What do you do to 'discipline' your stroppy (nearly) 2 year old?

[Lukesmammy]

My DS is 2 in a couple of days and whilst I know the strops and tantrums are all par for the course (been having them for about 8 months now), they are getting worse!

He has started to hit me when he doesn't get his own way or when upset y something. So far, I have just got down to his level, held his hand and said quite firmly that hitting Mammy is naughty and he is not to do that and then just walking away for a bit. Sometimes he follows and then sometimes he is upset that I am upset with him so after a few mins I give him a quick reassuring cuddle and then we carry on as normal.

Today though, we were at a playgroup and another little boy took the ball off him so I went to try and sort it out and when I picked him up he really hit me quite hard around the face so I did the whole - thats naughty thing, putting him straight down etc.

The thing is, he doesn't hit anybody else, seems to be just me for some reason! How does everybody else deal with this. I am embarassed to admit that I have shouted on a couple of occasions when he has caught me by surprise - he can hurt for such a small one!

I don't think the naughty step would work on such a little one?

TIA - am getting desperate and the tantrums are getting worse - he hits himself quite hard too.

Hi, little boys do hit out, something to do with the testosterone. I never experienced it with my dds. Don't make too much of a fuss, holding his hands firmly is good.Whenever my ds got irrational I put him in a safe place (porch in our case) and then went back periodically, telling him he'd get a cuddle when he calms down, and said sorry. If we were out, I put him in the car seat, following above procedure. Now he knows he'll be put in the porch if he's naughty or in the car if we're out, it works a treat. All family members must do the same. Good luck!

er hello - I know lots of children who have been put on the naughty step very sucessfully much younger. It might only be you he is hitting at the moment, nut it probably won't stay that way. Our naughty step follows us everywhere - theres one on every isle in asda... My children are 5, 3 and 15months. Its our only method of punishment - it takes a lot of perseverance at the begining but is well worth it.

sorry nut =but !!

naughty step worked v well with our 2 year old. If he is hitting you, he needs to learn why it is not acceptable and the only way to do that is to drive the message home when he is calm after 2 minute on the naughty step.

Really? I thought that he wouldn't 'get' the naughty step at his age. All that you have to stay there for x amount of time thing or am I getting the gist of it totally wrong? If I told him to sit on anything when he is in a strop he would just chuck himself on the floor, roll around, bash his head on the floor and run about!

KitKatqueen - how do you get yours to stay there?

kidowner - am liking the porch idea - I sort of do something similar where I pick him up an take him to the dining room, put him down where he can't hurt himself and then go into the living room but inevitably the little buggar just follows me shouting and screaming!

I have twins and we've been through a lot of biting/hitting. Sounds like you're doing the right things already-you just need to keep it up consistently and it will work. Removing him from the play situation or taking his toy away works well and shows him that there is a definite consequence for hurting others. I find 'time out' more useful than naughty step (don't like the word 'naughty' as it is meaningless - there's always a reason why kids do what they do. Maybe he hits because he lacks words to express what he wants? Or he is excited, etc).

Talk to your son and tell him that nobody likes children who hit. It hurts. Keep it simple. Say that if he does it again he will get time out. Next time he does it, remove him from the situation but stay with him as he is too young to be left on his own and anyway he probably won't stay put unless you stay with him. If he tries to escape, just hold him gently but firmly on your lap. When he's calmed down/had some time to 'think', talk to him about what happened in simple terms, i.e. mummy/the other boy don't like it when you hit-it hurts. It is not OK to hit others, etc. Try to help him find the words to express why he does it. Then make sure he apologises. If he won't, then keep him away from the play/toys until he does. It's early days, but if you keep it up you will teach him to express his feelings verbally instead of getting physical.

Getting him to say sorry after is important. I could never hold on to a squirming, squealing tantrumming toddler so that would not work for me. Putting him in the porch works well for us because it is lockable, has a big window so we can check, and has nothing in there to hurt him. Also, it enables the frazzled mother to have a bit of space to calm down for a bit too. The car works well if you're out and about as you can strap them safely in and check they're ok through the window. A naughty step would never work for us because I would hate the fact they can follow you around and could never discipline them in a big supermarket! If mine acts up out and about I whisper 'if you don't behave you're going back in the car'. Because I follow it up and it's not an empty threat, he now always behaves (he's just turned 3)

You tickle him until he capitulates.

Man, kidowner - you sound SCARY! Locking a child in anywhere is very harsh and completely wrong IMO. If that sort of discipline makes kids behave it's not because they've been helped to understand their own feelings and shown alternative ways of behaving, but because they're terrified of the punishment if they don't. Why not lock them in the cupboard under the stairs like they did in the old days? If you need some space lock yourself in the porch, not him!

I'm very firm with my two and they are very well behaved as a consequence, but I would never dream of locking them in anywhere and popping back every now and then to check if they've cried themselves into submission yet . I think talking, distracting and bribing (i.e. if you are a good boy and help mummy you can have a biscuit when we've finished shopping) is a much more positive and less punitive way of disciplining kids.

Hiya, My kids stay on the naughty step because from the 1st time I put them on it and they got off I put them back again and again and again.....

When I put them on the "step" I always get down to their level, explain calmly what they have done wrong and ask them to apologise and stop that particular behaviour. If they refuse either to stop or apologise then the are placed on the spot/step or tile or quite frankly whatever for the required time and then again at their level I ask them why they were put on the step. Then they apologise and we have a big cuddle and we go on with our day as if nothing has happened.

The reason I can use it in asda or wherever is because I got them past the putting back bit at home in a more controllable environment. (Ie no dear little old ladies offering them lollies whilst they are n the step if they will behave for poor mummy!)

Ultimatley what you teach a child by using the step / spot or whatever is that there is a consequence to their actions. Its something that every single person has to learn.

I totally agree that with very young children distraction techniques can be useful, however I would not consider bribing a child to behave as I personally think that it gives the wrong message - play up in asda and you'll end up getting a biscuit I think as an intelligent child I would play that one every time!

When your children go to school they will not be asked by the teacher to behave and they will get a biscuit, they will be expected to behave and if they don't there will be a consequence.

In my daughters school they may have to sit out playtime and hold a "warning triangle" so that everyone knows that they misbehaved, they may have their photo placed under the cloud instead of the sun on the big class picture on the wall, or they may lose team points which ultimatley puts them in the bad books of a quarter of their peers! Those are tough consequences to a 5 yr old.

I realise that not everyone will agree with my parenting techniques and thats fine by me. I am however frequently asked by other parents who know my children what methods I use because I have 3 very confident happy and well behaved children who I can take anywhere without stressing about their behaviour. ( and I am not being immodest I am using the description of others ).

Yes you can imagine it being scary if you take it to its literal meaning and walking off while they are locked in a dark cupboard, screaming until they succumb through exhaustion...while you put your feet up, have a glass of wine, come back next morning to check. Er, no one is advocating that!

Mind you, mums can be scary when they shout at their kids, have had little sleep, are at their wits' end, and so for mum to lock herself away might not be a good idea as a rampaging toddler may hurt themselves.

Even a NHS hotline recommends for a frazzled mum to 'take time out' and go some where quiet to calm down, so please don't feel guilty if you are at that stage and have to do it. The important thing is for the child to be safe while you do it. My ds is never in the porch for long as he knows he'll get a huge cuddle after. It works really well and of course you don't go far away.

It also means you can stay calm throughout because you can use this method well before you've lost your rag, and going in the porch is the last resort only. Our porch is light, airy with windows all around. I should also add that my ds gets warnings beforehand, and positive praise and encouragement works well for the rest of the time!

Thanks kidowner, I thought i'd killed the thread for a minute!!

Agree totally about the ability to stay calm. I think that knowing the consequences of actions helps parents and kids on the basis that we all know what will happen if they misbehave - The kids aren't "terrified" because they know what will happen ( and its not frightening to them)and we don't get stressed because if they misbehave we simply carry out the consequence we don't have to adlib or make it up as we go along. Also because the consequence is always the same they have absolute consistancy.

My kids hate being put on the step for the same reason that your ds hates the porch, because for the time they are there they have to think about what they have done, and they are not the centre of mummy's attention all at the same time.

uh oh! whats the bettin this thread is now well and truly killed???

OP My ds (nearly 2) does the same - he will sit quite happily on my lap and keep hitting me in the face - he does it to dh aswell! Telling him 'no' just makes him laugh. Distraction is best imho.

We have always completely avoided using the word NO as they become little devils at parrotting it back, so: Don't, Enough thank you, that's dangerous, careful, quiet please,etc, we think are far better. (My dh and dds and I keep to the same methods for consistency)Also, plenty of pleases and thank yous every time means even the youngest get used to the words and parrot those back instead, even if it sounds like 'tatu'. My toddler says 'mease' instead of 'me please'. I think it's cute. As for the hitting, the last time was 3 months ago at a soft play place, he stopped after I whispered he would have to go back to the car if he did that again. Because he knew I meant it he said sorry and gave me a cuddle instead. But as I said before, my dds never once took out their frustrations that way. No 2 children are ever the same!

We resorted to the naughty step with DD before she turned 2, for sure. It's not a set amount of time - it's 'until she's ready to say sorry' - which can be a long time in her case (she is stroppy incredibly strong-willed) - 40 mins once at my parents house before she would apologise to DS for hitting him with a wooden brick, with my DM having to almost physically restrain my father from 'rescuing' her . She hasn't taken that long ever again but it can be a while sometimes. What she hates (and the point of the exercise) is the separation - so in our case the 'naughty step' is just outside the kitchen, but we shut the door.

The nearest I have come to and out-and-about equivalent is taking her back to the car, strapping her in her seat, and then sitting in the car pointedly ignoring her.

Thanks all for your replies.

Its good to hear how other people are handling this situation.

I do use a lot of distraction techniques when he is behaving this way - lots of oooh look at this as opposed to heres a biscuit as I really think that solves nothing and does in fact reward bad behaviour.

When it gets too bad, I think I already do something similar to the time out thing by placing him in the dining room (it joins straight onto our living room without doors). Whilst I am not shutting any doors or leaving him there, I am letting him know that I am not happy with him and that he is to be away from the main room and all his toys for a few mins until he calms down.

He does invariably follow me out which I don't mind as at least for a few mins/secs he has understood that if I behave in that way Mammy moves me away from my toys, other people in the room etc.

I may start with the naughty step in the future - I imaging its going to take a long time to get him to sit on it though - he is soooooo headstrong! He has recently started to say sorry actually, not with any prompting by me either - he hit me the other week and I said ouch that hurts and he said Forry - (he isn't so good with his S's!)

Bless him - we will get there - I just wanted to get an indication of what others were doing.

Thanks again.

I am also having a problem with my almost 2 yr old biting/hitting me esp when tired and I try to put him down for a nap. I have to just leave him in his cot as he's impossible to hold when like that but he then won't sleep. For his Dad however, he will lie down and go to sleep like a dream, v frustrating!