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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What 'rules' do you have for 2yo eating up meals?

20 replies

stirlingstar · 25/03/2009 20:46

My 25 month DS1 is overall an OK eater, but quite fickle. Some mealtimes will eat most/all of what is presented, other mealtimes will refuse to have even a taste (even if it's something he's eaten with gusto before) and just demand yogurt/pudding instead.

What rules about this are appropriate for a 2 year old? I'm keen that he at least try what he's given (a couple of spoonfuls, say) - but what to do if he refuses before or just after having a taste? Go straight to pudding? Offer an alternative??

I've generally been giving him pudding (usually yogurt or fruit - whatever was originally planned) once he's had at least a tiny taste, but refusing the 'more yogurt' requests. I've sometimes given him a plain slice of bread as an alternative, as he wakes starving and very grumpy the next day if he doesn't eat any tea (though doesn't seem to bother him that evening). Is this giving in too much???

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cyanarasamba · 25/03/2009 20:59

DS is the same age and can be fickle. If your DS is overall a reasonable eater, I wouldn't worry too much. My aim at the moment is to be fairly relaxed but it may be that I need to toughen up a bit as time goes on!

We have no fixed rules, but I try to deal with pickiness like this:

Needs to eat maybe a quarter of the food before he can have yogurt/food.

I am realistic about what I offer - I know he's not great with a roast dinner, so only give this occasionally.

Sometimes if his initial reaction to the food is to push it away (maybe because he wanted fish fingers but it's - say - pasta), I will let him get down from the table and often he will go back to the food after a few minutes.

A trick that sometimes works is if I disappear to "fetch a yogurt" but take my time, he will often eat something while he's waiting.

It's nice to have a little friend to tea sometimes, they enjoy the company and will often eat better.

If he's eaten nothing I will skip pudding but give him a bit of toast as supper.

Hope this helps!

Loopymumsy · 26/03/2009 09:06

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MrsTittleMouse · 26/03/2009 09:15

I insist that DD1 at least tries everything on her plate. If it's something really new and we not sure if she likes it then I'll offer something boring instead. If it's something that she's eaten before then there is no substitute. She always gets pudding (yoghurt or fruit) but in limited amounts. Less dinner does not equal more pudding to fill up! I'll also not get pudding until we have also finished our dinner. I'm a slow eater and quite often while she's waiting for me she gets bored and eats some more. I have a "thing" about insisting that she finishes the dinner or pushing food on her, but we will do the "bite for Daddy, bite for DD1" thing if she's just a bit suspicious of something new and needs to know that we like it too.

Original poster

stirlingstar · 26/03/2009 22:46

Thanks all.

Loopy & MrsTM - do you almost always all sit down together for meals? We usually do for lunch (DH works from home) but probably less than half the time for tea, as DS tea time a bit early for us really. Am wondering if I should make the tea setting a bit more formal, as there's probably quite a lot of distractions quite often (people in and out of the room, me chopping carrots, baby fussing etc) and think he might be finding it harder when it's just him eating. Might also start sitting his younger brother at the table with him - only 3 months, but might help mark it out as 'childrens tea time'.

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Loopymumsy · 27/03/2009 08:46

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SarahL2 · 27/03/2009 09:17

My DH gets home quite late so DS (age 2) and I eat together and DH's goes in the oven to keep warm. DS definitely eats better when we're eating together. Loves it when I finish mine - "Mummy's all gone!"

I guide portions by using childrens plates (was told somewhere that 1 childs fist size = 1 portion) and more than half has to be gone before I'll give pudding - unless its something he's never had before. If he completely refuses a completely new meal, I'll make his something simple which I know he likes - maybe beans on toast etc..

Just like MrsTittleMouse there is no extra pudding to fill up if not a lot of dinner is eaten and no pudding at all if he's refused to eat any of something I know he likes.

I know it sounds harsh when written down but I kept track of what he'd eaten during a day for a while and soon realised that he wasn't going to starve if he missed dinner!

All in all, DS is good with food now and will eat most things...It's me thats the fussy one in our house!

Triggles · 27/03/2009 10:23

DS can be quite picky about what he eats - I always try to make sure there is at least one item on his plate that I know he will eat, even if it just a roll or piece of bread with butter on it.

rubyslippers · 27/03/2009 10:26

I don't have any rules except sit at the table and eat (we eat toegtehr where possible)

i don't believe in plate clearing and there is no concept of dessert as a reward for eating a main

DS is an excellent eater and will try most things

if he refuses dinner then he is offered fruit and/or toast plus yoghurt

IIRC, 2 is the classic age for toddlers starting to become fussy so it is anohter one of those delightful phases

rubyslippers · 27/03/2009 10:27

sometimes I don't want to eat a meal & just want toast and i think it is safe to assume that children are the same (at times)

Triggles · 27/03/2009 11:08

I agree with rubyslippers about the pudding. We don't generally have dessert after tea, unless it's fruit or yoghurt - and DS is allowed that whether he's finished his meal or not. My parents were very strict about finishing everything on your plate, and I always hated that, so I just don't do that. I agree that just like sometimes we aren't hungry for things, sometimes toddlers aren't hungry for things.

mileniwmffalcon · 27/03/2009 11:22

we don't do pudding either. if they're still hungry after eating they can have whatever's around - fruit, yoghurt, toast etc. but then i'm not sweet toothed, so i don't see it as any kind of deprivation. on occasion i will make a proper pudding in which case it's not conditional on having eaten x amount but i will usually serve smaller helpings or a lighter meal so they still have room.

Lindenlass · 27/03/2009 11:24

None whatsoever - I'd prefer them to learn to listen to what they're bodies are telling them they need. They can eat what and when they want. However, they have all fallen into the habit, as they've reached age 4, of eating most of their food at mealtimes like the rest of us do. And they all have a very, very balanced diet even though we don't dictate what and when they eat.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 27/03/2009 11:26

My DS is 2.7 and he sometimes just simply refuses to eat new things or any veg.

He eats lots of things that he likes, fishfingers, pies, tuna baked potato but how do you get him to try other stuff.

He just turns his head away and I can't even poke food in there for him to taste.

He loves fruit though.

If he doesn't eat a meal I tend not to give him pudding although DH is soft and will give him a yogurt.

Original poster

stirlingstar · 27/03/2009 14:08

Interesting - I don't think DS has a particular problem with new things and the 'no eating' tea times seem to occur with old favourites or new things fairly randomly. Overall (say over a few days or a week) he's eating a good varied diet.

I think I'm in the camp of not wanting to make an issue of clearing the plate, but at the same time do want to set an expectation that food should be tried (and there's an element in there of my effort being appreciated too). And you can't live life just on second helpings of yogurt.

Guess I've also been concerned that things might go downhill and all tea times will become bad ones, so want to formulate my policy now before that happens.

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Jojay · 27/03/2009 14:15

No rules here.

DS1 is 2.4 and is a bit picky.

He eats essentially what Dh and I eat, though I will do him something different if we're having something very spicy.

He doesn't have to finish his plate or eat a certain amount.

I always put something on his plate that I know he likes, but will put new stuff there too.

We dont' really do puddings, so no arguments there. He has a bit of custard just before bed every night with his asthma medication mixed in, but that's seperate from teh main meal, IYSWIM.

The only thing we insist on is that he sits at the table till we're all finished - we've gone back to strapping him into his chair again as he kept jumping off and running away!

MrsTittleMouse · 27/03/2009 14:17

I try to have us eat together. Sometimes it doesn't work because we're running late or exhausted, or want a nice adult dinner as a couple, but I think that it's a good goal. I want my DDs to see mealtimes as social times, and it's good for them to see us eating vegetables as they realise that it's something nice to eat that way.

When I was pregnant with DD2, it all when to pieces as I was completely disorganised, but it doesn't seem to have done much damage, and we're back in the habit now.

We also realised that DD1 really appreciates the conversation when we spent a dinner bitching about the economy. DD1 was a bit of a nightmare and really played up. And then I realised to my how boring it must have been for her.

mistlethrush · 27/03/2009 14:26

We have the no-pudding rule - but he doesn't have to clear his plate - as long as he has had a reasonable go, that's fine. If we didn't he would be quite happy to live on yoghurt (plain) and fruit in extremly large quantities. I'm not sure where he puts it, but now he's almost 4 he can eat adult sized portions quite regularly - and still want fruit and yoghurt afterwards

webby12345 · 01/04/2009 17:26

NEVER offer an alternative when you start doing that then every mealtime will become a battle, i give my children their tea and if they dont eat it they dont get a pudding then i take the plate away a put it in the oven ,i try again later to see if they will eat it and if not they are either not hungry or they dont like that food any more, then if they dont eat it i will offer them fruit or toast or cereal before bed so they dont sleep on an empty stomach but the way it works for me is dont offer an alterative and dont let them have pudding they will eat when they are hungary it sounds harsh but thats the way it works for me

ruddynorah · 01/04/2009 18:00

no rules. pudding even if she hasn't eaten much. i don't relate a pudding to the necessary eating of all savoury things IYSWIM. quite often if she asks for pudding i give it to her. she eats a bit of it, then eats a bit more main meal, then a bit of pudding etc etc. no differentiation between something sweet and treaty to something savoury and..less desirable (?). either way, she's a good eater and it does my head in when people try to coax her to eat more than she wants.

NellyTheElephant · 01/04/2009 20:23

DD2 is 26 months and generally a very good eater. I never make her eat anything if she doesn't want it, but I don't offer an alternative or any pudding / yogurt if she doesn't eat anything. She's well fed and is not going to starve if she doesn't eat again until her next meal! If for some reason she refuses to eat her lunch then I will probably offer her some fruit as a snack in the early afternoon as she's likely to get grumpy if she doesn't eat anything all day. If she doesn't eat her tea then I generally just give her a bit of extra milk at bedtime (she still has a beaker of milk after her bath).

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