5 year old's food with her because she felt he would only eat those things (cheerios as opposed to any other breakfast cereal, special meatballs because he didn't like shepherd's pie etc etc) It was a powerstruggle that he had won. He was the centre of attention at every meal for refusing to eat certain things.

Thanks for all the advice - milk wise he's cut right back, he'll maybe have an ounce in the morning, hence porridge and cereal with loads of milk, and then he'll have about 5-6oz before bedtime (after dinner) So doubt that's filling him up. As for not doing snacks in the morning I felt I'd rather he wasn't full by lunchtime.

Meal times, I've mixed it up between more snacky style foods (little sandwiches, veg and dips etc) and more traditional stuff (spag bol, fish fingers, baked pots....) and it doesn't seem to make a difference.

I might try and feed him at his table later rather than his high chair to see if it makes a difference.

but if he is an active toddler, running around like crazy and on the go, he needs a snack between breakfast and lunch

i am an idle 30 something, and i need a snack between brekky and lunch !!

eating small amounts regularly might be better for him at this stage

not giving snacks is clearly not helping him eat lunch, so i would try the 6 small meals/large snacks approach and try eating with him

thanks I'll give it a whirl.....

Sorry, just noticed you wrote "feed him". Does he get his meals in front of him and then eat as he pleases or are you hovering? I'd opt for the former. I'm lucky as I look after 2 children the same age as my 22 month old DD so we all sit and eat together, including me, but even before the other children I would always eat with my DD. If she doesn't eat it's then no bother as a) I cooked for myself anyway and b) I know she'll eat when she's hungry.
That said the last few days she has insisted on leaving her high chair to sit on my knee - that's not possible though as then the others want to too so she gets cross. Yesterday tea time though I launched into a made up story about a dragon in the garden. It didn't make her eat any more (not bothered), but it did keep her entertained while the others finished up - we can't get down til all have finished.
I think the less bothered you are the better (even if secretly you are!!).
Oh, you can get booster chairs from Argos for £12 to fit on a normal dining chair so he can sit at the big table like everyone else, but is still strapped in.

Is his molars coming through I had this with DS and it was his teeth. It went on some time then sorted itself out when they were through.

Is his molars coming through I had this with DS and it was his teeth. It went on some time then sorted itself out when they were through.