2.5yo with separation anxiety and REALLY bad tantrums

[emmywoo]

Dear All, My dd (2.5) has suffered from separation anxiety before and now she has started again. If i go from one room to the other she has the mother of all tantrums and has suddenly wants to be carried everywhere in the house and doesnt want to walk, the tantrums are driving me to madness. She also used to sit at our dining table as good as gold to eat her dinner with us but again only wants to sit on my lap. I sit next to her and if I say "no, mummy is trying to eat her dinner so you sit on your chair like a big girl" she has another tantrum. Is this normal and any suggestion on what to do

Hello, it is a phase and we also went through it. There is absolutely no point fighting it when it erupts, but try to pre empt it. But you absolutely need a 'get out' clause when it gets to the irrational, red faced, screaming for tomorrow phase. So, 1. Being carried about from room to room is irrational. Don't do it at all, ever again, and certainly never as a response to her tantrums. Get down to her level, cuddle her, but don't pick her up. Say in a calm voice you will give her a big cuddle if she quietens down. If you do achieve this, make a big fuss of her. 2. Try to work out what sets her off, there is usually a common trigger, then try to avoid it. 3. If all else fails and you can't stand it any more remove yourself from where she is,(make sure she is in a safe place.)Go outside, calm down, sit in the car or sit her in her carseat, as long as both of you are safe but not able to hear each other for a while. Then when you are able to (don't leave her too long) talk quietly and rationally to her that if she calms down you'll give her a cuddle. If she doesn't, go away, come back and try again, keep doing this until she calms down. Then give her a big cuddle.Next time she has a tantrum follow the same procedure and you will find, with time, she has learnt that listening to you and calming down will get her your attention, not by throwing tantrums. Make sure you reward all her positive behaviour by giving her alot of fuss. Then she won't try to get it by negative behaviour. Good luck!